I never thought I would ever write anything with the title- 3 Things I Want My Son to Know About Porn.
But, after being caught off guard and completely surprised nearly two years ago with my first son, the reality of him growing up in an era supersaturated in sex hit me like a ton of bricks.
Hardcore pornography is as accessible as a Google search.
Sexting is as easy as exchanging cell numbers.
Virtual sex with robots is a reality just around the corner.
And that is the world in which my son will learn to be a man.
And it makes me pause.
This is the world in which my son will begin to learn whether people have value or not.
This is the world in which my son will begin to learn whether women are beautifully created beings or objects to exploit.
This is the world in which my son will begin to learn whether relationships and commitment are valuable and worth prioritizing or if they are antiquated ideas that are not worth working for.
This is the world in which my son will begin to learn whether making God, or himself, the center of his life is more important.
After reading an
article last year describing one mother’s account of how an addiction to Internet porn began to drastically change the character and personality of her 11-year old boy, I began to realize the important role I will need to play in my son’s life in how he views people, women, relationships, himself, and God.
The truth is that our sons will need godly wisdom, practical guidance, and constant prayers in order to navigate through this increasingly dangerous minefield. And they will need both men and women who will teach and demonstrate a better way that is fulfilling, abundant, and full of life.
I want to be a part of that important movement for the sake of our sons and daughters.
And this is my first contribution toward making that a reality. Although this is not what I will say verbatim to my son as he gets older, these are certainly the ideas that I plan to share with him at the right time.
Porn will make you think less of yourself and others
Porn will put you at the very center.
It will promise to give you fulfillment without requiring any sacrifice or effort on your part.
And it will sound like the best deal in the world.
But here is what you should know- It is a complete lie.
The truth is that being at the center of your own world, getting what you want out of situations or people, and thinking only about your own fleeting pleasure at the expense of others… is a place of tremendous emptiness and hollowness.
And that is the sad and unfortunate pathway of porn.
It makes you self-centered.
It gives you want you want, any time you want it, at the expense of other people and relationships.
And it makes people nothing more than objects who exist for you.
That kind of existence is completely opposite of fulfillment.
In every way that being God-centered makes you whole, reminds you that you are loved, fills you with life, and helps you see the beauty and value of other human beings… porn will fracture you, will strain or break your relationships, will make you feel hatred toward yourself and others, and will leave you empty and void.
Porn will create an ever-increasing hunger for more
Looking at porn may begin out of curiosity…and that may satisfy you for a while.
But once a small peek no longer thrills or excites you… you will hunger for more.
And this is how so many men become enslaved to porn.
And why so many men spend so many hours viewing it each week.
And why so many men spend so much money on it.
And why so many men can’t escape it, even when they get married.
It creates an ever-increasing appetite that must be fed. And unfortunately, for some men, the appetite becomes so great that not even their wives can fill it.
The truth about porn is that it will always leave you hungry and wanting more… because it is not real nourishment. And though it may appear to satisfy your appetite, it never will.
True nourishment that satisfies our every appetite comes from God alone. And it is God who then works through our committed relationships to give us fulfillment and joy and satisfaction as we have never experienced it before.
Porn creates unfair expectations for your future wife
Porn is not real life.
It is a manufactured idea of sex.
So when you view pornography, this manufactured idea of sex will become your own idea of how sexual intimacy is supposed to be with your wife.
And that is unfair.
Your wife will be compared to every woman in every video you have ever watched.
The sexual performance of your wife will be compared to every woman in every video you have ever watched.
The sexual expectations you have of your wife will be shaped by every woman in every video you have ever watched.
Plain and simple.
And I can’t think of very many things that are as objectifying and dehumanizing toward women, especially the one you love.
But that is what porn does.
It creates an unfair comparison and places unfair expectations on the woman to whom you will one day give an oath to faithfully love.
A much more beautiful relationship is one in which two people come together in marriage without expectations or comparisons.
Of course there are more than 3 things a dad, or a mom, could share with his or her son about porn. So what would you share with your son? What about your daughters?
I look forward to this important discussion.
peace…
brandon
