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Blessings on your MOST IMPORTANT JOB IN THE WORLD!
Blessings!
Showing posts with label training. Show all posts
Showing posts with label training. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Milk
"Milk"
The young lad said as he watched TV while waiting for the bus. My friend watched her sister stop preparing the lunch box, go pour milk, insert and bend a straw and place it at the boy's mouth. He took a sip and she silently went back to her task. In a few minutes the whole scenario was repeated, again with no words and the mom simply complying with the request. The sister finally asked "WHAT are you doing?" to be told, "I'm getting him a drink!"
As she painted the picture back to the mother, the mom's eyes widened as she realized she had not even thought twice about what had been going on.
Actually many things were going on here.
1. The 7-8 year old child had not learned how to get his own drink
2. He did not know how to talk to or respect his mom
3. The mom was oblivious that there was a problem
4. She had become his slave without even realizing the situation.
Too many times we realize that there is a problem when it is close to too late
We seem, all of a sudden, to see a child/teenager who is fresh, disrespectful and unable to do anything for himself. And way too often this comes as a SURPRISE!
Wake up mom and dad! Your children are yours to train. You must not doze off yet. There is still work to be done!
Teach your child to care for himself. Remember you have 18 years to work yourself out of a job! Your child needs to be taught manners, work ethics, respect etc. and you are the one to do it!
Again if you feel things have gone on for too long ask a friend to come along side to help you and work on getting those kids into shape!
We will all love you for it!
Blessings!
The young lad said as he watched TV while waiting for the bus. My friend watched her sister stop preparing the lunch box, go pour milk, insert and bend a straw and place it at the boy's mouth. He took a sip and she silently went back to her task. In a few minutes the whole scenario was repeated, again with no words and the mom simply complying with the request. The sister finally asked "WHAT are you doing?" to be told, "I'm getting him a drink!"
As she painted the picture back to the mother, the mom's eyes widened as she realized she had not even thought twice about what had been going on.
Actually many things were going on here.
1. The 7-8 year old child had not learned how to get his own drink
2. He did not know how to talk to or respect his mom
3. The mom was oblivious that there was a problem
4. She had become his slave without even realizing the situation.
Too many times we realize that there is a problem when it is close to too late
We seem, all of a sudden, to see a child/teenager who is fresh, disrespectful and unable to do anything for himself. And way too often this comes as a SURPRISE!
Wake up mom and dad! Your children are yours to train. You must not doze off yet. There is still work to be done!
Teach your child to care for himself. Remember you have 18 years to work yourself out of a job! Your child needs to be taught manners, work ethics, respect etc. and you are the one to do it!
Again if you feel things have gone on for too long ask a friend to come along side to help you and work on getting those kids into shape!
We will all love you for it!
Blessings!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
A reader writes:
My 8 year old is NOT a shy child at all! However, when we went by my office to drop some paperwork off and people were saying hi to her, she grabbed my jacket and hid behind me and was "acting" shy. I addressed it quietly then and told her to say hi back, and she quickly started to smile and laugh and interact appropriately. When we got home, I brought it up again and addressed it further and told her that her actions were rude and that it would be much more polite to say "hello" back or simply smile and wave her hand.
In my case, it was what seemed to me to be attention seeking behavior...she thought she would get more attention if she were to act shy...but in her attempt to gain more attention she was being rude.
...is this an appropriate conclusion?
Thank you for your comment. I believe that you did the correct thing.
2 things
#1 In most situations I don't believe that an 8 year old is thinking through "getting more attention" She is just reacting to a situation and being "awkward". One of the definitions is "lacking social grace and assurance"
#2 In the bold type of the comment lies a great technique. "when we got home" It is a GOOD thing to bring back up situations like this and take them from a "happening" to a learning time.
Use everything, parents. USE things you see, hear or deal with personally by bringing them back into discussion. If parents would do this instead of overreacting, berating and or overlooking and dismissing...children would learn alot faster.
5-6 year olds and up will benefit from these learning times and you will as well knowing that you have addressed certain issues. It is not wasted on younger children as well but you will have to remind more often. ie the next time you are going out address it before hand reminding the child what their response needs to be.
You can even play act it out. All these techniques help.
My 8 year old is NOT a shy child at all! However, when we went by my office to drop some paperwork off and people were saying hi to her, she grabbed my jacket and hid behind me and was "acting" shy. I addressed it quietly then and told her to say hi back, and she quickly started to smile and laugh and interact appropriately. When we got home, I brought it up again and addressed it further and told her that her actions were rude and that it would be much more polite to say "hello" back or simply smile and wave her hand.
In my case, it was what seemed to me to be attention seeking behavior...she thought she would get more attention if she were to act shy...but in her attempt to gain more attention she was being rude.
...is this an appropriate conclusion?
Thank you for your comment. I believe that you did the correct thing.
2 things
#1 In most situations I don't believe that an 8 year old is thinking through "getting more attention" She is just reacting to a situation and being "awkward". One of the definitions is "lacking social grace and assurance"
#2 In the bold type of the comment lies a great technique. "when we got home" It is a GOOD thing to bring back up situations like this and take them from a "happening" to a learning time.
Use everything, parents. USE things you see, hear or deal with personally by bringing them back into discussion. If parents would do this instead of overreacting, berating and or overlooking and dismissing...children would learn alot faster.
5-6 year olds and up will benefit from these learning times and you will as well knowing that you have addressed certain issues. It is not wasted on younger children as well but you will have to remind more often. ie the next time you are going out address it before hand reminding the child what their response needs to be.
You can even play act it out. All these techniques help.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Teach the Lesson Well
A reader writes:
"My daughter is 8 now and when she is with me she (most of the time) is very compliant and sweet. However, when she is with her friends she starts to almost act like she is a mini-teenie-bopper. The way she talks changes, her mannerisms, and she doesn't seem herself. She doesn't act bad or do anything wrong in particular but I see an attitude that I'm not sure I really like.....do you have any suggestions about what to do about this?"
You are ABSOLUTELY right ~ that it is not what you want to see. She is growing up and there are new lessons every day. You are doing a good job.
Your daughter needs to know her boundaries clearly. Do not back down and if she cannot "pass the test" with friends then she is not old enough to spend time with them. Explain it well
One day my grade school daughter asked to go to the library with friends. Now I knew these girls and they attended her school but I knew they did not have the same focus that our family did, (they dressed and acted well past their age). I ended up saying yes and that I would pick her up at a certain time.
When I arrived the girls were not studying but were sitting in another part of the building and as I walked up to them I noticed that my daughter's face was totally "made up" . I addressed her friends and we said good bye and headed for the car. On our way home after a bit of chat I said, " well, you failed the test." "What test?" my daughter responded.
I then explained to her the reason I let her go to the library was not for a makeup lesson but to study ~ I made it clear that she would not be allowed to do this activity again until I felt that she could hold her own and stick to the parameters that were set.
During these years we are constantly testing our children's actions As we loosen tight boundaries and allow them to be "pushed out" a little, we watch and listen to see if our child is mature enough for the added responsibility...the test. If not we set the boundary back in place. We should not be moved by our child's peers Didn't you ever hear your mom say "Well, I'm not Johnny's mom!"
6 years later this lesson will still come up in conversation (in a good way) I want children that will be their own person and not swayed by all the personalities that they will meet along the way. Whether it is riding the bike around the block for the first time , using the phone or taking the car...Make the boundaries known and then stick with them. It is a wonderful thing to see your child mature and "get it" During these years it is your job to protect and teach. Teach the lesson well....You don't have to apologize for well thought out boundaries.
Stick with it
Blessings!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Psalm 38
1 LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.
David did not want to be disciplined in anger and wrath. I would dare say that no one reading this would want that as well.
Your child would say it also if they knew how to.
I pray that you do not have a problem in this area.
But there are times, days, seasons that are hard. We are short tempered, stressed and with this added knowledge of our weaknesses we all the more tend to lose it.
Friend, give yourself a time out. Back off and get away from the children. Call someone, get help. Its ok to reach out. It is better than the alternative. Children CAN drive you nuts!
But we must remember they are children. They are needing training and discipline. They too can become scarred and wounded.
Call me if you need to talk or get help on some new strategies.
Blessings!
or discipline me in your wrath.
David did not want to be disciplined in anger and wrath. I would dare say that no one reading this would want that as well.
Your child would say it also if they knew how to.
I pray that you do not have a problem in this area.
But there are times, days, seasons that are hard. We are short tempered, stressed and with this added knowledge of our weaknesses we all the more tend to lose it.
Friend, give yourself a time out. Back off and get away from the children. Call someone, get help. Its ok to reach out. It is better than the alternative. Children CAN drive you nuts!
But we must remember they are children. They are needing training and discipline. They too can become scarred and wounded.
Call me if you need to talk or get help on some new strategies.
Blessings!
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Talking About Lying
...You know those little white ones or the ones we grin at as our toddler holds the lipstick behind her back, all the while her face is covered, and innocently says " mommy, I haven't been in your makeup!"
What to do about lying?
First of all I want to say that I don't think you should ever laugh or smile about lying. Too many times we reiterate bad behavior as we tell our mate or friend what little Johnny just did. Our children hear us and too often think that it was no big deal cause mom is laughing about it now.
When your child first begins to lie, you need to as best as you can, talk to them about why it is not the right thing to do. I suggest you get a child's book about the subject.
Lying has to be dealt with.
http://www.whattoexpect.com/toddler/behavior/lying.aspx is a good write up about lying.
"Above all, recognize that the purpose and desire of every parent is to encourage honesty. That is a characteristic, not just a behavior. When all is said and done, we want our children to love the truth, not to fear it; and to hate lies, not merely the punishment that lying brings" T. Quek.
What to do about lying?
First of all I want to say that I don't think you should ever laugh or smile about lying. Too many times we reiterate bad behavior as we tell our mate or friend what little Johnny just did. Our children hear us and too often think that it was no big deal cause mom is laughing about it now.
When your child first begins to lie, you need to as best as you can, talk to them about why it is not the right thing to do. I suggest you get a child's book about the subject.
Lying has to be dealt with.
http://www.whattoexpect.com/toddler/behavior/lying.aspx is a good write up about lying.
"Above all, recognize that the purpose and desire of every parent is to encourage honesty. That is a characteristic, not just a behavior. When all is said and done, we want our children to love the truth, not to fear it; and to hate lies, not merely the punishment that lying brings" T. Quek.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Night Time Woes
A young mom writes: "My 3yr old twins are not sleeping in their beds and it's gone from bad to worse with them coming in at all hours and it's just nuts. Does anyone have any incentives (or threats lol) that have worked to keep kids in their beds? I've tried the Santa angle most recently and it's not working. Neither is anything else I've tried. Thoughts?"
I truly wish there was an "easy" answer. Not that it is hard, it is just really an issue of getting the parent(s) to do what needs to be done.
Draw a new line in the sand, the old one has gotten blurry.
Decide what you will and will not accept. Can they come in at all? Saturday morning? Think this through. I don't say this to make you feel guilty. You just need to decide what you are expecting and STICK WITH IT
I, personally, wanted my children to sleep in their own beds. No exceptions. IF I invited them in one night because my husband was out of town, etc, I would make it VERY CLEAR that this was a treat.
BUT
lets get them sleeping in their own beds first
.
First thing in the morning, on a stay-at-home day, sit down with the girls and tell them the new rule. Discuss it with them. Make a chart. Give an incentive. 1 night, a game with mom before bed, 2 nights, a __________ 3 nights___________ a full week a trip to the icecream store etc (Make these rewards small, you don't want to have to be offering Disney World after a week of success!)
Explain that it is not a punishment but will be punishable. Not only will they miss out on a treat but there will be a consequence of ie missing a favorite show, going to bed earlier, whatever
Speak of it ALL DAY LONG. Have them tell you about it. Make sure they are understanding. Make a chart together.
When you tuck them in bed, do so after they have brushed their teeth, washed up and had a little time with you. Reiterate over and over that they are to stay in bed.
Say goodnight, pray and leave the room. I liked to softly play a CD for them to go to sleep with. Expain that if they wake up, they need to just turn over and go back to sleep. If they need to use the bathroom let them know they need to crawl right back in bed after.
Mom and Dad, make up your mind, NO MATTER HOW TIRED YOU ARE, that you are going to see this through.
I hope that this is clear for you. This is a very doable situation.
If you would like to email me your phone # I am more than happy to discuss this with you to help you work it out. It really will not be that long before they are both sleeping soundly and so are you
BTW do they still take naps?
Blessings!
Also make sure their bed is an inviting place to sleep. A bed made with clean sheets, blanket, good pillow, case and favorite teddy are important.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Starting Young
A great quote came to my mind today.
Years ago a couple of my boys went down the road to the "old man's" house to see if he had any "jobs" for them to do.
He told them this saying;
" A boy's a boy. Two boys is half a boy and three boys is no boy at all"
Isn't that a good one! I think that we would all agree that there is some real truth in this saying.
Soooo how about training your children NOW, while they are young. At around 3-4 begin to ask your child to do specific chores. One by one....with very specific boundaries.
"Cary, I would like you to pick up all the clothes in the bathroom and put them in this basket."
"Judy. Please put all the books away."
Now the biggest issue is making sure you are giving a job that CAN be done. One that is not too difficult or vague. What you are trying to do is train the child to do the job TOTALLY.
You must go and check the work. Make sure that they have done it well. Stay with them until they complete it the way it should be done. Later train them with something else. (daily is good)
Parents, this IS training!
You are teaching them work ethics. THIS IS GOOD. It needs to be done. Don't get upset if it is not done correctly. Show and explain to them how to do it. Watch for laziness and the child getting sidetracked. Bring them back to the task. Follow them through to the end.
If you meet irritation, rebellion or laziness, bring correction. Again don't get angry just mean what you say.
Johnny "I don't want to do it"
Mom "It is a job I want you to do now"
etc etc
"Johnny, you will sit on your bed until you are willing to do the job"
FOLLOW thru.
Mom and Dad THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!
Please begin young. If you have not JUST BEGIN. Explain that you have overlooked training and that you are going to begin now. It will not kill them....The upset will not last forever. You must win.
This is YOUR job, not the teachers, neighbors or employers. Teach them work ethics young and by your example.
Blessings!
Years ago a couple of my boys went down the road to the "old man's" house to see if he had any "jobs" for them to do.
He told them this saying;
" A boy's a boy. Two boys is half a boy and three boys is no boy at all"
Isn't that a good one! I think that we would all agree that there is some real truth in this saying.
Soooo how about training your children NOW, while they are young. At around 3-4 begin to ask your child to do specific chores. One by one....with very specific boundaries.
"Cary, I would like you to pick up all the clothes in the bathroom and put them in this basket."
"Judy. Please put all the books away."
Now the biggest issue is making sure you are giving a job that CAN be done. One that is not too difficult or vague. What you are trying to do is train the child to do the job TOTALLY.
You must go and check the work. Make sure that they have done it well. Stay with them until they complete it the way it should be done. Later train them with something else. (daily is good)
Parents, this IS training!
You are teaching them work ethics. THIS IS GOOD. It needs to be done. Don't get upset if it is not done correctly. Show and explain to them how to do it. Watch for laziness and the child getting sidetracked. Bring them back to the task. Follow them through to the end.
If you meet irritation, rebellion or laziness, bring correction. Again don't get angry just mean what you say.
Johnny "I don't want to do it"
Mom "It is a job I want you to do now"
etc etc
"Johnny, you will sit on your bed until you are willing to do the job"
FOLLOW thru.
Mom and Dad THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!
Please begin young. If you have not JUST BEGIN. Explain that you have overlooked training and that you are going to begin now. It will not kill them....The upset will not last forever. You must win.
This is YOUR job, not the teachers, neighbors or employers. Teach them work ethics young and by your example.
Blessings!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
The Origins of Thanksgiving with Charlie Brown Part 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yeAtelXK9P4&feature=related
I hope you will have time to watch this second half. I also pray you will teach your children about "fasting"
It is good to "go without", whether you are a Christian or not, as it helps refocus, bring clarity and bring centered thinking. Why do we always think that it is all about us? When you fast a meal or dessert, etc think about the masses around the world that have nothing.
BE THANKFUL!
Blessings!
I hope you will have time to watch this second half. I also pray you will teach your children about "fasting"
It is good to "go without", whether you are a Christian or not, as it helps refocus, bring clarity and bring centered thinking. Why do we always think that it is all about us? When you fast a meal or dessert, etc think about the masses around the world that have nothing.
BE THANKFUL!
Blessings!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Louder is Not Better!
Why is it? Instead of taking action we just talk louder. Sammy does not come when called and we start to escalate. Get up my friend and tend to business. If you will decide to "pull in the reins" (last weeks blog) you will immediately get up and mean what you say.
Our children are not stupid. That is why they are acting the way that they are! They know that they do not need to come when called, pick up the toys, go brush their teeth etc. They wait until they hear a certain tone of voice and THEN they move.
Well surprise them! Don't give them a second or third chance. When they find themselves on their bed, losing privileges , going to bed early etc, believe me, they will respond quickly.
No need to lose your temper. No need to yell and scream. No need to threaten or throw a tantrum! Just say what you mean and
MEAN WHAT YOU SAY!!
You CAN do this!
Our children are not stupid. That is why they are acting the way that they are! They know that they do not need to come when called, pick up the toys, go brush their teeth etc. They wait until they hear a certain tone of voice and THEN they move.
Well surprise them! Don't give them a second or third chance. When they find themselves on their bed, losing privileges , going to bed early etc, believe me, they will respond quickly.
No need to lose your temper. No need to yell and scream. No need to threaten or throw a tantrum! Just say what you mean and
MEAN WHAT YOU SAY!!
You CAN do this!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
The Beginning of Discipline
I was with a young mom a while back who had a baby around 6 months old. She told how she had to discipline her little one because he kept crawling over and chewing on the wires near some electronics.
Parents, babies at this age do not need this kind of discipline. Our job is to keep our babies safe and we need to know exactly where they are and what they are doing at all times. (Where have all the playpens gone???)
At this early age the child does not get the concept of right or wrong. He is learning, exploring, tasting and grabbing anything within reach. This is totally normal.
I will say that at this age and a little older you may experience them begin to struggle when you are trying to diaper them. They wiggle and turn and make it almost impossible to do the job. An "attention getting" tap on the bum and a firm 'No" is usually all that it takes and they are able to learn about not fighting you. This is also a time when you might begin to see/hear the beginning of a temper flair up when they are not getting the attention that they want.
When you have done your job and the child is warm, fed, clean etc etc allow them to "voice their opinion" now and then....These lung workouts never hurt them and many times it is what they need to unwind and fall asleep. All within reason my friend. This is certainly not a license to never have to hold your baby or a reason to shake them out of anger. If you feel you are "losing" it get some help and some sleep. Your patience and actions will be much better when you have taken care of yourself.
This too will pass dear friend and he/she will be wanting to use the car before you know it!
Blessings!
Parents, babies at this age do not need this kind of discipline. Our job is to keep our babies safe and we need to know exactly where they are and what they are doing at all times. (Where have all the playpens gone???)
At this early age the child does not get the concept of right or wrong. He is learning, exploring, tasting and grabbing anything within reach. This is totally normal.
I will say that at this age and a little older you may experience them begin to struggle when you are trying to diaper them. They wiggle and turn and make it almost impossible to do the job. An "attention getting" tap on the bum and a firm 'No" is usually all that it takes and they are able to learn about not fighting you. This is also a time when you might begin to see/hear the beginning of a temper flair up when they are not getting the attention that they want.
When you have done your job and the child is warm, fed, clean etc etc allow them to "voice their opinion" now and then....These lung workouts never hurt them and many times it is what they need to unwind and fall asleep. All within reason my friend. This is certainly not a license to never have to hold your baby or a reason to shake them out of anger. If you feel you are "losing" it get some help and some sleep. Your patience and actions will be much better when you have taken care of yourself.
This too will pass dear friend and he/she will be wanting to use the car before you know it!
Blessings!
Monday, October 24, 2011
Schedules
I've probably written about this before but I believe it demands repeating.
Children LOVE schedules. They love repetition, regime and tradition. You will hear them as they get a little older. "We ALWAYS do_____________ ."
You do yourself a favor in those first years especially when you get the family on a schedule.
Up at a.m.
breakfast (have the children sit at the table and do not let them get down until breakfast is done..this should be the regime of all meals)
Daily Habits (bathroom stuff)
rooms make beds and pick up
Take laundry to the laundry room (throw in a load)
Think about what you will have for dinner and take it out of the freezer etc.
Clean up the kitchen
spend some one on one time with the children
lunch
clean up and read a book
nap/ quiet time for ALL preschoolers
wake up, have a healthy snack (we ALWAYS had a fruit and a piece of candy)
play out side if possible
begin dinner while children are playing
set the table (children can help) train them early
ALL eat together (This is a good time to begin slowly asking the kids about their days. Even the youngest will appreciate being singled out to answer a question)
clear table, children helping sweep under, wipe trays etc
kitchen (get it out of the way)
ready the children for bed....
A preschooler should be in bed by 7-7:30 They need their sleep
Take time to clean them up teeth, bath or wash up, Read a book or two and tuck them in bed after bathroom etc
This is a great chore for Dad to do at the end of the day while you are cleaning up after dinner. It gives him quality time and a chance to pray with them before bed.
Don't fly by the seat of your pants any longer.....schedule...things will go much smoother and easier
Blessings!
Children LOVE schedules. They love repetition, regime and tradition. You will hear them as they get a little older. "We ALWAYS do_____________ ."
You do yourself a favor in those first years especially when you get the family on a schedule.
Up at a.m.
breakfast (have the children sit at the table and do not let them get down until breakfast is done..this should be the regime of all meals)
Daily Habits (bathroom stuff)
rooms make beds and pick up
Take laundry to the laundry room (throw in a load)
Think about what you will have for dinner and take it out of the freezer etc.
Clean up the kitchen
spend some one on one time with the children
lunch
clean up and read a book
nap/ quiet time for ALL preschoolers
wake up, have a healthy snack (we ALWAYS had a fruit and a piece of candy)
play out side if possible
begin dinner while children are playing
set the table (children can help) train them early
ALL eat together (This is a good time to begin slowly asking the kids about their days. Even the youngest will appreciate being singled out to answer a question)
clear table, children helping sweep under, wipe trays etc
kitchen (get it out of the way)
ready the children for bed....
A preschooler should be in bed by 7-7:30 They need their sleep
Take time to clean them up teeth, bath or wash up, Read a book or two and tuck them in bed after bathroom etc
This is a great chore for Dad to do at the end of the day while you are cleaning up after dinner. It gives him quality time and a chance to pray with them before bed.
Don't fly by the seat of your pants any longer.....schedule...things will go much smoother and easier
Blessings!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Bullies
What would you do if your son went down the street to go see if kids could play- and those kids were beating on your kid (leaving marks on his face) and swearing at him calling him an f'in A. And you found out that in self defense, your kid tackled the kid and used a swear word back (but didn't use it successfully or have it make any kind of sense) but he came home all beat up.... what would you do
I read this on a facebook page of a friend.
How sad, but we must remember bullies have been around since the beginning of time.
Bullying is a form of aggressive behavior, which may manifest as abusive treatment, the use of force or coercion to affect others,[2] particularly when habitual and involving an imbalance of power. It may involve verbal harassment, physical assault or coercion and may be directed persistently towards particular victims, perhaps on grounds of race, religion, gender, sexuality, or ability.[3][4]The "imbalance of power" may be social power and/or physical power. The victim of bullying is sometimes referred to as a "target."A person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people
I read this on a facebook page of a friend.
How sad, but we must remember bullies have been around since the beginning of time.
Bullying is a form of aggressive behavior, which may manifest as abusive treatment, the use of force or coercion to affect others,[2] particularly when habitual and involving an imbalance of power. It may involve verbal harassment, physical assault or coercion and may be directed persistently towards particular victims, perhaps on grounds of race, religion, gender, sexuality, or ability.[3][4]The "imbalance of power" may be social power and/or physical power. The victim of bullying is sometimes referred to as a "target."A person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people
Bullying consists of three basic types of abuse – emotional, verbal, and physical. It typically involves subtle methods of coercion such as intimidation.
When this happened in my yard I would simply go out and deal with it.. I spoke to both of the children and rarely did I have to call a parent. This situation above is different. The children are out of the yard with no adult witnesses. In this case I would have my husband go to the parents of the offender(s). He should go in peace with the intention to just let the parents know what has gone on. After that the real work begins as you take the TIME to talk it all through with your child. We do not want to have children who walk the hallways or streets afraid.
When this happened in my yard I would simply go out and deal with it.. I spoke to both of the children and rarely did I have to call a parent. This situation above is different. The children are out of the yard with no adult witnesses. In this case I would have my husband go to the parents of the offender(s). He should go in peace with the intention to just let the parents know what has gone on. After that the real work begins as you take the TIME to talk it all through with your child. We do not want to have children who walk the hallways or streets afraid.
NOW lets say that it is your child that is the bully.......DEAL WITH IT! Nip it in the bud! Strike hard and fast! Let you child know that under NO circumstance are they going to be allowed to pick on someone for ANY reason. If need be bring in counsel. ....Have your child apologize to the child and the parent and also have a punishment leveled at home as well. Check in with the school to make sure that your child is behaving. Talk to the guidance counselor.
This type of situation must not be ignored or overlooked.. Parents please do not turn your head the other way concerning either situation.
Let's teach our kids how to be kind and stick up for the underdog.
This summer I got the American Girl's Movie "Charissa takes Courage." It is excellent !! I would recommend it to all young families using it as a spring board for a great discussion
Blessings!
This type of situation must not be ignored or overlooked.. Parents please do not turn your head the other way concerning either situation.
Let's teach our kids how to be kind and stick up for the underdog.
This summer I got the American Girl's Movie "Charissa takes Courage." It is excellent !! I would recommend it to all young families using it as a spring board for a great discussion
Blessings!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
The Family Bed
A reader writes: I would like to know your thoughts on the
"family bed" pros, cons, issues, cut off time etc.
I will admit that I have not done research on this but am more than
When the toddler is able to crawl out of the crib it is probably time to set up a “big boy/girl bed” These beds need to be introduced with excitement and lots of conversation. “Johnny, tonite you are going to sleep in your new bed. I got you this new teddy to keep you company while you sleep and also see the night light? That will come on when it gets dark. We will see you in the morning and I will come in and kiss you on my way to bed.”
I believe that babies should have their cribs and children their beds. You should make your child’s bed a warm and comfortable place. A top and bottom sheet should be on the bed along with a blanket or two depending on the weather. (If your child is a bed wetter be sure that he/she is sleeping on a rubber backed sheet so that you are not having to strip a bed in the middle of the night.)
A good pillow with a clean pillowcase should top it off. The pillowcase should be changed at least weekly and the sheets every two weeks if the child bathes on a regular basis.
I realize I have drifted off the main subject but I guess in my mind sleeping with my children on a regular basis was simply not an option. If it has become the norm in your home and you don’t like it anymore you are simply going to have to set a new rule, draw a new boundary and make yourself clear to your child. “Katie, I know that you have been sleeping with me for quite a while now but we have decided it is time for you to be back in your own bed now.” Mean what you say and say what you mean.
Even today my bed is important to me. It makes the difference in how I rest.
"family bed" pros, cons, issues, cut off time etc.
I will admit that I have not done research on this but am more than
willing to share my thoughts.
My personal definition of the "family bed" is: a safe, warm place where you can go to snuggle, be read to, watch a show with mom and dad and/or talk. It is a Saturday morning type of place.
Even though I breast fed all my children and there were admittedly times that I fell asleep with the baby between us in bed, I do not believe that it should be the norm. Not only are babies unable to free themselves from tight and confined places, I know I never slept well as I was so aware of the little ones protection. It is also important to realize not everyone might be this conscious in their sleep. When the toddler is able to crawl out of the crib it is probably time to set up a “big boy/girl bed” These beds need to be introduced with excitement and lots of conversation. “Johnny, tonite you are going to sleep in your new bed. I got you this new teddy to keep you company while you sleep and also see the night light? That will come on when it gets dark. We will see you in the morning and I will come in and kiss you on my way to bed.”
I believe that babies should have their cribs and children their beds. You should make your child’s bed a warm and comfortable place. A top and bottom sheet should be on the bed along with a blanket or two depending on the weather. (If your child is a bed wetter be sure that he/she is sleeping on a rubber backed sheet so that you are not having to strip a bed in the middle of the night.)
A good pillow with a clean pillowcase should top it off. The pillowcase should be changed at least weekly and the sheets every two weeks if the child bathes on a regular basis.
I realize I have drifted off the main subject but I guess in my mind sleeping with my children on a regular basis was simply not an option. If it has become the norm in your home and you don’t like it anymore you are simply going to have to set a new rule, draw a new boundary and make yourself clear to your child. “Katie, I know that you have been sleeping with me for quite a while now but we have decided it is time for you to be back in your own bed now.” Mean what you say and say what you mean.
Even today my bed is important to me. It makes the difference in how I rest.
Again, I welcome questions and am more than willing to hold a personal dialog with you concerning this or any other question.
Sleep well friend!
Monday, October 10, 2011
Practice Makes Perfect
Years ago I attended a Family Homeschool Camp for a week. IT WAS WONDERFUL!
One day as some of the moms sat out under the trees talking, a young mom spoke to me about how her little one just ignored her when she called and how frustrating it was. Her little girl, around 3 was playing with children within viewing distance.
I told her that she was being given a perfect opportunity to work on the behavior. I suggested that she call her daughter right then. "Brittany, come here please" Brittany looked up but continued to play. She called again. No one came. I then encouraged her to go and get her. She did and brought her back to where we were sitting and spoke at length to her about coming when called. She had her little one sit with her for 5 minutes or so, again reminded her to come when called and let her go. About 20 minutes later we went thru the whole process again. After an afternoon of practice Brittany's behavior changed. She came when called.
Now...... this is wonderful but you MUST be consistent or you will lose any progress immediately. It will truly be worth it in the long run. Just mean what you say.
During our week of summer Cousin Camp, one of the rules is "to come when you are called" I follow this very strictly. While having a bunch of little ones in my care, I feel it mandatory that they come when called ~ the FIRST TIME~. It is the only rule that can break our Primary Rule of *Ice cream everyday*
Yes a couple of campers have gone without ice cream for a day but I assure you it only happened once~
Parents~ MEAN WHAT YOU SAY! Sat what you mean!
Blessings!
One day as some of the moms sat out under the trees talking, a young mom spoke to me about how her little one just ignored her when she called and how frustrating it was. Her little girl, around 3 was playing with children within viewing distance.
I told her that she was being given a perfect opportunity to work on the behavior. I suggested that she call her daughter right then. "Brittany, come here please" Brittany looked up but continued to play. She called again. No one came. I then encouraged her to go and get her. She did and brought her back to where we were sitting and spoke at length to her about coming when called. She had her little one sit with her for 5 minutes or so, again reminded her to come when called and let her go. About 20 minutes later we went thru the whole process again. After an afternoon of practice Brittany's behavior changed. She came when called.
Now...... this is wonderful but you MUST be consistent or you will lose any progress immediately. It will truly be worth it in the long run. Just mean what you say.
During our week of summer Cousin Camp, one of the rules is "to come when you are called" I follow this very strictly. While having a bunch of little ones in my care, I feel it mandatory that they come when called ~ the FIRST TIME~. It is the only rule that can break our Primary Rule of *Ice cream everyday*
Yes a couple of campers have gone without ice cream for a day but I assure you it only happened once~
Parents~ MEAN WHAT YOU SAY! Sat what you mean!
Blessings!
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Language and Speech
I feel prompted to write this because of all the babies I see trying to learn to talk around a pacifier*.
It does not work.
I took elocution lessons growing up and I can see many areas where it has helped me. Not only being able to speak in front of people but also the ability to get a message across with clarity and understanding.
Pronunciation and wordage is important in this society even though it is being used less and less correctly. When children are around 15 months they should, on the average, have at least 15 words that they are using properly. I've seen children who have a whole vocabulary at this age and others who are still making more noise than anything else.
As parents we need to be aware of this. Our ears often become accustomed to our child's language as we understand them and thus do not correct them on their words. Start today to listen afresh as to how your little one is talking. Is he/she speaking clearly? If not take them on your lap and have them look at your mouth as you speak the words and then have them repeat. Pick one or two words a day to work on by asking them thru-out their play time how to say certain things.
A tape recorder is good for this as well where you can make a tape of words that they can repeat after you. This is also a great time to begin to use flash cards teaching colors, shapes etc. Introduce a new card or two after they have the first 4-5 memorized.
This really is important. The earlier that you catch and work on these language skills the better. The older the child the harder to break the habits of incorrect speech.
I also believe it is best not to teach a toddler any other language until he has a good grasp of the English language* It is just too confusing for little minds to decipher between all the words and meanings at such a young age.
*Personally I feel the pacifier should be gone at 2 and between the ages of 1 and 2 should be kept in the crib for nap times alone. It is like anything else. You just need to put your mind to it, spend the couple of uncomfortable days and rid the house of them. Perhaps you could replace it with a small new stuffed animal or something to lessen the "sting" of the ajustment.
* If the family is bilingual the child should just do fine as he hears both languages being spoken interchangeably.
Blessings!
It does not work.
I took elocution lessons growing up and I can see many areas where it has helped me. Not only being able to speak in front of people but also the ability to get a message across with clarity and understanding.
Pronunciation and wordage is important in this society even though it is being used less and less correctly. When children are around 15 months they should, on the average, have at least 15 words that they are using properly. I've seen children who have a whole vocabulary at this age and others who are still making more noise than anything else.
As parents we need to be aware of this. Our ears often become accustomed to our child's language as we understand them and thus do not correct them on their words. Start today to listen afresh as to how your little one is talking. Is he/she speaking clearly? If not take them on your lap and have them look at your mouth as you speak the words and then have them repeat. Pick one or two words a day to work on by asking them thru-out their play time how to say certain things.
A tape recorder is good for this as well where you can make a tape of words that they can repeat after you. This is also a great time to begin to use flash cards teaching colors, shapes etc. Introduce a new card or two after they have the first 4-5 memorized.
This really is important. The earlier that you catch and work on these language skills the better. The older the child the harder to break the habits of incorrect speech.
I also believe it is best not to teach a toddler any other language until he has a good grasp of the English language* It is just too confusing for little minds to decipher between all the words and meanings at such a young age.
*Personally I feel the pacifier should be gone at 2 and between the ages of 1 and 2 should be kept in the crib for nap times alone. It is like anything else. You just need to put your mind to it, spend the couple of uncomfortable days and rid the house of them. Perhaps you could replace it with a small new stuffed animal or something to lessen the "sting" of the ajustment.
* If the family is bilingual the child should just do fine as he hears both languages being spoken interchangeably.
Blessings!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
I'm SORRY!
Friends, I have written the same blog for my "Musings with Marnie"
and this Parenting/Family Blog. (Please forgive me :) if you have
received this twice.) I feel that it is important.
and this Parenting/Family Blog. (Please forgive me :) if you have
received this twice.) I feel that it is important.
Parents please work with your family/children on this most important
tool....It WILL make a difference in their life for years to come. It
may take time in the beginning to work that stubbornness out but
with patience and practice it will come easier. Don't overlook it.
tool....It WILL make a difference in their life for years to come. It
may take time in the beginning to work that stubbornness out but
with patience and practice it will come easier. Don't overlook it.
I appreciate you all!
Remember dealing with your child when they needed to say that
they were sorry? They have pinched someone, taken a toy, tattled
etc and you have stepped in and said "Now say you're sorry to
your brother" It's amazing how hard that word is to say. Many a
child has had to be punished simply because they would not
follow through with this word, the gaze goes down, the feet
shuffle and stubbornness comes to the surface.
child has had to be punished simply because they would not
follow through with this word, the gaze goes down, the feet
shuffle and stubbornness comes to the surface.
So interesting.
And then after threat upon threat they FINALLY say
"I'm SORRY !" You can hear it can't you? A two word
sentence filled with rebellion. It's that "I may be sitting
down but I'm standing up on the inside~ type thing."
Sooooo how you doing with this word in your life now?
Now that you are grown are you able to say it easier? Have
you ever actually let yourself feel sorry? Has your heart ever
hurt because you have caused someone pain or discomfort?
Are you able to own it?
Get in front of a mirror and say it....."I'm sorry" Practice it
until it flows easier. Perhaps you need to actually say you're
sorry to yourself for things that you have allowed into your
life and choices that have landed you where you are. Start
there first....Forgive yourself don't be caught off guard if
you cry, its totally alright.
When dealing with children I have tried to teach that there
are three other words that are of equal importance as well
and that is "I forgive you" I feel these words need to be said
to "tie up the deal" If the other person does not say anything
you might prompt them by saying "Can you forgive me?"
Be prepared...if they hesitate or say no perhaps the
wound is deeper than you realized. DON'T become irritated
and or frustrated . You have taken time to get to the place to
say it , let them have some time as well. God will give you
the grace to be gracious. Simply say it again and tell them you
will be praying that they can find it in their heart to forgive you.
Friends there is SUCH HEALING in these words. Healing if
the words are said with feeling and remorse and salt if they
are not.
I think that we should look for places and situations where
we can say we are sorry. I think that it makes the ground
fertile between two people. Loosen up, if this blog has riled
you ...if you dare, look at the reason why.
Beloved you have been forgiven much, allow the Lord to
work this into you. It has the power to open closed doors
and build bridges where there are none.
Well done good and faithful servant!
Blessings!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
The OnLookers
What will they think???
Have you ever noticed how often we have a "crowd of witnesses" when we are disciplining our children!
It has been something that has been standing out to me lately.
The parent needs to discipline for something and when there are people around the scene. Often the situation becomes a comedy routine for the onlookers. The parent roll their eyes, say sarcastic things,(directed to the audience in ear shot) while always looking to see how they are being perceived.
The child feels like he/she is on center stage and many times can feel embarrassed, belittled and confused about what is happening.
THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO DO IT.
It is not difficult to remove the child from the onlookers, to step away into a more private setting where the child can have your undivided attention and you can have theirs.
"Johnny, Stop bugging that dog!" (parent looks around) smirks, makes a wise comment
"that dog is just going to chew your hand off if you don't stop...You're going to be dog food boy" hey hey
Johnny either watches the "show" that you are putting on for the crowd... OR he ignores you because he does not feel you are talking directly to him.
SIMPLY take Johnnie by the hand and walk away, behind a car, tree or go to another room. There take a few minutes to tell your son of your concern and that you are asking him to stop. You may need to tell the consequences of not stopping depending on your child. This needs to be eye to eye with a "Do you understand?" at the end.
Ask him to repeat what you have said and go back to what you were doing.
I want to let you know it does not look funny (although you may get some of the crowd to laugh) or mature when you put an act on for others. Most can see through what's going on: that you don't have a real grip on disciplining your child.
Discipline your child in the most private setting that you can find at the moment. I have taken children to the car and even into a corner of the room. Make sure that you get on their level and that they fully understand what you are asking. Get up close and personal and stay private! Keep you voice low.
This will tweak the whole process and you will see your child take you more seriously when the time comes.
It's all part of the job!!
Blessings
Have you ever noticed how often we have a "crowd of witnesses" when we are disciplining our children!
It has been something that has been standing out to me lately.
The parent needs to discipline for something and when there are people around the scene. Often the situation becomes a comedy routine for the onlookers. The parent roll their eyes, say sarcastic things,(directed to the audience in ear shot) while always looking to see how they are being perceived.
The child feels like he/she is on center stage and many times can feel embarrassed, belittled and confused about what is happening.
THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO DO IT.
It is not difficult to remove the child from the onlookers, to step away into a more private setting where the child can have your undivided attention and you can have theirs.
"Johnny, Stop bugging that dog!" (parent looks around) smirks, makes a wise comment
"that dog is just going to chew your hand off if you don't stop...You're going to be dog food boy" hey hey
Johnny either watches the "show" that you are putting on for the crowd... OR he ignores you because he does not feel you are talking directly to him.
SIMPLY take Johnnie by the hand and walk away, behind a car, tree or go to another room. There take a few minutes to tell your son of your concern and that you are asking him to stop. You may need to tell the consequences of not stopping depending on your child. This needs to be eye to eye with a "Do you understand?" at the end.
Ask him to repeat what you have said and go back to what you were doing.
I want to let you know it does not look funny (although you may get some of the crowd to laugh) or mature when you put an act on for others. Most can see through what's going on: that you don't have a real grip on disciplining your child.
Discipline your child in the most private setting that you can find at the moment. I have taken children to the car and even into a corner of the room. Make sure that you get on their level and that they fully understand what you are asking. Get up close and personal and stay private! Keep you voice low.
This will tweak the whole process and you will see your child take you more seriously when the time comes.
It's all part of the job!!
Blessings
Monday, September 12, 2011
When Daddys little helper becomes Mom's extra hands
I saw the wee babe today with the bib that says Daddys Little Helper. How cute and hopeful for the days ahead.
But as we all know life does not always turn out as planned.
Sometimes Daddy's Little Helper is left behind with mom.
I was chatting with a woman the other day who was talking about just this situation.
Her husband had left and she remained at home caring for their three sons. She was telling about how overwhelmed she was with the whole "spring" thing. How the yard, the gardens, the repairs etc. had put her under a cloud of discouragement.
I asked her about the boys and if she had them help and she told me how they too would just get discouraged and run the other way. "That was Dad's job", "We don't know how to do that" "It's unfair that we should have to do adult work" etc etc etc
Well, you know what "that WAS Dad's job" but "Oh Well" it still needs to be done. Mom as well probably has never done some of this stuff before. She very well may not know where or how to begin. But again too bad someone has got to do it.
So lay your guilt aside...Take a deep breath, and round up the troops. "Jim get the rake, John you will load the leaves on the tarp and Jared you haul it all to the woods. We are going to tackle this portion together and get it done. Period. Put down the joysticks and clicker. It's time to go to work, pull together, make a dent,accomplish something.
This is training ground. It is a good thing. Many hands really do make light work.! No one has died from getting their hands dirty or trying something new! Happy Trails!
Blessings,
Marnie
But as we all know life does not always turn out as planned.
Sometimes Daddy's Little Helper is left behind with mom.
I was chatting with a woman the other day who was talking about just this situation.
Her husband had left and she remained at home caring for their three sons. She was telling about how overwhelmed she was with the whole "spring" thing. How the yard, the gardens, the repairs etc. had put her under a cloud of discouragement.
I asked her about the boys and if she had them help and she told me how they too would just get discouraged and run the other way. "That was Dad's job", "We don't know how to do that" "It's unfair that we should have to do adult work" etc etc etc
Well, you know what "that WAS Dad's job" but "Oh Well" it still needs to be done. Mom as well probably has never done some of this stuff before. She very well may not know where or how to begin. But again too bad someone has got to do it.
So lay your guilt aside...Take a deep breath, and round up the troops. "Jim get the rake, John you will load the leaves on the tarp and Jared you haul it all to the woods. We are going to tackle this portion together and get it done. Period. Put down the joysticks and clicker. It's time to go to work, pull together, make a dent,accomplish something.
This is training ground. It is a good thing. Many hands really do make light work.! No one has died from getting their hands dirty or trying something new! Happy Trails!
Blessings,
Marnie
Sunday, September 11, 2011
The Cat and the Bed....(don't play games)
I recently returned home from a trip south to see three of my children. As I was "taking back the territory" cleaning, vacuuming and dusting, I came across our cat, Perez**, dozing in the papasan chair in the family room.
NOW..this is a NO-no and he KNOWS it!
As I entered the room I did not even have to open my mouth when I could see his body stiffen, his ears go flat and he went into flight mode. WHY because he KNEW that he was doing something that he was not supppose to!
A little while later, on a different floor of the house, I came upon him again. This time he was sleeping peacefully on Kendall's bed. Now he has slept with Kendall for years. I thought for a moment as I went in and out of the room "wow I could really get to him if I scolded him right now" sick thought I know but it got me to thinking.....
We do this sometimes, perhaps not so intentionally, with our children. Now I know I could list our YahButs...but in the long run it is still not right. Mean and cruel may be a little harsh but maybe not. Our kids are allowed to do something one time and then we totally flip out when it happens in another scenerio.
Go back to the kitty and think about the animals pysical reactions if I went in there ranting and raving holding a broom over my head. I know it would take a few years off his life! How about you, put yourself in that position, you are minding your own business when WHAM someone crawls all over you for something you have been doing forever that has never been mentioned!!
Back to the kids. AGAIN I repeat and repeat.
Pick your battles.
Mean what you say.
Be consistent.
Don't go back and forth....yes one minute, no the next.
When your children look at you they should be assured of the boundaries that you have set for them...they should not be walking on egg shells and, by the way, neither should you be(but that is a different blog!). They need a clear line on what is OK and what is not. It needs to start young and follow them out the door.
Happy trails to you!
Blessings,
Marnie
NOW..this is a NO-no and he KNOWS it!
As I entered the room I did not even have to open my mouth when I could see his body stiffen, his ears go flat and he went into flight mode. WHY because he KNEW that he was doing something that he was not supppose to!
A little while later, on a different floor of the house, I came upon him again. This time he was sleeping peacefully on Kendall's bed. Now he has slept with Kendall for years. I thought for a moment as I went in and out of the room "wow I could really get to him if I scolded him right now" sick thought I know but it got me to thinking.....
We do this sometimes, perhaps not so intentionally, with our children. Now I know I could list our YahButs...but in the long run it is still not right. Mean and cruel may be a little harsh but maybe not. Our kids are allowed to do something one time and then we totally flip out when it happens in another scenerio.
Go back to the kitty and think about the animals pysical reactions if I went in there ranting and raving holding a broom over my head. I know it would take a few years off his life! How about you, put yourself in that position, you are minding your own business when WHAM someone crawls all over you for something you have been doing forever that has never been mentioned!!
Back to the kids. AGAIN I repeat and repeat.
Pick your battles.
Mean what you say.
Be consistent.
Don't go back and forth....yes one minute, no the next.
When your children look at you they should be assured of the boundaries that you have set for them...they should not be walking on egg shells and, by the way, neither should you be(but that is a different blog!). They need a clear line on what is OK and what is not. It needs to start young and follow them out the door.
Happy trails to you!
Blessings,
Marnie
** Our Perez died last August 10' and we continue to miss him ..Great cat
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