Marnie's Parenting/Family Blog

Only a Click A Way

2012-02-26T21:14:00.000-08:00

Recently I was in conversation with a young woman who's child googled something quite innocent only to be pulled into the dark recesses of the black hole and hideous sphere of the Internet. The child is far from a teenager.
Parent please don't wait to put a safe guard on your computers. If your child is using them for any amount at all the temptation is TOO GREAT and the availability of pornography etc is just a click away.

We cannot be ignorant any longer!

The money you spend on this safe guard is much cheaper than years of counsel and family strife.
Please make sure that your child is in your sight when on the computer and check the history of the computer often. Stay alert and be intentional and ask questions.

Pure eyes:
http://www.puresight.com/child-internet-safety2.html?gclid=CMa_mLqwva4CFYio4Aodmk4HuA

Action Alert
http://www.actionalert.com/landing4?rkg_id=c-318740790_h-e64de79e4932edf98e73952c49c40f81_t-1330319145&gclid=CJeF9YCxva4CFULe4

Family Life Today recommends:
http://www.familylife.com/site/apps/nlnet/content3.aspx?c=dnJHKLNnFoG&b=6580043&ct=11231607

Focus on the Family
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/protecting_your_family/preparing_your_child_for_the_online_world.aspx
and
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/topicinfo/Internet_Safety_-_Building_Character_and_Building_Walls.pdf

Safe Eyes
http://www.internetsafety.com/press-internet-safety-solution-safe-eyes.php

Blessings on you and yours!

Reinforce Your Marriage

2012-02-23T23:05:00.002-08:00

This message contains graphics. If you do not see the graphics, click here to view.
http://links.myfamilytalk.mkt4124.com/ctt?kn=16&ms=Mzc3NjIzMAS2&r=Mjc5MjI2MDY3NQS2&b=2&j=Mzg2MzEwMjYS1&mt=1&rt=0

How to Avoid 11 "Great Marriage Killers"

Dr. Dobson's latest newsletter is now available online at drjamesdobson.org!

Earlier this month we enjoyed Valentine's Day, a day set aside for the celebration of romantic love. We hope you and your spouse relished this opportunity to affirm your undying affection and commitment. In his letter this month, Dr. Dobson flips the coin over and shares insight and great advice on how to avoid the "Great Marriage Killers."

We encourage you to spend a few moments to learn how to protect your sacred relationship from:

- Over-commitment and physical exhaustion.
- Excessive credit and conflict over how money will be spent.
- Selfishness.
- And more!

Simply click here to read and download this entire message.
http://links.myfamilytalk.mkt4124.com/ctt?kn=5&ms=Mzc3NjIzMAS2&r=Mjc5MjI2MDY3NQS2&b=2&j=Mzg2MzEwMjYS1&mt=1&rt=0

5 Love Languages of Children

2012-02-22T21:21:00.000-08:00

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/popups/media_player.aspx?LatestDaily=1

Please listen to this half hour long Focus on the Family broadcast and see what you can glean!

Blessings on your MOST IMPORTANT JOB IN THE WORLD!

Blessings!

10 ways to love your kids

2012-02-16T19:28:00.000-08:00

I thought that this article sent by a friend was worth passing along
Blessings!

David Philobes is located in Phoenix. Originally from Egypt, he is pastoring an Arabic
Christian Church.

1) Eagerly, humbly submit to the Word of God.

When you sin in front of your children, confess it. When you assert your authority over them, your children should clearly see the authority that you are submitting to. Your submission to God is your qualification to teach them. Let them see it, and they will know that you aren’t a petty tyrant.

2) Don’t pigeonhole your children.

Seemingly harmless things like calling your children “the artistic one,” “the athletic one,” or “the loving one” can make your children feel like their value to you is tied up in one characteristic. It can further invite sibling rivalry and resentments. Moreover, sets you up to stop trying to learn about them, as you begin to interpret everything through that expectation and sets them up to think that that's the only part of them you appreciate.

3) Discipline biblically.

When you discipline, make sure it has a biblical category. A godly parent can't discipline for “being annoying,” “making a mess,” or “squirming.” Instead, look to correct disobeying, lying, or something that you can support with Scripture, Proverbs and Ephesians in particular. If there isn’t a biblical principle and name behind it, don’t discipline for it.

4) Set clear expectations.

Explain to your children in advance what you expect from them and what they can expect from you. Make sure they understand. This will greatly aid you in #3, as well as giving them the security of knowing what you want.

5) Recognize obedience.

Talk to your children when you aren’t correcting them. Talk about the things they do right. Tell them about specific things that you love about them. Let them know that you know them, that you think of them, and that you enjoy them.

6) Listen to the whole story first.

With little kids you actually might have to take some time to get the story out. Don’t try to hustle past your children in an effort to quickly discipline them. The discipline is for their benefit, not yours. Make sure that they understand and that they know you are interacting with them.

7) Honor your spouse in front of them.

Show love to each other in front of your children. Don't be short, snarky, or snide with each other in their presence (or out of it for that matter). Children need to see Mom and Dad as one. Parents in fellowship with each other is one of the most basic elements for a secure home.

8) Don’t change your behavior toward your children in public.

Don’t correct them for things just because someone is watching. Security for a child means knowing that their parent is for them, and that when one of them corrects the child, it is for his or her benefit, and not so that others will think the parents have it all together.

9) Don’t take your children’s sins as a personal insult.

Never discipline with a break in fellowship. Don’t be “mad” at your children. Be anxious to have things reconciled.

10) Forgive. For real.

If breaking the window has been forgiven, act like it. Forget it. Do not hold past incidents over your children, especially if you've told them you've forgiven them. Let it go all the way, every time, “as far as the east is from the west” (Psalm 103:12).

I Hate to be the Mean Parent

2012-02-15T19:29:00.000-08:00

Oh well~

If you are doing it right you will be ~ OFTEN. It's just part of the job.
The fact is you know you are NOT being mean. Your children have the perception of a child and their understanding is that of immaturity.

I hear single moms say this often ~ They feel like everything is PARADISE for their children at the other parent's home. Lets think about that....do you really think so? Children don't tend to change that much between houses. So just know that it is not always as it "seems"

Anyway, it has nothing to do with that.
The TOTAL reason you discipline your children is so that they will become high functioning, responsible human beings. We want them to listen, know how to follow directions, come when called, learn how to complete a task, get along with each other, have manners, take care of their possessions, and the list could go on and on.

The only way to get them from A to Z is to mean business. Mean what you say and say what you mean. Sometimes the consequence is more than just a time out. Sometimes it has to be corporal. But the earlier you start the easier it will be. Remember my post of "nip it in the bud" I encourage you to look it up.

So Mom and/or Dad ~ take a deep breath and choose to day to be your "child's best friend" by being the parent who makes the hard decisions, the one who follows through, the one who has to miss things themselves because a child is serving an early bedtime. It will not last forever and there will be a day that you will be glad that you followed through and your children will "rise up and call you blessed!"

Blessings!

NO

2012-02-14T21:02:00.000-08:00

I caught just a few minutes of Dr. Phil the other night as I was cooking. It was a continuation of a dramatic saga of the "Dr Phil family" that is shown off and on over the past years. The young girl (now in her 20's and in a rehab) said of her Dad, "I just want him to tell me No"

Did you hear that parents?

Your children WANT you to tell them NO!

They cannot always do it themselves.
They are pulled and pushed, prodded and manipulated by their peers, school mates, television, music etc etc etc.
They are often too weak and or confused to make the right decision. We all know that from about 11 up they are just a MESS!!

Let's help them out!
Say No when you have to ~ Protect them ~ Let them know that you love them and will stop them when you have to. You are not here to be their friend ~ You are their PARENT. Make a difference in their life. They will thank you later

Blessings

Valentines Day ~

2012-02-13T21:10:00.000-08:00

Do something special for the kids today.

You may be going out to dinner with your husband but spread a little love to the children as well.
Make some heart place mats out of construction paper
Heart shaped food, hamburger, bread , cookies
Buy some sweet tart hearts and share them while watching a movie
Have the kids write a love note to grandparents or neighbor or an elderly person.
Make a special dessert
If this is too short notice do it the next day ~ it is never too late.
Spread the love and it will come back to you!
Blessings!

Reins

2012-02-09T21:14:00.000-08:00

As the worn out mom shared with me this morning, I kept getting the same thought. "It is time to buy a set of reins, make them shorter please "

Her son and daughter have been allowed to "swim out too deep", run too fast, have too much freedom and things have gone amuck.

The children have responded with ignoring their mom, sarcasm, criticism and all round disrespect. Arguing and fighting have become the norm. Rolling of the eyes with hand signs and body language yell the message that they are saying.

She does not even want to go home.

Time to rein them in. Sound scary? Maybe ...but you CAN DO IT and you must! If you think it is hard now I promise you it will only get worse as you are caught in a spiral.

I have a lot of thought and counsel on this matter ~ If you would like to talk email me for a date!

Blessings!

Dehydration

2012-02-07T20:23:00.000-08:00

A conversation that I had with a friend last night has prompted this reminder.

Her son had an intestinal thing going on and he was looking emaciated. This was a great concern for her. Here are her words of what happened:

Even though he was sleeping i went to pray over him and this time putting my hands on

him the sandpaper texture of his skin seemed " so loud" to me that I was surprised I didn't

notice it earlier. I checked his mouth and it was dry. Thinking back thru the day, even

though we were giving him drinks, he had only peed once all day. So I called the Dr. and he

needed 2 bags of IV fluids! He still looks all bones but his face isn't sunk in looking and he

is acting MUCH better!

Another story: last year when my mom was was settling down to play a game of scrabble with a friend, he came and got me 20 minutes into the game. She was just sitting there. Not talking just looking at her letters. I asked her a few questions and she was in a "complete zone". We took her to the emergency room where she was diagnosed having a UTI and being very dehydrated. She ALWAYS carries around a drink with her so we did not notice. As soon as a bag of fluids were in her she was back to normal.

The Doctor said that dehydration is very common in young children and the elderly. SO let's not forget this! During this season of colds and stomach bugs remember to have juices, water, pops etc etc available for the invalid to eat...even jello.

Better safe than sorry.

Blessings!

Taking Advantage of Grace (A Home With Out Walls)

2012-02-05T21:04:00.001-08:00

A young mom posed a question to me today.
A number of things had changed in this young family over the past couple of months, a move, a new baby and all that that entails to name a few. One of the little ones is having a problem at bedtime. Grace has been offered numerous times. The parents felt the changes were the source of the issue and he also has been battling a cold.
But now "it" is starting to look and sound different. There seems to be some subtle anger and resistance involved. Instead of "mommy fix my blanket"..it has turned into "NO not that way" with some kicking and whining.

I have written before (I thought) about creating a "Home without Walls". What I mean by this is we really want to train our children to obey and feel secure no matter what our family situation is at the time. New baby, move, sickness, company etc. we need to work past the excuses and train our children that our "systems" are the way it is going to be. When it is nap time it is wonderful if the child can settle down no matter where you are ~ Nanny's bed, beside mom on the couch or in the car seat. I think that this is brought about by consistency which leads to security.

I suggested to this mom that she again begin to talk about this during the day. Have a one on one. and then repeat it as the day goes on and for a couple of days.

"Eli, you have been waking up too many times in the night. There is no need for this anymore. You have your sippy cup on the night stand and know how to go to the bathroom on your own. You have your blanket and teddy and have been tucked in and prayed for. That is all you need and from now on I am expecting that if you wake up you will roll over and go back to sleep.   IF you wake the other children there is going to be a consequence (name it) that you are not going to want to face. Do you understand me?"

Answer any questions or concerns that he might have and continue to bring it up off and on thru out the next couple of days..
Stick to what you have said..... be consistent immediately. Do not let your guard down.
I know that it all looks different in the wee hours of the morning when you are exhausted. But it is here that many times the problems are developed as we are willing to do or say almost anything to just go back to bed. This prolongs the situation.

I hope that this has been clear and that you will find some rest for your weary body

Blessings!

Milk

2012-01-24T21:28:00.000-08:00

"Milk"

The young lad said as he watched TV while waiting for the bus. My friend watched her sister stop preparing the lunch box, go pour milk, insert and bend a straw and place it at the boy's mouth. He took a sip and she silently went back to her task. In a few minutes the whole scenario was repeated, again with no words and the mom simply complying with the request. The sister finally asked "WHAT are you doing?" to be told, "I'm getting him a drink!"

As she painted the picture back to the mother, the mom's eyes widened as she realized she had not even thought twice about what had been going on.

Actually many things were going on here.

1. The 7-8 year old child had not learned how to get his own drink
2. He did not know how to talk to or respect his mom
3. The mom was oblivious that there was a problem
4. She had become his slave without even realizing the situation.

Too many times we realize that there is a problem when it is close to too late
We seem, all of a sudden, to see a child/teenager who is fresh, disrespectful and unable to do anything for himself. And way too often this comes as a SURPRISE!

Wake up mom and dad! Your children are yours to train. You must not doze off yet. There is still work to be done!

Teach your child to care for himself. Remember you have 18 years to work yourself out of a job! Your child needs to be taught manners, work ethics, respect etc. and you are the one to do it!

Again if you feel things have gone on for too long ask a friend to come along side to help you and work on getting those kids into shape!

We will all love you for it!

Blessings!

Frozen Treats

2012-01-18T20:43:00.000-08:00

When I was growing up we "tapped" the maple trees on our farm and boiled the sap down to make maple syrup. Yum! Nothing like it!

Sometimes when it would be snowing out, we would gather some "clean" snow and pack it in to a pan. My mom would boil some syrup until it was "hard crack stage"
( if you do not have a thermometer, boil the syrup continually. Keeping a bowl of cold water near by drop a drop or two of syrup into the water and see what it does. First it will be what's called soft ball, boil a little longer and it will become harder and harder. When the syrup reaches the correct hardness pour it in streams onto the packed snow .

The kids will love sucking on these ribbons of maple flavor!
This can be done with imitation syrup as well.

Have fun!

The Big Black Box

2012-01-12T20:36:00.000-08:00

A reader writes:
I wanted to ask you about the television. OK, so I know to limit the television at all costs. I also know the recommendations of the professionals (no TV before age 2 and then after limit to 1-2 hrs.) However, I find there are a couple times during the day, that I don't know what else to do. First thing in the morning, when we are still waking up (7-8am) and usually after nap time, when she is still fussing from waking up, wants cuddle time, and we need a quiet thing to do to not wake up the others. So I can hear myself and think..well reading. And we do that ALOT. I guess these are the times when I'm tired too and just need that quiet/nothing activity. This sounds selfish. But the reality of life is that these times happen. What do you think?

Thanks for the question!

Remembering those days I used to love the times that Sesame Street would come on. Like you we had a scheduled time of TV. It seemed like during the winter it was on a little more and in the summer much less especially as the children grew and could play outdoors.

My word on the whole subject is just be careful.
I know many people who have the TV on all day just for the noise. Personally because I rarely watch anything anymore that is just what it is to me NOISE!!
There are some great learning videos for babies and toddlers. Ask around, google and check out the library. These really can aid in their learning. I honestly think that the issue here is unsupervised TV where the child is just "Vegging" in front of the screen doing nothing NO.... use the TV for your own purposes..don't let it take control of your family.

Hope that this helps
Blessings

What I Love

2012-01-08T21:06:00.000-08:00

Tonite one of my daughter's called me about some parenting/family stuff. She knew that she needed help and wanted to talk some things through.

You know what I LOVE? That ...Just that.

Parents ~ Don't ever think that you are putting someone out, going to look stupid, taking up some one's time etc, when you have a problem or issue that you want to discuss.

You are brilliant to ask someone who may know!

Please ask.... we have things to share. We've made all the mistakes and prayerfully have learned some things that we can pass on.
Why reinvent the wheel?
Just because we are in the 21st century does not mean that the foundational truths and wisdom of parenting and family life have changed.

THEY HAVEN'T!

Ask away~

Blessings!

Mom ~ I Don't Feel Well

2012-01-05T21:08:00.000-08:00

Our poor babies.

My youngest baby texted me from Missouri tonite saying that she was "under" the weather. The text went like this...

Me How are you feeling?

She not so good at all :(

Me Symptoms?

She cough tight lungs head ache and runny nose

Me Do you have any $

She A little...why

Me Ibuprofen for the headache, Neti Pot for the sinus, Delsym for the cough Lots of water and Lots of rest

I then prayed with her and she turned out the light.

Its not fun being sick. When my child would wake up and say he/she could not go to school I could pretty much know whether he/she were faking or not. When a child is sick they should be in bed . They need their rest. Be careful that you are not allowing them to have a "fun" time when they are at home.

Please don't take them out in public. No one needs the germs. Keep them quiet and hydrated. Make them as comfortable as you can. Bring them warm drinks and light snacks. Let them listen to something on tape or CD Read a book to them.

Consider a daily vitamin and vitamin C. Make sure they are eating well rounded meals and getting the fruit and vegetables that they need. ( and I don't meant the potato in potato chips) The health of our children is important and it is us who need to be aware of it.

Disinfect the house . Open the windows if you can. Spray Lysol. Wipe down areas where they were. Change their beds.( in the midst of their cold I would change their pillowcase everyday)
During these cold days our kids are cooped up in classrooms with a bunch of other kids and the stuff that flies around would make us cringe if we could see it with our naked eye!

OK Florence....be sure to take care of yourself as well
Blessings!

Florence Nightingail

Sexual Exploitation of Children

2012-01-04T20:37:00.000-08:00

Please view this short video and take a moment for contemplation. Again I echo yesterdays blog.
We cannot be too aware.
Know what your children are watching, listening to, where they are going, who they are hanging out with and what they are doing.

Talk to them.....no I did not say yell, accuse, ignore, I said talk. Work on your relationship.

Again if these words are foreign to you, please seek help from someone you can trust.

The only wrong thing is to stay ignorant.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOF28tCodcY

Blessings!

Oh Be Careful Little Eyes ~

2012-01-03T20:34:00.000-08:00

This morning I spoke at a Moms of Preschoolers group.
There is an old song from Sunday School that I shared my thoughts around.

O Be Careful, Little Eyes

O be careful little eyes what you see

There's a Father up above

And He's looking down in love

So, be careful little eyes what you see

O be careful little ears what you hear

O be careful little hands what you do

O be careful little feet where you go

O be careful little mouth what you say

O be careful little heart who you trust

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqFrXwpTI-w&feature=related

Parents YOU are the ones who need to protect your children.
The teachers, day care workers, babysitters etc etc only have so much responsibility. The child is YOURS. Please take this seriously. We are losing children daily to the music, media, peer groups, fashion industry, etc etc only because we are caught in the current of "today" and are not saying "no"

You decide how you want your family to look.
What do you feel is the best for your child?
Do not be swayed by the world any longer. They will not take responsibility for your child when something goes awry.

These years will go faster than you can even imagine.
Things can change in an instant.
Please be pro active!

Blessings!

HELP!

2012-01-02T20:25:00.000-08:00

A Reader writes:

I'm looking for some advice for the new year! It's so sad, but today I am happy to be back to work. I could not stand another day home with my children! The 5 year old is sassy, disrespectful, argumentative with EVERYTHING I say, bossy and bratty. The 4 year old is whiny, sassy and disobedient. I've hit my top levels of dealing with it. Something has to change. It's probably me. But I don't know the how and what right now because I'm so frustrated I'm ready to blow!

Wow parents it's amazing isn't it that the little guys truly have the ability to put us over the edge. Now I will tell you I read some entries from this specific mom and saw that there were many good spots in her holiday. She took the boys places, made things with them, did special projects, went all out for Christmas but alas look how it ended..... Her, feeling used and abused and ready to run away!
What happened?
Well, my first guess would be that in all the hub bub of making sure the kids had a great Christmas season, poor behaviors were overlooked. Maybe there was so much going on with fun activities and such that the boys were too busy to misbehave. What ever the case....

PARENTS ~ YOU MUST BE CONSISTENT WHEN IT COMES TO DISCIPLINING THE BEHAVIORS THAT YOU DO NOT WANT!
sassy , disrespectful, argumentative, bossy, bratty, disobedient, whiny
YUK
I would want to run away as well! (Pity the poor teachers and day care workers who have to pick up the pieces, deal with the behaviors and exhaustion etc. Be kind to them)
Well, it is a new year ~ A new day ~ A new beginning.
*Draw the line one more time.
*Make the boundaries clear.
*Schedule a family meeting and discuss all that you are going to work on.
*Decide on the consequences and awards.

Put your foot down and keep it there!

Don't put up with it any longer! The ball IS in your court! Play it the way you want it to go. It IS your responsibility!

If you want specifics I am willing to chat . I know that you can pull it back together, and you must ~ for the sake of us all!

Blessings!

"boys come to the table...
I need to ask your forgiveness. I am very disappointed in some behaviors that I have been seeing. I am sorry that I let you carry on like that. I am not going to allow this behavior any more"
*give examples of what went on....
*talk about what should have been done , how the behavior should have looked
*map out the consequences for the coming days.

I personally would have the boys serve a punishment for what had been going on...perhaps early bed that night. Be creative but firm. The punishment needs to be enough that they do not want to serve it again

Again Blessings on you all!

Let Them Be Little ~

2012-01-01T20:07:00.000-08:00

Brittlyn Avery Weber 1 week old

I would like to introduce you to my first great grandchild, born on

Christmas Day, 2011

Brittlyn's Grammie, my oldest daughter Heather, owns

"Capture a Glimpse" Photography in MD.

I love the song that she used as a back drop for this short movie.

Let them be little by Billy Dean

I can remember when you fit in the palm of my hand.
You felt so good in it; no bigger than a minute.
How it amazes me you're changin' with every blink.
Faster than a flower blooms, they grow up all too soon.

So let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give 'em hope, give them praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let 'em sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

I never felt so much in one little tender touch.
I live for those kisses, your prayers an' your wishes.
An' now you're teachin' me how only a child can see.
Tonight, while we're on our knees, all I ask is:

Please, let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give them praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let 'em sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

The so innocent, precious soul:
You turn around, an' it's time to let them go.

So let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give 'em praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let them sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.

Let them be little.

What's the Temperature?

2011-12-29T20:59:00.000-08:00

Are you a thermometer or a thermostat?

Do you regulate the atmosphere in your home or do you just react to what is going on around you?

This is important to know about yourself. Remember the saying "If mama's not happy then no body's happy"
I'm afraid there is alot of truth in this statement. Wow...what power!
The power, control and the ability to make those we love miserable and nervous. Does your family "walk on eggshells around you always wondering how your day is going?

If any of these statements belong to you I suggest that you get some help. The Scripture says that the "power of life and death are in the tongue" Yikes!

I believe you knew with in the first 4 lines of this blog if this pertained to you.
If you are a thermostat ...set an even temperature. Your family will thrive on your consistent tone and behavior.
If you are a thermometer, ask yourself why. Why am I so stressed? Am I filled with fear? Am I angry? Why are my days and thoughts filled with so much emotion?

Find someone to talk to, an older woman perhaps that can guide you and help train you to walk on a new path.
You can do it and your family will do so much better because you took the step!

Blessings!

2011-12-28T20:24:00.000-08:00

A reader writes:

My 8 year old is NOT a shy child at all! However, when we went by my office to drop some paperwork off and people were saying hi to her, she grabbed my jacket and hid behind me and was "acting" shy. I addressed it quietly then and told her to say hi back, and she quickly started to smile and laugh and interact appropriately. When we got home, I brought it up again and addressed it further and told her that her actions were rude and that it would be much more polite to say "hello" back or simply smile and wave her hand.
In my case, it was what seemed to me to be attention seeking behavior...she thought she would get more attention if she were to act shy...but in her attempt to gain more attention she was being rude.
...is this an appropriate conclusion?

Thank you for your comment. I believe that you did the correct thing.
2 things
#1 In most situations I don't believe that an 8 year old is thinking through "getting more attention" She is just reacting to a situation and being "awkward". One of the definitions is "lacking social grace and assurance"

#2 In the bold type of the comment lies a great technique. "when we got home" It is a GOOD thing to bring back up situations like this and take them from a "happening" to a learning time.
Use everything, parents. USE things you see, hear or deal with personally by bringing them back into discussion. If parents would do this instead of overreacting, berating and or overlooking and dismissing...children would learn alot faster.

5-6 year olds and up will benefit from these learning times and you will as well knowing that you have addressed certain issues. It is not wasted on younger children as well but you will have to remind more often. ie the next time you are going out address it before hand reminding the child what their response needs to be.
You can even play act it out. All these techniques help.

Taking An Assessment

2011-12-26T20:07:00.000-08:00

So how did it go?

Did you have enough time to do all you wanted to?
Was your food well thought out?
Your decorations satisfactory?
Were you satisfied with your shopping? Not too much and not too little?
Did you get to visit or invite in those you wanted?
What would you like to change next year?
What would you like to keep the same?

Make a small note to yourself and keep it where you will find it. It is good to do this while it is fresh in your mind. You have a whole year to think it through, you could even start your own personal Christmas club and save $10 a week in an account to make it less painful when the holiday arrives again.
Whatever you decide take a moment and breath. Sit down with a cup of coffee and think it through. Perhaps it would be easier with a good friend who can ask the right questions and have some good ideas.

Year 2012 is in a few short days, don't be caught by surprise!

Blessings!

Dear Readers

2011-12-25T11:40:00.001-08:00

Just a moment to say Thank You.

Thank you for reading these blogs
Thank you for the desire to be a good parent
Thank you for loving outside of the box
Thank you for the encouragement that you send back to me

Thank you
Merry Christmas and a Prosperous and Joyous New Year

Blessings
Marnie

Twas the Day Before Christmas

2011-12-23T20:59:00.000-08:00

Hurried, Harried, Irritable, Abrupt

Do any of those words apply? Believe me, I KNOW the routine. We are down to the wire and we have enough on our list to keep a dozen people busy for a few hours.

Would you please take a seat for a moment.

Ask yourself what you want your children to remember about this precious holiday. I dare say, 59 years later, I sincerely doubt that they will remember anything about something forgotten, unwrapped, unbaked etc etc etc They WILL remember a puzzle shared, a movie watched as a family, a time cuddling on the couch, all pitching in to make dinner, the smiles, the music and the atmosphere'

Don't break your neck or anyone elses for that matter.....its not worth it. Martha Stewart HAS that army working for her and a big fat bankroll to boot so don't even try to compete Also Hallmark is a movie not reality.

Reality is what you make it, your home, your family and the love felt walking through the door.

Blessings on you this Christmas Season!

Shyness/ Being Courteous

2011-12-22T21:29:00.000-08:00

Another reader question:
"sometimes when meeting new people she gets shy and nervous and won't make eye contact. If someone says "Nice to meet you" or "how are you?" she will look away and respond or respond as she is walking away. I tell her all the time to look at them in the eye or wait to walk away until she responds so they know she is acknowledging them but it doesn't seem to help. Is this something I will just have to keep reminding her of and hope that it will change? I just feel like she looks rude even though I know she is just feeling awkward sometimes."

Personally, I believe that shyness should be addressed and can be helped with practice. Explain to her why you think it is important and that it is something that you want her to learn. This should not be an option. (this needs to be an intentional conversation)
Perhaps you can make a game of it. Act it out thru out the week. Practice with some of her friends and your friends. Play act. Your friend sticks out her hand and says nice to meet you Jane. Jane shakes the hand and simply says," thank you".
If someone compliments her dress she needs to learn to say thank you.
It is not too hard for her and sometimes can actually falls into the same category as not being willing to say sorry when they are wrong.
Rebellion looks different at different ages!
It is a process of learning.
Next she needs to be the initiator. "Hello, Mrs. Smith, How are you today?"
Get the first part down pat first and then you can start to work on this second area.
Like with anything else, you can reward or discipline as the need be. Early bed time would be good in this case...or just making her stay by your side if she does not respond appropriately.
Parenting is not for the lazy by any means! Good work Mom!

Blessings!

Thoughts

2011-12-21T20:53:00.000-08:00

I saw a video the other day of a young girl opening up a present by the tree. It was a scarf and her disappointment was absolutely palatable! She kept looking at the scarf and then at her dad and finally said, "Dad you know that I wanted a cellphone" A few minutes later another "present" began to ring and she excitedly ripped it open to find her hidden gift.

We've all seen it and some have probably acted it out..... disappointment.
Well Christmas is in a couple of days and I think you would all be wise to have a talk before hand.

Christmas is for giving. We so often let our children off the hook because its a child's holiday but what are your children giving? They can make cards or small ornaments, cookies etc. The dollar store is a good shopping place for them. You need to teach them that it is not all about them and the earlier the better.

Speak to them also about attitude. Remind them that Aunt Lois always gives clothes that don't fit. But that it is the thought that counts and teach them how to go about being sincerely thankful and not throwing the artical in the pile to pounce on the next present. Teach them to say thank you personally. Have them write thank you notes between Christmas and New Years.

Talk to them about words like "spoiled", "ungrateful", "rude" , sharing, blessing etc etc. Talk about the Christmas Story and read the story in the book of Luke in the Bible.

Prepare and teach, this is a parents job.

Remember your actions speak very lout also!
Blessings!

Teach the Lesson Well

2011-12-20T19:50:00.000-08:00

A reader writes:

"My daughter is 8 now and when she is with me she (most of the time) is very compliant and sweet. However, when she is with her friends she starts to almost act like she is a mini-teenie-bopper. The way she talks changes, her mannerisms, and she doesn't seem herself. She doesn't act bad or do anything wrong in particular but I see an attitude that I'm not sure I really like.....do you have any suggestions about what to do about this?"

You are ABSOLUTELY right ~ that it is not what you want to see. She is growing up and there are new lessons every day. You are doing a good job.

Your daughter needs to know her boundaries clearly. Do not back down and if she cannot "pass the test" with friends then she is not old enough to spend time with them. Explain it well

One day my grade school daughter asked to go to the library with friends. Now I knew these girls and they attended her school but I knew they did not have the same focus that our family did, (they dressed and acted well past their age). I ended up saying yes and that I would pick her up at a certain time.

When I arrived the girls were not studying but were sitting in another part of the building and as I walked up to them I noticed that my daughter's face was totally "made up" . I addressed her friends and we said good bye and headed for the car. On our way home after a bit of chat I said, " well, you failed the test." "What test?" my daughter responded.

I then explained to her the reason I let her go to the library was not for a makeup lesson but to study ~ I made it clear that she would not be allowed to do this activity again until I felt that she could hold her own and stick to the parameters that were set.

During these years we are constantly testing our children's actions As we loosen tight boundaries and allow them to be "pushed out" a little, we watch and listen to see if our child is mature enough for the added responsibility...the test. If not we set the boundary back in place. We should not be moved by our child's peers Didn't you ever hear your mom say "Well, I'm not Johnny's mom!"

6 years later this lesson will still come up in conversation (in a good way) I want children that will be their own person and not swayed by all the personalities that they will meet along the way. Whether it is riding the bike around the block for the first time , using the phone or taking the car...Make the boundaries known and then stick with them. It is a wonderful thing to see your child mature and "get it" During these years it is your job to protect and teach. Teach the lesson well....You don't have to apologize for well thought out boundaries.

Stick with it

Blessings!

Forwarded by my Brother

2011-12-19T19:52:00.000-08:00

If I had my child to raise over again:

I'd build self esteem first and the house later.
I'd finger paint more and point the finger less.
I'd do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious and seriously play.
I'd run thru more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I'd be firm less often and affirm much more.
I'd model less about the love of power and more about the power of love.

By Diane Loomans

Promises, Promises

2011-12-18T21:04:00.000-08:00

Just a short word of caution.
It does matter what we say to our kids.
Think it through. Don't use maybe unless it really leans towards "yes"
If you say it ~ mean it . If you promise ~ follow it through.
If you offer money ~ pay it.
If you say you are going to do something, be somewhere, get something ~ DO IT.

Otherwise just DON'T SAY IT!

Many times our "mean to" is not followed by action ....Determine to follow through immediately or sooner.

Too often children grow up full well knowing that their parent really will not follow through.

Decide today, for this coming New Year, that you are going to be one who follow through, mean what they say and does what they promise.

Blessings!

The Little Garbage Can

2011-12-15T21:30:00.000-08:00

I spoke to a young mom today about her step son. It was not a good situation. He is 10 and causing so many problems. As we talked I realized we so often just want our child, husband, etc to just GET IT! But it is like expecting them to speak French without ever taking a lesson!
We say it is common sense ...perhaps to the one who has it...but totally uncommon to those not raised with it.

I saw this little boy as a little garbage can. Just like a new little bucket that we buy to place under our sink for scraps, this little boy comes into the world helpless and empty. If he is raised (not) in a dysfunctional situation little bits of garbage are put into him over the years, He is never listened to, is always underfoot, can never do anything right, is punished and corrected over and over and over with never an encouraging word. NO WONDER he is a problem! He is full of the lack all around him and is only mirroring it and soon just trying to protect himself.

YOU on the other hand are the adult! You are the one who needs to get a grip. YOU can change the atmosphere in your home. If you don't know how ~ find out, call me, read a book or call a friend.
But it IS YOU who must take the step to stopping the insanity!

It CAN BE STOPPED and you can learn new techniques and ways to bring this little guy around and make your house a home.

Send me questions....I will answer!

Blessings!

SMILE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ihQuiyV-lXU

Jesus and Santa

2011-12-14T20:13:00.000-08:00

A Reader writes:
I have a question for you. We have been doing the elf on a shelf with our son but I don't know if this is OK to do. Is believing in Santa and the elves wrong to teach? I struggle with this and I'm not sure if I should just tell him the truth.

Marnie's thoughts:

I love the traditions of Christmas. I grew up with stories of Santa leaving all my father's toys out in the middle of the back field at 3 in the morning.. How the children had to get dressed and walk way out in the cold to collect their toys, strewn over the frozen ground.(This because my grandfather had surprised Santa by trying to catch him and "he" flew out of sight throwing the toys as he went)
Also a time when my dad and siblings were sitting in front of the fire on the Eve of Christmas when a whole harness etc came down the chimney into the fire, strewing sparks everywhere.

We grew up on pins and needles from Thanksgiving on as my dad would work over time throwing pebbles at windows ringing bells and being seen far away in his red Santa suit.

I love those memories.

My mom would focus on the manger and we knew it was Christ's birth. It was not a confusing time. This is all personal preference and today it is harder to protect your child's innocence as children seem grown up at 5.

I never once thought that my parents were liars when I found out. I was a little sad as I missed the suspense of the season

It is a personal preference. I don't think that you should lie but living in the mystery and excitement of the season has made a childhood memory that I never want to forget.

There is a great sculpture of Santa kneeling at the Manger. Set your nativity up and tell the story. Make a memory by moving Baby Jesus every night as He makes his journey to the manger on Christmas morning. This is a good activity for the child that now "knows" the truth and gives them a chance to be part.

We would hang numbered handmade snowflakes or Christmas trees that we hung from the doorway and the children took turns taking one down. We also did an advent calendar.
There are SO MANY things that you can adopt as memories. Just google Christmas for children and see what comes up. Pick a few that will work for your family and have fun!

Jesus it's YOUR birthday!

Practical ~

2011-12-12T20:33:00.000-08:00

Do you know where the snowsuits are?
Boots.??
Mittens??
Hats??

I have memories of that first snow storm and a line of kids all excitedly waiting to go out and play. Unpacking, trying on, sizing up, etc etc.

Today ~ do it. Find it all. Shop for what you do not have. Christmas is coming and it may be a good time to buy some new mittens. Decide where the boots will go. Are there pegs or clothes pins for the wet hats and mittens, a place to hang coats and snow pants?

You will be glad that you are prepared and you may just be able to bless someone with some things that your kids have outgrown.

Blessings!

"Oh the weather outside will be frightful!"

2011-12-11T21:16:00.000-08:00

snow.pps
5231K View Download

Here are some beautiful pictures and some wise sayings. Think about them and take what apply.

The only one who can change your life is YOU and you are one step away from making the change

I know that you can do it!
Blessings!

Psalm 38

2011-12-08T19:58:00.000-08:00

¹ LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.

David did not want to be disciplined in anger and wrath. I would dare say that no one reading this would want that as well.

Your child would say it also if they knew how to.
I pray that you do not have a problem in this area.

But there are times, days, seasons that are hard. We are short tempered, stressed and with this added knowledge of our weaknesses we all the more tend to lose it.

Friend, give yourself a time out. Back off and get away from the children. Call someone, get help. Its ok to reach out. It is better than the alternative. Children CAN drive you nuts!

But we must remember they are children. They are needing training and discipline. They too can become scarred and wounded.

Call me if you need to talk or get help on some new strategies.
Blessings!

Christmas: So Much Hubbub!!

2011-12-07T19:27:00.000-08:00

Why???

What causes us to rush around spending money that we don't have.???...writing lists and Christmas cards into the wee hours of the morning.???...cooking foods that we shouldn't eat? Spending hours decorating our homes???

Why it's Christmas of course!!!

The Savior's Big Birthday Party!

I'm sure that the Lord does not expect all this fanfare that we put into this holiday,this day that began with such humble beginnings.

Take some moments to reflect on the true meaning of Christmas; How God saw that we needed help and sent His Son to become like us. Jesus was ultimately led to the cross, so that we could walk in the freedom won for us all on that weekend that is now celebrated as Easter.

Save a few dollars and jot some notes this Christmas. Tell your husband what he really means to you, how you appreciate his support and allegiance to the family. Take time to appreciate each of your children with a note and remember your relatives as well.

These notes are priceless! They far outlast the Twister game and the ipod. Yellowed and permanently creased, we will read and reread anything that was and is written out of love for us. It does not have to be long, just heartfelt.

So this mad, crazy, hubbub time of year....carve out some REAL time and do what will mean the most:

Tell someone that you love them!!!

Blessings to you all, and to all a good night!
Lovingly

Marnie

www.comeinandrest.com

The Unseen Guest~

2011-12-06T20:59:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had someone come for a visit and before you know it their little one is nowhere in sight?
Mom does not seem to be concerned. The two five year olds are playing in the playroom but 2 year old Johnny is just "roaming".

The question is...Should there be "roaming charges?

If Johnny breaks something, destroys something, tears something apart...who's responsibility is whose?

Parents.
If you are visiting someone (esp. outside of your family) please do not assume that they are going to have sippy cups, diapers, baby food, binkys, bibs etc etc. The child is YOUR responsibility so travel prepared. Today pack a bag that you can grab that already has a change of clothes plus the things I just mentioned. Include a book or small toy in case you find your self in a spot where he needs to be entertained. It is unfair to expect your host to have all the paraphernalia that you need, and it can put them in an awkward position.

If you have a toddler that will not have a playmate, come prepared for the time that you will be visiting. I totally realize that there may be little actual visiting going on with your active child present...but oh well it is a phase that will not last forever. I found it often just better to be the host home. My children already knew what they could and couldn't do, I had what I needed for nap time etc. and actually enjoyed the visit with my friend as well.

So if Johnny breaks something ~ be prepared to pay for it or replace it. If your friend says "Oh, don't worry about it" Realize that she had the object for a reason before you came. It may have been a gift, an heirloom or even a yard-salers delight. It really does not matter whether it's worth was $2.00 or $200.00 they were not expecting it to be broken..

Bottom line YOUR CHILD = YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
Please take this to heart and prepare to be a Parent!

Blessings!

Where's the Line to see Jesus?

2011-12-05T19:23:00.000-08:00

This is very lovely.. Please read the story before watching the video.

That is a good question!

I think you'll love this....read the story FIRST then listen/watch the video.

As the stores start displaying Christmas trees and the like, I wanted to share this song with you. I know you will enjoy it. http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=OExXItDyWEY&vq=medium

About the Song

While at the mall a couple of years ago, my then four year old nephew, Spencer, saw kids lined up to see Santa Claus. Having been taught as a toddler that Christmas is the holiday that Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus, he asked his mom, "where's the line to see Jesus"?

My sister mentioned this to my dad, who immediately became inspired and jotted words down to a song in just a few minutes. After putting music to the words, and doing a quick recording at home, he received a great response from friends. He sent the song off to Nashville without much response, except for a Christian song writer who suggested adding a bridge at the end of the first chorus. My dad then asked if I wanted to record the song to see what we could do with it. I listened to the song, made a few changes to the words to make it flow better, and we headed to Shock City Studios. It was at the studio where Chris, owner and producer, rewrote the 2nd verse and part of the chorus... with goosebumps and emotions high, we were all hopeful and felt like we had something special. The demo was recorded in just under 2 hours and sent off again to Nashville... still no response. Then 2 weeks before Christmas last year, my cousins Greg and Robbie decided to do a video to see what we could accomplish on YouTube. The first day we had 3000 hits and it soared from there. We received e-mails, phone calls, Facebook messages from people all over asking for the music, CD's, iTunes, anything... we had nothin'. After a couple of meetings with Chris following the amazing response, we got serious. We headed back into the studio this past spring... this time with guitars, drums, bass, pianos, choirs... the real deal.... and here we are today. Getting iTunes set up, a website put together, and loving that thousands upon thousands of Christians have come together... remembering the true meaning of Christmas. Out of the mouths of babes come profound truths that many adults can not understand. Hopefully Spencer's observation will cause people all over to reflect on the love of Jesus, and that one day we will all stand in line to see Him. We are most thankful to our Heavenly Father to have this chance to share our music with you. Merry Christmas everyone.

Holy Humor

2011-12-04T21:06:00.000-08:00

GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story
of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, "If you saw
a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding,
what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."

DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah
did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?" "No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms."

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible -
Psalm 23 . She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he
could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids
were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up
to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."

UNANSWERED PRAYER
The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father
always paused and bowed his head for a moment before
starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant
of his messages. "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a
good sermon." "How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.

BEING THANKFUL
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your
mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"

ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers , she
would bless every family member, every friend, and every
animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, "And all girls."
This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include
this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?" Her response, "Because everybody always finish their prayers
by saying 'All Men'!"

SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table
as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received
his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny! Please wait
until we say our prayer." said his mother. "I don't need to,"
the boy replied. "Of course, you do "his mother insisted.
"We always say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's
at our house." Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's
house and she knows how to cook."

Take a Good Long Look ~ and Change

2011-12-01T20:36:00.000-08:00

Worthless men and the women who make them

by DAN PEARCE on NOVEMBER 30, 2010 · 983 COMMENTS · in READ, THINK, DEBATE

As with the Worthless Women post, I feel that some more strong words need to be said today. I’ll try to keep today’s post “less long”. I hope that by the end, the message comes together and these words will get both the men and women who read it to step back and at least think about a few things.

Because, we have a problem.

Men are lousy husbands.

Men are scatter-brained. Men are stupid. Men aren’t capable of making good choices.

Men aren’t good enough in their religions. Men aren’t good enough in their spirituality. Men aren’t strong enough in their faith.

Men are terrible cooks. Men don’t help enough around the house.

Men are careless.

Men work too much. They also don’t work enough.

Men don’t bring in large enough incomes. Men don’t properly support their families. Men don’t give their everything for their family’s well-being.

Men aren’t ambitious enough.

Men only care about sex. They have way too big or way too small of sex drives. They’re overly concerned with how big their penises are. They have too little tenderness and concern for their sexual counterparts.

Men don’t appreciate their women enough. Men don’t love their women enough. Men don’t find their women to be beautiful enough.

Men are insensitive. Men don’t cry enough. Men act too macho.

Men are also too sissy. They are too girly. They aren’t manly enough.

Men are lousy fathers.

Men don’t play with their children enough. They don’t spend enough time with their children. The time they do spend is not good enough.

At the same time, men also give too much attention to their children and not nearly enough to their lovers.

Men don’t have feelings. Men are mean. Men are nasty.

Men are bad neighbors. Men are bad in-laws.

Men aren’t smart enough to make big decisions. Men aren’t caring enough to understand.

Men are, simply put, worthless.

At least, that is what women constantly tell men. Everything on this list is something that I, or one of my male friends or family members, have heard from some woman somewhere.

Today I am typing in frustration, for that I apologize. You see, I’ve come to understand (and was just reminded over the course of a phone call) that women often have no problem declaring everything they want their men to be, and then making absolute certain that it never happens.

Ladies, go through the list above and be honest, just as you were on the Worthless Women post. How many of these things have you thought about men or said to a man that you love? Men, you be honest too. How many of these things do you believe to be true about yourselves? How many of these things have you been personally told? How many of these things have you seen weigh heavily on other men?

I’d be willing to bet it’s close to one hundred percent. It is a serious problem, for which the cause is complex. And with the media constantly dumbing down or ripping men to shreds, how could it possibly not be a problem? Flip through the television for an hour, you’ll hear at least half of those things declared about men by the entertainment industry and the media.

Why? Because it’s okay. For some damned reason it’s okay. And often, it’s okay because somebody has declared that it’s funny.

A wife can bash on her husband all she wants. She can make fun of him, ridicule him, belittle him, and make him feel like a giant turd. But, the moment the man does it back, he’s a douche bag… and all of her friends, sisters, and even her mother are going to hear about it.

A woman can hit a man. She can physically assault him. She can push him. She can slap him. If he doesn’t take it “like a man”, he’s called a… woman. A girl. A sissy. How ironic. Yet, the moment a man so much as lays a finger on a female, he’s labeled as abusive.

Many women will read this and think, I don’t do that. If that’s true, good for you. Perhaps, though, you should watch yourself for the next few days and see just how often you actually do participate, even if in minor ways.

Watch how often you make a sarcastic or snide comment about something the man in your life just did.

Watch how often you “playfully” slap him when he says something “stupid”.

Watch how often you tell him something (anything) he did wasn’t good enough.

Watch how often you roll your eyes at him because he didn’t do something exactly the way you would have done it.

Watch how often he shuts off, groans, or says something snide back to you.

You see, men react to all of these things much differently than women do. We hide behind tough-guy acts. We move on as if whatever was just said had no effect on us. We pretend that we’re above caring. We often laugh it off.

But we do internalize it. And we hate it.

I promise you, it’s not just me. Every man hates it…

The Barber Chair

2011-11-30T22:18:00.001-08:00

or the Dentist chair or the Eye Dr etc etc.

Becky will NOT let the dentist look in her mouth. Eric will NOT allow the barber to cut his hair. If mom and or dad push the situation ~ war breaks out!

What to do?

You have scheduled the appointment and now you start talking about it. You talk all day long, constantly bringing it up so that the child will not be taken by surprise. If by chance you should decide to pop into the salon, spur of the moment, you take the child, look them square in the face and tell them what is going to happen and what you expect. Keep the dialog going until you reach a submissive spirit. If you don't there will have to be an immediate consequence.

I can hear you..."You have no idea what you are talking about. I will not subject myself or the other patrons to that "

This is just another place that the child needs to know that you are the boss and that he/she needs to obey. Period. The first and the second time may be a little rough but it will get better. You will need to set up situations where you can continue to work on the behavior over a short amount of time.

Just like potty training, make up your mind to tackle this. It will not likely be as difficult as it looks.

"Susie tomorrow we are going to get your hair cut"
"NO MOM! (crying) I wont go! You cant make me etc!"
"Come over here" (as you get on her level, holding her body, you look right into her eyes and say) " Susie, we ARE going to the salon. It does not hurt to get your hair cut. I cut mine all the time. You are going to get in the chair and the lady is going to put an apron on you and the wash your hair. None of this will hurt or even get in your eyes, then she is going to trim your hair. I bet when you are done you will LOVE it!"
Do you understand? Tell me what I just said"
This may take a bit of dialog that is why it is best to plan it in advance.

Now IF you get there and Susie starts to stiffen up and be stubborn you will remove her from the chair and take you where you are alone ( perhaps you could let the salon know ahead of time that you are going to be dealing with this issue) YOU DO NOT need to be embarrassed ! You are in the midst of parenting! Our embarrassment should only come when you children have simply run amok because we have not done our jobs.
Again you will get close to her face and sounding very firm you will say "I want you to stop the way you are acting, We are going to go back to the chair and you are going to finish" If it STILL a problem you will either try one more time or quickly take her home. You will be firm and quiet. You will take her immediately into her room on her bed and say " I am disappointed in your behavior. You are going to sit here until you are ready to do as I ask"
Expect an apology to you and the barber and just keep talking about it until the next appointment I fully realize that this is never convenient. BUT again it will get better and easier. The younger the children are when they realize that you mean what you say and follow through the less situations you will have to deal with in the future.

These behaviors are not always easy to "write" about as there are so many scenarios etc that the blog would turn into a book. I, again, am more than happy to dialog with you about any of these issues. I personally am not opposed to a paddle on the bottom during times of out-right disobedience. Always discipline in private and having your emotions under control or wait until you can.

As always, Blessings on you and yours!

Talking About Lying

2011-11-29T22:50:00.000-08:00

...You know those little white ones or the ones we grin at as our toddler holds the lipstick behind her back, all the while her face is covered, and innocently says " mommy, I haven't been in your makeup!"

What to do about lying?

First of all I want to say that I don't think you should ever laugh or smile about lying. Too many times we reiterate bad behavior as we tell our mate or friend what little Johnny just did. Our children hear us and too often think that it was no big deal cause mom is laughing about it now.

When your child first begins to lie, you need to as best as you can, talk to them about why it is not the right thing to do. I suggest you get a child's book about the subject.
Lying has to be dealt with.

http://www.whattoexpect.com/toddler/behavior/lying.aspx is a good write up about lying.

"Above all, recognize that the purpose and desire of every parent is to encourage honesty. That is a characteristic, not just a behavior. When all is said and done, we want our children to love the truth, not to fear it; and to hate lies, not merely the punishment that lying brings" T. Quek.

Night Time Woes

2011-11-28T20:27:00.000-08:00

A young mom writes: "My 3yr old twins are not sleeping in their beds and it's gone from bad to worse with them coming in at all hours and it's just nuts. Does anyone have any incentives (or threats lol) that have worked to keep kids in their beds? I've tried the Santa angle most recently and it's not working. Neither is anything else I've tried. Thoughts?"

I truly wish there was an "easy" answer. Not that it is hard, it is just really an issue of getting the parent(s) to do what needs to be done.

Draw a new line in the sand, the old one has gotten blurry.
Decide what you will and will not accept. Can they come in at all? Saturday morning? Think this through. I don't say this to make you feel guilty. You just need to decide what you are expecting and STICK WITH IT
I, personally, wanted my children to sleep in their own beds. No exceptions. IF I invited them in one night because my husband was out of town, etc, I would make it VERY CLEAR that this was a treat.

BUT
lets get them sleeping in their own beds first
.
First thing in the morning, on a stay-at-home day, sit down with the girls and tell them the new rule. Discuss it with them. Make a chart. Give an incentive. 1 night, a game with mom before bed, 2 nights, a __________ 3 nights___________ a full week a trip to the icecream store etc (Make these rewards small, you don't want to have to be offering Disney World after a week of success!)
Explain that it is not a punishment but will be punishable. Not only will they miss out on a treat but there will be a consequence of ie missing a favorite show, going to bed earlier, whatever
Speak of it ALL DAY LONG. Have them tell you about it. Make sure they are understanding. Make a chart together.
When you tuck them in bed, do so after they have brushed their teeth, washed up and had a little time with you. Reiterate over and over that they are to stay in bed.
Say goodnight, pray and leave the room. I liked to softly play a CD for them to go to sleep with. Expain that if they wake up, they need to just turn over and go back to sleep. If they need to use the bathroom let them know they need to crawl right back in bed after.

Mom and Dad, make up your mind, NO MATTER HOW TIRED YOU ARE, that you are going to see this through.
I hope that this is clear for you. This is a very doable situation.
If you would like to email me your phone # I am more than happy to discuss this with you to help you work it out. It really will not be that long before they are both sleeping soundly and so are you
BTW do they still take naps?

Blessings!

Also make sure their bed is an inviting place to sleep. A bed made with clean sheets, blanket, good pillow, case and favorite teddy are important.

Starting Young

2011-11-27T20:49:00.000-08:00

A great quote came to my mind today.
Years ago a couple of my boys went down the road to the "old man's" house to see if he had any "jobs" for them to do.

He told them this saying;
" A boy's a boy. Two boys is half a boy and three boys is no boy at all"

Isn't that a good one! I think that we would all agree that there is some real truth in this saying.

Soooo how about training your children NOW, while they are young. At around 3-4 begin to ask your child to do specific chores. One by one....with very specific boundaries.

"Cary, I would like you to pick up all the clothes in the bathroom and put them in this basket."
"Judy. Please put all the books away."
Now the biggest issue is making sure you are giving a job that CAN be done. One that is not too difficult or vague. What you are trying to do is train the child to do the job TOTALLY.

You must go and check the work. Make sure that they have done it well. Stay with them until they complete it the way it should be done. Later train them with something else. (daily is good)

Parents, this IS training!
You are teaching them work ethics. THIS IS GOOD. It needs to be done. Don't get upset if it is not done correctly. Show and explain to them how to do it. Watch for laziness and the child getting sidetracked. Bring them back to the task. Follow them through to the end.

If you meet irritation, rebellion or laziness, bring correction. Again don't get angry just mean what you say.
Johnny "I don't want to do it"
Mom "It is a job I want you to do now"
etc etc
"Johnny, you will sit on your bed until you are willing to do the job"
FOLLOW thru.

Mom and Dad THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!
Please begin young. If you have not JUST BEGIN. Explain that you have overlooked training and that you are going to begin now. It will not kill them....The upset will not last forever. You must win.

This is YOUR job, not the teachers, neighbors or employers. Teach them work ethics young and by your example.

Blessings!

The Origins of Thanksgiving with Charlie Brown Part 2

2011-11-22T21:30:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yeAtelXK9P4&feature=related

I hope you will have time to watch this second half. I also pray you will teach your children about "fasting"

It is good to "go without", whether you are a Christian or not, as it helps refocus, bring clarity and bring centered thinking. Why do we always think that it is all about us? When you fast a meal or dessert, etc think about the masses around the world that have nothing.

BE THANKFUL!

Blessings!

The Origins of Thanksgiving with Charlie Brown

2011-11-21T20:12:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=yRobYUSZ4do

This is the first half and will be followed with the second half tomorrow. This would be good to watch with your children. There are facts that you can go over and will promote conversation. Stretch them with this conversation. Fast some comforts for a day and consider how we live.

Blessings!

Talking with the Teen

2011-11-20T21:15:00.000-08:00

You are in conversation with a friend. Your daughter Molly comes by and says "Mom, I'm going over to Jason's house to work on that project as soon as we get home."
What do you say?
This is a place that trouble can brew. First of all you are preoccupied. Too often we answer quickly to get back to our conversation. A child can many times find loop holes because we are not on our toes.

You need to be careful not to make the child feel put on the spot ( even though they have put you on one) I had a rule for years that if a child asked me if someone could come over, sleep over, eat over, etc in front of the child it would be an automatic NO. I explained I did not ever want to be put on the spot.

You can always say "Molly we will talk about this on the way home"
"but Mom, I have to know now"
"I gave you my answer"

Remember 16 is NOT 17 or 18. I hear moms often say "Marnie, I need to talk to you....my son,16, almost 17 years old is giving me problems" What I sometimes hear here is..."I'm just waiting for them to turn the magic age so that I can say, " I raised them right, now they are making their own decisions" Don't give up the reins too early parent. Sometimes in the latter teens the reins need to be yanked in a few times as the young adult begins to push the boundary.

A loose version of this happened this morning with me. The mom and I were chatting about teens when her daughter came to talk about a project plan. The mom firmly made the statement that she would like the boy to come to their house for the project. It was clear that the girl was not happy and she asked "why" a couple of times. The mom clearly said "no, I've made up my mind and I don't have to give you a reason now."

We talked later and I found out that the child did not give her mom a hard time on the way home. This is very good. The mom commended her daughter for this, which is good as well.

It's a dance parents. We are always needing to learn new steps and music. It's ok, it goes with the territory. Don't be discouraged, hold your ground. It is easier to let the leash out than it is to pull it back. Try not to make quick decisions that you may later be sorry for.

Want to talk further about this and other teen issues? Have a few gals over and we can round table discuss this. My house or yours just give me a call.
Blessings!

It must STOP!

2011-11-17T20:18:00.000-08:00

What am I referring to:
The amount of time what our children are mesmerized by the television, video games and or the computer.

Parents ~ We are losing our children!

They do not even know how to play anymore. Their imaginations have dried up and blown away because of lack of use. If you would suggest they play outside etc you are met with whining, crying, arguing etc etc.

Truly the story is accurate that when my generation were kids we PLAYED. with each other or even by ourselves. We raced, built forts, played ball, even if it were throwing the ball onto the roof and catching it when it rolled back.! How about marbles, jump rope? How is it that those games, Jax for instance, would keep us busy for an afternoon.

SO if you have a couch potato on your hands, if Susie cannot be pried off of her computer and Seth from his hand held games IT'S TIME!
Take control and begin to break the habit now! Pull out the board games, get a story on CD or better yet read to each other. There are some GREAT card games, solitaire, Phase 10, Flinch, Uno, Skipbo etc etc.

I fully realize that "they" will now be "underfoot", but only for a while until they learn how to play again. Please parents help them. Provide them with the things they need. Cards are much cheaper than a video game.
The ball is in YOUR court. What are you going to do? Raising children is full time and active. Get your hands on these kids and see what happens!

Blessings!

Thanksgiving

2011-11-16T19:37:00.000-08:00

....is a week away. It is not too early to plan it out,

Now if you are fortunate enough to be invited to someone's home, pick up some cranberry sauce and have a great time!
tips: (if you are going with children.)....
1. take extra sets of clothes, diapers, bibs, sippy cups etc. Ask if you need to bring a highchair etc
2 Pack some food if the child is small.
3 Think thru discipline, who will be there, naps etc etc. Have a plan
4 Talk it thru with your spouse so that you are both aware.
5 If your child breaks something be expected to replace the item.
6 Talk to your child/children about what is expected etc so that they are not guessing.
7 When you leave ~ pick up after yourself!
8 Remember your children are YOUR children and you are responsible for them ~ no one else.

If you are hosting this special holiday.
1. Make your guest list and make some calls
2. Make your menu and delegate who will make or bring what
3. Make this delegation clear so that you are not having the 15lbs of potatoes peeled into your sink but that they arrive ready to serve
4. If you have some toys,,,get them out and think it thru.
5. Clean your house the day before with special attention to the bathrooms and kitchen
6 Think thru the table setting...where you are seating everyone, how you will serve the food, what dishes you will use

Perhaps you should start a tradition if you do not have one. We put 2 kernels of corn on everyone's plate and when we sit down we go around the table saying the 2 things that we are thankful for.
(google for some other ideas)
Maybe you can all share a favorite movie with the kids while the men watch the game.

Whatever you do, with a little planning I pray that you will have a WONDERFUL day!

Blessings!

Christmas and the Grandparents~

2011-11-15T19:20:00.000-08:00

I chatted with a Great Grandmother and friend today. I write this on behalf of our conversation.

Christmas is around the corner. You are making your lists and checking them twice.
Please when it comes to the older people on your list take a few minutes and consider their needs. Almost 100% of the elderly I have spoken to have said "I don't need anything" I have to agree. Not one more knickknack, blanket or bottle of perfume should be found under their tree.

How about a car detail, Market Basket gift certificate, Gas card, Walmart gift card, restaurant card etc etc. Consider their ages and their "state" Are they still moving around easily? Could they use you to help them in their yard or around the house? Washing windows, vacuuming and change seasonal clothes are all jobs that get to be just TOO BIG.
How about a day when all the kids gather to work on projects? Maybe a few dinners for the freezer?

Think your list thru....Don't just buy anything/everything to just allow you to cross someone else off of your list. Put some thought behind your gift.
It will be much appreciated!

Blessings!

Trouble

2011-11-14T21:31:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the actions of our children just "slam" us. They take us by surprise and we lose our breath and are shook to the core. Perhaps your child has stolen, bullied, defaced someones property or done something sexual and right in the middle of "life as usual" you are stopped with the realization that you have a problem on your hands. It takes the wind out of your sail and you hardly know what to do.

First, I want to suggest you to really consider the age of the child. We, as adults, want to believe that no matter how young or old our child is that they MUST KNOW BETTER! We spin because we don't know what to do or where to turn. Be careful of your immediate reaction. Breath and talk with your spouse or trusted friend or counselor. You need to process and you also need to do some digging of your own to see where the breakdown started.

As parents many times our guard can be down and it is only when a situation happens that we are jerked back to reality. Whether it is our child's friends or their computer usage, television or involvement on the bus and at school we must not overlook the situation.

I beg you to follow it through until the end. Don't just go on your way once the dust has settled. Don't crucify your child especially if he/she is younger. Take the time and make the effort to get to the bottom of the issue. Our children go out into the world every day and stuff flies at them from every direction.

I listened to /saw 2 situations just this week. one was from a concerned parent and the other a post on facebook : have you ever hurt so bad over a child that you can't breathe?

Friends it goes with having children. So don't take it out on

each other, the dog or the other children. Just pray and get

to the bottom of the problem. Work it through just as long

as you need to . It is a learning curve for all the parties

concerned. Nothing is new under the sun and this too shall

pass. But before it does let "it"do its work on you and yours

so that wisdom and learning will come and benefit the future

of all the concerned.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

2011-11-10T21:11:00.000-08:00

Before this month is over I suggest you go looking around. Check under beds, in closets and outside. I'm sure you will find "them" everywhere! TOYS!

Take a good-- long -- look. Remember all that money you spent last Christmas and birthday? What has become of that investment? Is Johnny taking care of his things? Does Susie even remember or even care that the barbies clothes are gone along with most of the doll's heads as well?

If this is the case in your home...rethink.
Toys are really expensive.
The holidays come and we become a child ourselves for a moment and will do just about anything just to see that first look of surprise when the gift is open.
But then what happens?
What is being played with at the end of the day?
What is broken already?
What has just been pushed aside and will be ignored for the rest of the year?

Let's make a plan. Now I know that there are children who LOVE their Lego's and American Girl Dolls. That is great! I think it is wonderful to add to a collection that is used and loved. BUT all the rest of the stuff that becomes "junk" in a very short time....THINK ABOUT IT!

Don't wait till the last minute ~ get creative! Perhaps karate lessons or horseback or skating or.....
How about a night out on the town with your son and 3 of his friends? How about putting your head together with some of your children's best friend's parents and see what you might come up with. Coupons for pj parties or trips to the zoo or museum.

All I'm saying is: don't waste your hard earned money on 100's of pieces of plastic that are going to be lost, broken and or forgotten in a short period of time. Be Smart! It takes time and thought but it will be worth it!

There is a GREAT email going around about spending our money in OUR country! Think it over ~ What a great idea!

Watch Your Mouth!

2011-11-09T19:07:00.000-08:00

Oh be careful little mouth what you say!

Grandmas don't know everything!

Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandma for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?'

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth.

'Well, dear, it's called sexual intercourse.’ Little Tony said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,

'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mum wants to talk to you.'

Now we can laugh but I caution you to please take a moment to listen and talk to your children. They have thoughts, questions and feelings. Too often we push them aside because we are too busy etc to take the time. Take the time and listen well. Perhaps it would be best to ask a few questions too!

Blessings!

Louder is Not Better!

2011-11-08T20:28:00.000-08:00

Why is it? Instead of taking action we just talk louder. Sammy does not come when called and we start to escalate. Get up my friend and tend to business. If you will decide to "pull in the reins" (last weeks blog) you will immediately get up and mean what you say.

Our children are not stupid. That is why they are acting the way that they are! They know that they do not need to come when called, pick up the toys, go brush their teeth etc. They wait until they hear a certain tone of voice and THEN they move.

Well surprise them! Don't give them a second or third chance. When they find themselves on their bed, losing privileges , going to bed early etc, believe me, they will respond quickly.

No need to lose your temper. No need to yell and scream. No need to threaten or throw a tantrum! Just say what you mean and
MEAN WHAT YOU SAY!!

You CAN do this!

A Word of Thanks

2011-11-07T18:07:00.000-08:00

We so often think that parenting is a thankless job.....Yes, that tends to be true until your child has reached parenthood. That is when I began to write thank you notes to my mom on a regular basis.

Mom thank you for always being there
Thank you for providing in every way.
Thank you for being a constant example
Thank you for being fair
Thank you for going the extra mile
Thank you for the boundaries
Thank you for the support
Thank you for never "rubbing my nose in it"
Thank you for ironing my bed on those cold cold nights
Thank you for planning fun

Don't forget Dad either....

There is nothing like a hand written card or note. Start something today and send one. If your parent is alive send a thank you. They may have been far from perfect but I actually think that is beside the point. There has got to be something that you can find to thank them for. You can also write one to your husband, child, teacher etc etc The sky is the limit.

Life is short ~ let people know that you care

Blessings!

Pulling in the Reins

2011-11-06T20:26:00.000-08:00

Have things gotten a tad out of control?
Are the "boundary lines" blurred?
Have your "rules" been stretched?

Let's pull in the reins today!
Remember....you hold them!
You guide the working of your home and family and all that that entails.

I know that that is a scary thought, but it does not need to be. If you are overwhelmed talk to someone for some guidance. Get some help. Don't continue on the downward spiral because you are embarrassed or buried. I am more than happy to help guide you back to your focus by talking it out and setting up a plan. You will feel so much better and before you know it things will begin to "fall into place!

Do yourself a favor today and pull in the reins!

Friends~!

2011-11-01T21:40:00.000-07:00

I just finished tonite's blog only to lose it to cyber space !!

It's past midnight and I just can't make another one happen tonite.

Have a great day today!
Love on your family!
Take time to breath in and see all that you have
Tweak your perspective
and remember

Love covers a multitude of sin!

Marriage ~ a story passed on ~

2011-10-31T20:00:00.000-07:00

Married or not… you should read this.

Marriage.

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Noise

2011-10-30T21:07:00.000-07:00

The world is FULL of it! I know many who, walking into the house carrying groceries, will go and turn the TV on before setting the bags down!

When was the last time that you sat in silence? In the car we listen to talk radio, at work we have noise of one kind or another all around us, at home the TV, kids, phone, etc etc are always vying for attention.

Practice some silence today ~ solitude. Teach your children young that it is good to know silence. I'm sure some of you think right now that this is totally crazy!. I don't think so. start with 5 minutes, sitting in a chair quietly do nothing.... Want to know how to stretch your time? Try this exercise! 5 minutes can actually feel quite long!

It is good for children to be silent. Years ago we used to hear "children should be seen and not heard". While we live in a different time and society today I do believe there is something to this saying. Children need to learn how to sit still, be quiet, wait their turn etc etc without having a melt down...The idea is to start young.

Practice today with sitting with your children at the dinner table with a timer on for 3 mins. Try it every day for a week or 2 then lengthen it.

Last winter one of my granddaughters came to spend the night and go to church with me. On the way home from the service I asked her if she would like to go to Friendlies or eat at home. She immediately said the restaurant. Within a few minutes she said "Grandbabe, do you think we could just go home and eat?" I quickly agreed and as I was making some soup and a sandwich she quietly gathered books and sat down by the wood stove and read for hours! I realized that being the oldest of 4 little ones she needed quiet and it did not take her very long to realize that was what she wanted and needed! Good for her!!

Try it! You might like it!!

Blessings!

The Beginning of Discipline

2011-10-26T21:22:00.000-07:00

I was with a young mom a while back who had a baby around 6 months old. She told how she had to discipline her little one because he kept crawling over and chewing on the wires near some electronics.

Parents, babies at this age do not need this kind of discipline. Our job is to keep our babies safe and we need to know exactly where they are and what they are doing at all times. (Where have all the playpens gone???)
At this early age the child does not get the concept of right or wrong. He is learning, exploring, tasting and grabbing anything within reach. This is totally normal.
I will say that at this age and a little older you may experience them begin to struggle when you are trying to diaper them. They wiggle and turn and make it almost impossible to do the job. An "attention getting" tap on the bum and a firm 'No" is usually all that it takes and they are able to learn about not fighting you. This is also a time when you might begin to see/hear the beginning of a temper flair up when they are not getting the attention that they want.

When you have done your job and the child is warm, fed, clean etc etc allow them to "voice their opinion" now and then....These lung workouts never hurt them and many times it is what they need to unwind and fall asleep. All within reason my friend. This is certainly not a license to never have to hold your baby or a reason to shake them out of anger. If you feel you are "losing" it get some help and some sleep. Your patience and actions will be much better when you have taken care of yourself.

This too will pass dear friend and he/she will be wanting to use the car before you know it!

Blessings!

Nicknames

2011-10-25T20:37:00.000-07:00

Do you have nicknames for your children?

My dad was big on giving everyone a second name. Each of my children had at least one.

At Cousin Camp this year we were talking about having nick-names and we thought of one for our youngest camper. It was going to be "Loser". He lost everything!! Shoes, hat, drink etc etc etc. We laughed about it but never used it because of the connotation. Even though our intention was ok the word itself would not have been kind.

I had friends along time ago that called their children "Brat" I have heard "little devil" and "stupid"

Think about what you call your children. If you want to have a family nickname think it through as it will be something that they hear over and over.

In the movie "The Help", a Negro maid/nanny took the little girl aside daily and said the same thing over and over:
"You is kind, You is smart, You is important".

I love that~over and over each day...until they believe it themselves!

Same to you my friend!

Schedules

2011-10-24T20:08:00.000-07:00

I've probably written about this before but I believe it demands repeating.

Children LOVE schedules. They love repetition, regime and tradition. You will hear them as they get a little older. "We ALWAYS do_____________ ."

You do yourself a favor in those first years especially when you get the family on a schedule.
Up at a.m.
breakfast (have the children sit at the table and do not let them get down until breakfast is done..this should be the regime of all meals)
Daily Habits (bathroom stuff)
rooms make beds and pick up
Take laundry to the laundry room (throw in a load)
Think about what you will have for dinner and take it out of the freezer etc.
Clean up the kitchen
spend some one on one time with the children
lunch
clean up and read a book
nap/ quiet time for ALL preschoolers
wake up, have a healthy snack (we ALWAYS had a fruit and a piece of candy)
play out side if possible
begin dinner while children are playing
set the table (children can help) train them early
ALL eat together (This is a good time to begin slowly asking the kids about their days. Even the youngest will appreciate being singled out to answer a question)
clear table, children helping sweep under, wipe trays etc
kitchen (get it out of the way)
ready the children for bed....
A preschooler should be in bed by 7-7:30 They need their sleep
Take time to clean them up teeth, bath or wash up, Read a book or two and tuck them in bed after bathroom etc
This is a great chore for Dad to do at the end of the day while you are cleaning up after dinner. It gives him quality time and a chance to pray with them before bed.

Don't fly by the seat of your pants any longer.....schedule...things will go much smoother and easier

Blessings!

Another Boo-boo

2011-10-23T19:52:00.000-07:00

I had a daughter who, when she was small, we called the Boo Boo Queen of America!
It would happen at interesting times during the day...but especially evening and more specifically after she had been tucked into bed. You could almost time her....5 mins, maybe 10 here she would come, whimpering and holding some part of her body that was either feeling like it was going to fall off or in the need of emergency surgery.

Today in church a young family sat in front of me, the little girl, perhaps 3 ish, hurt her leg somehow. I did not see anything happen but her little face began to scrunch up and she began to whimper. Her mom looked at her, listened for a moment, then bent down to rub her leg for a few seconds. Having done this she then went back into worship. The little one was not satisfied and began to get her moms attention again. Her mom did the same thing. On the 3rd time, the mom sat down beside her, took her little leg in her hand and rubbed it for a minute or so. AHHHHH relief set in. Satisfaction met. Her little face changed and she was instantly better.
The miracle cure? Attention...one on one.
Many times we prolong the issues of our children because we don't stop for a minute and take time to listen and attend to their needs. Parent~ you can save yourself alot of time and energy if you will respond correctly the first time because believe me, and you've seen it yourself, they do not give up easily!

Blessings on you as you walk the path of parenthood. May you succeed and raise happy, well adjusted children!

Punishment

2011-10-20T20:24:00.000-07:00

"Fred is going to be bummed to find out that he cannot play video games tonite until the kids are in bed."
"Why?"
"Well Jeremy lost privileges and it would not be fair for him to see his dad playing when he can't."

WHO says so????
Why do we feel like everyone needs to be punished because someone chose to disobey?
This summer during our Cousin Camp one of the cousins did not come when called. This is the 2nd rule of Cousin Camp : You must come when called the first time. It is the only rule that can break the First Rule which is: Ice Cream EVERYDAY!
As we stood in line at the ice cream stand everyone made their choices and took their cones to the picnic table. She did not. Nothing was said.
We ate,
she waited.
THE END and you know what??

It WAS the end!
It never happened again!
Stick with what you say parents! Follow through. Don't let your child hold you hostage in any way shape or form. It's called discipline and it is how they learn!

Parenting

2011-10-19T21:46:00.000-07:00

Too tired to write tonite! I have just finished preparing a luncheon for 12 tomorrow and am wiped.

Would you be interested in a Parenting Series here at my home? I would be more than willing to do it. I would split it up by age groups and we would gather for a couple of hours on a week night.

I also am more than willing to come to you! Gather up some of your friends and I will come and field questions and round table talk with you all. Let me know if you are interested @

marnie.gileadsbalm@gmail.com

Tuesday

2011-10-18T21:56:00.000-07:00

Another day in the neighborhood.

Same old ~ same old.

Mundane madness....food, clean up, food, clean up, food, clean up interspersed with laundry, phone calls, errands, household tasks, etc etc
Just makes you want to get back in bed doesn't it!

Today why not "shake it up".
Do something out of the ordinary. Bake some banana bread and take it to the neighbor along with some pictures that the kids have drawn. Spread some blessings!!

I have the ABSOLUTE BEST Banana Bread Recipe It can be whipped up in minutes and any neighbor would find it a real treat!

Cream 1 stick butter with 1 cup sugar.
Add an egg continue to beat
Throw in 3 very ripe bananas (mash them first if you do not have a strong mixer)
Add 1 and half cups of flour plus 1 tsp of baking soda

Pour into a greased loaf pan or it will make 2-3 of the little loaf pans (so you can spread the warmth even further!)
Bake about 45-50 mins for a regular loaf pan..
Delish!

PS I find bananas on the markdown rack for around 20 cents a lb. Buy some and if they are good and black (Yes!!! don't you dare throw those ugly looking things out!) throw them just as they are in the freezer and you will be ready at a moments notice to surprise your family with something yummy!

Love you all!

Bullies

2011-10-17T20:16:00.000-07:00

What would you do if your son went down the street to go see if kids could play- and those kids were beating on your kid (leaving marks on his face) and swearing at him calling him an f'in A. And you found out that in self defense, your kid tackled the kid and used a swear word back (but didn't use it successfully or have it make any kind of sense) but he came home all beat up.... what would you do

I read this on a facebook page of a friend.
How sad, but we must remember bullies have been around since the beginning of time.

Bullying is a form of aggressive behavior, which may manifest as abusive treatment, the use of force or coercion to affect others,^[2] particularly when habitual and involving an imbalance of power. It may involve verbal harassment, physical assault or coercion and may be directed persistently towards particular victims, perhaps on grounds of race, religion, gender, sexuality, or ability.^[3]^[4]The "imbalance of power" may be social power and/or physical power. The victim of bullying is sometimes referred to as a "target."A person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people

Bullying consists of three basic types of abuse – emotional, verbal, and physical. It typically involves subtle methods of coercion such as intimidation.

When this happened in my yard I would simply go out and deal with it.. I spoke to both of the children and rarely did I have to call a parent. This situation above is different. The children are out of the yard with no adult witnesses. In this case I would have my husband go to the parents of the offender(s). He should go in peace with the intention to just let the parents know what has gone on. After that the real work begins as you take the TIME to talk it all through with your child. We do not want to have children who walk the hallways or streets afraid.

NOW lets say that it is your child that is the bully.......DEAL WITH IT! Nip it in the bud! Strike hard and fast! Let you child know that under NO circumstance are they going to be allowed to pick on someone for ANY reason. If need be bring in counsel. ....Have your child apologize to the child and the parent and also have a punishment leveled at home as well. Check in with the school to make sure that your child is behaving. Talk to the guidance counselor.
This type of situation must not be ignored or overlooked.. Parents please do not turn your head the other way concerning either situation.
Let's teach our kids how to be kind and stick up for the underdog.
This summer I got the American Girl's Movie "Charissa takes Courage." It is excellent !! I would recommend it to all young families using it as a spring board for a great discussion
Blessings!

The Family Bed

2011-10-16T21:13:00.000-07:00

A reader writes: I would like to know your thoughts on the
"family bed" pros, cons, issues, cut off time etc.

I will admit that I have not done research on this but am more than

willing to share my thoughts.

My personal definition of the "family bed" is: a safe, warm place where you can go to snuggle, be read to, watch a show with mom and dad and/or talk. It is a Saturday morning type of place.

Even though I breast fed all my children and there were admittedly times that I fell asleep with the baby between us in bed, I do not believe that it should be the norm. Not only are babies unable to free themselves from tight and confined places, I know I never slept well as I was so aware of the little ones protection. It is also important to realize not everyone might be this conscious in their sleep.
When the toddler is able to crawl out of the crib it is probably time to set up a “big boy/girl bed” These beds need to be introduced with excitement and lots of conversation.   “Johnny, tonite you are going to sleep in your new bed. I got you this new teddy to keep you company while you sleep and also see the night light? That will come on when it gets dark. We will see you in the morning and I will come in and kiss you on my way to bed.”
I believe that babies should have their cribs and children their beds.   You should make your child’s bed a warm and comfortable place. A top and bottom sheet should be on the bed along with a blanket or two depending on the weather. (If your child is a bed wetter be sure that he/she is sleeping on a rubber backed sheet so that you are not having to strip a bed in the middle of the night.)
A good pillow with a clean pillowcase should top it off. The pillowcase should be changed at least weekly and the sheets every two weeks if the child bathes on a regular basis.
I realize I have drifted off the main subject but I guess in my mind sleeping with my children on a regular basis was simply not an option. If it has become the norm in your home and you don’t like it anymore you are simply going to have to set a new rule, draw a new boundary and make yourself clear to your child.   “Katie, I know that you have been sleeping with me for quite a while now but we have decided it is time for you to be back in your own bed now.” Mean what you say and say what you mean.
Even today my bed is important to me. It makes the difference in how I rest.

Again, I welcome questions and am more than willing to hold a personal dialog with you concerning this or any other question.

Sleep well friend!

Ambiance

2011-10-13T21:40:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year again!

Today the rain drizzled all day.

At the last minute I had company for dinner.

I ran to the market

Lit some candles

Made sure the bathroom was in good condition

Set the table

and cooked

I love fall, which is a miracle if you knew the work that these months hold for me

There is just something cozy about this kind of day.

Is your home a "nest"

Does it have ambiance?

Can you make it cozy?

Before the kids get home from school or your husband walks thru the door

straighten up your "living" rooms

Have something good smelling cooking

Light a candle and put on some music.

Bring some cozy into your home.

This may not be able to happen over night

But you CAN make it happen.

You don't need to have alot of money or things

Love and hugging arms

create a great beginning!

If you need further ideas or instruction just drop me a line

my brain never runs out of ideas!

Happy Fall!

Teething....

2011-10-12T21:35:00.000-07:00

Poor baby!

Chewing on everything, drooling all day long.
There is really no way of knowing when those first little teeth will break the surface. My babies all were around 10 months which is thought to be quite late. I have seen babies pop a tooth as early as 8-10 weeks old!

Please beware of some symptoms that can accompany teething. Acidic smelling diarrhea, sore red bottom and a low fever. I have seen it over and over again and I have also heard and read from Doctors that these symptoms have nothing to do with teething.! Then why, may I ask them, do the symptoms go away as soon as the tooth break the surface?

Granted it may not affect 100% of all babies this way but I do believe it is quite common.

Providing something that they can chew on is good (other than the breast :( ) is a good thing. Keep a bib on the baby and change it often and that will help with the laundry and change the diaper as soon as there is any evidence . A cold cloth to chew on or a teething toy is good plus a low dose of baby pain reliever will help get you over the hump.
Mom it won't last forever.... Make sure YOU get your rest so that you can help your child endure the discomfort with out adding your irritation/frustration.

You are doing a good job!
Blessings!

PS I found that on the few times I was "bit" while nursing that a quick reaction and tap on the thigh was enough to stop the biting from becoming a habit. Not pleasant for anyone!

Children and Toys

2011-10-11T21:12:00.000-07:00

Do yourself a favor....

Notice that a 2 year old plays totally differently with toys than a 3 year old. I had the privilege of helping pick up after a 2 year old today. The room was all clean and within minutes the book case was emptied and the various containers holding blocks and play food etc were strewn across the room. That is what 2 year olds do. They like to "dump and strew". They can play with blocks for a few minutes and then their little hands just start to push and scatter, knocking down everything in sight.
My suggestion to moms of toddlers is to put "messy" toys up out of reach so that they can be gotten with assistance and picked up before the next toy is taken out. Realize also that toddlers are not "into" toys so make it easy on your pocketbook when it comes to birthdays and Christmas. They need bigger things that are good for large motor skills. Stuffed animals, a dryer box to play in, dolls etc.

After 3 years of age you will find that the fine motor skill will start to develop. Matchbox cars will become an interest. Smaller blocks and puzzle pieces will not be so frustrating. Children will learn to play by themselves better and their imaginations will start to grow. You will be able to direct and reason with your child alot easier at these ages and they will be able to pick up much better by themselves. Still, watch and take note of what toys are working and what are not.

Don't feel like you cannot return a toy if it is being overlooked or not going to be of interest to the child (they are too expensive to just be kicked around a broken) or perhaps you would just stash it away for a later time. Remember the suggestion about a box of "rainy day" toys to be gotten out when you have depleted all of your resources. Also keeping a box of toys in the attic and switching them out every 4-6 months really works well too.

Have fun! Do yourself a favor if these "little" pieces are driving you crazy and just collect them and put them away for another time.

Blessings!

Practice Makes Perfect

2011-10-10T20:52:00.000-07:00

Years ago I attended a Family Homeschool Camp for a week. IT WAS WONDERFUL!
One day as some of the moms sat out under the trees talking, a young mom spoke to me about how her little one just ignored her when she called and how frustrating it was. Her little girl, around 3 was playing with children within viewing distance.

I told her that she was being given a perfect opportunity to work on the behavior. I suggested that she call her daughter right then. "Brittany, come here please" Brittany looked up but continued to play. She called again. No one came. I then encouraged her to go and get her. She did and brought her back to where we were sitting and spoke at length to her about coming when called. She had her little one sit with her for 5 minutes or so, again reminded her to come when called and let her go. About 20 minutes later we went thru the whole process again. After an afternoon of practice Brittany's behavior changed. She came when called.

Now...... this is wonderful but you MUST be consistent or you will lose any progress immediately. It will truly be worth it in the long run. Just mean what you say.
During our week of summer Cousin Camp, one of the rules is "to come when you are called" I follow this very strictly. While having a bunch of little ones in my care, I feel it mandatory that they come when called ~ the FIRST TIME~. It is the only rule that can break our Primary Rule of *Ice cream everyday*

Yes a couple of campers have gone without ice cream for a day but I assure you it only happened once~
Parents~ MEAN WHAT YOU SAY! Sat what you mean!

Blessings!

Language and Speech

2011-10-09T21:30:00.000-07:00

I feel prompted to write this because of all the babies I see trying to learn to talk around a pacifier*.
It does not work.

I took elocution lessons growing up and I can see many areas where it has helped me. Not only being able to speak in front of people but also the ability to get a message across with clarity and understanding.
Pronunciation and wordage is important in this society even though it is being used less and less correctly. When children are around 15 months they should, on the average, have at least 15 words that they are using properly. I've seen children who have a whole vocabulary at this age and others who are still making more noise than anything else.
As parents we need to be aware of this. Our ears often become accustomed to our child's language as we understand them and thus do not correct them on their words. Start today to listen afresh as to how your little one is talking. Is he/she speaking clearly? If not take them on your lap and have them look at your mouth as you speak the words and then have them repeat. Pick one or two words a day to work on by asking them thru-out their play time how to say certain things.
A tape recorder is good for this as well where you can make a tape of words that they can repeat after you. This is also a great time to begin to use flash cards teaching colors, shapes etc. Introduce a new card or two after they have the first 4-5 memorized.

This really is important. The earlier that you catch and work on these language skills the better. The older the child the harder to break the habits of incorrect speech.
I also believe it is best not to teach a toddler any other language until he has a good grasp of the English language* It is just too confusing for little minds to decipher between all the words and meanings at such a young age.
*Personally I feel the pacifier should be gone at 2 and between the ages of 1 and 2 should be kept in the crib for nap times alone. It is like anything else. You just need to put your mind to it, spend the couple of uncomfortable days and rid the house of them. Perhaps you could replace it with a small new stuffed animal or something to lessen the "sting" of the ajustment.
* If the family is bilingual the child should just do fine as he hears both languages being spoken interchangeably.

Blessings!

I'm SORRY!

2011-10-06T21:34:00.000-07:00

Friends, I have written the same blog for my "Musings with Marnie"
and this Parenting/Family Blog. (Please forgive me :) if you have
received this twice.) I feel that it is important.

Parents please work with your family/children on this most important
tool....It WILL make a difference in their life for years to come. It
may take time in the beginning to work that stubbornness out but
with patience and practice it will come easier. Don't overlook it.

I appreciate you all!

Remember dealing with your child when they needed to say that

they were sorry? They have pinched someone, taken a toy, tattled

etc and you have stepped in and said "Now say you're sorry to

your brother" It's amazing how hard that word is to say. Many a
child has had to be punished simply because they would not
follow through with this word, the gaze goes down, the feet
shuffle and stubbornness comes to the surface.

So interesting.

And then after threat upon threat they FINALLY say

"I'm SORRY !" You can hear it can't you? A two word

sentence filled with rebellion. It's that "I may be sitting

down but I'm standing up on the inside~ type thing."

Sooooo how you doing with this word in your life now?

Now that you are grown are you able to say it easier? Have

you ever actually let yourself feel sorry? Has your heart ever

hurt because you have caused someone pain or discomfort?

Are you able to own it?

Get in front of a mirror and say it....."I'm sorry" Practice it

until it flows easier. Perhaps you need to actually say you're

sorry to yourself for things that you have allowed into your

life and choices that have landed you where you are. Start

there first....Forgive yourself don't be caught off guard if

you cry, its totally alright.

When dealing with children I have tried to teach that there

are three other words that are of equal importance as well

and that is "I forgive you" I feel these words need to be said

to "tie up the deal" If the other person does not say anything

you might prompt them by saying "Can you forgive me?"

Be prepared...if they hesitate or say no perhaps the

wound is deeper than you realized. DON'T become irritated

and or frustrated . You have taken time to get to the place to

say it , let them have some time as well. God will give you

the grace to be gracious. Simply say it again and tell them you

will be praying that they can find it in their heart to forgive you.

Friends there is SUCH HEALING in these words. Healing if

the words are said with feeling and remorse and salt if they

are not.

I think that we should look for places and situations where

we can say we are sorry. I think that it makes the ground

fertile between two people. Loosen up, if this blog has riled

you ...if you dare, look at the reason why.

Beloved you have been forgiven much, allow the Lord to

work this into you. It has the power to open closed doors

and build bridges where there are none.

Well done good and faithful servant!

Blessings!