Attitude

A young mother writes:
I have been struggling with an issue with my 9 year old.   It seems that whenever something doesn't go her way, whether I don't give her an answer she wants, if she hurts herself, or she drops something (anything inconvenient really..) she gets really frustrated and starts stomping her feet, or slamming things, and it's very obvious by her facial expressions and grunting noises that she is frustrated. I don't understand why she seems to have pent up anger and I have no idea how to teach her to control these emotions. Honestly when she gets like that (which is many times a day) I get frustrated at her. I don't know what to do and it's been going on for a few weeks. She doesn't seem to be having any problems with friends at school. Do you have any suggestions? I have no idea what to do and what I have done doesn't work. 


I have actually spoken about this method of discipline a number of times.  It works in many different types of situations.
This young lady needs to be sat down and spoken to.   Take her out for dinner, for a drive or just something out of the ordinary.  You want to "get her attention" when the problem is not happening.


Let me paint a scenario.
In the morning before school.  "Judy, when you get home today we are going to go out for an ice cream".  (taking the child off guard)
"why mom? "  
"Just cause I would like to treat you".


After school the time comes to go.  You sit down with your ice cream and chat a little about the day.
Eventually  you say, " I have to apologize for something.  ( again out of the ordinary and peaks the child's interest)
"I have been noticing over the last couple of weeks that you have been having a hard time controlling your anger.  You stomp, pout etc etc".  
Give a few present examples.
"Judy I want to apologize because I have let you get away with this behavior.  I hoped that it would go away but I can see it is only happening more.   I'm sorry that I have let it go on so long.  I stand before the Lord in my discipline of you and presently it has not been a pretty picture and I have been "allowing" it.


Will you forgive me?


I have never heard the child say no.


I just want you to know that this behavior is going to end.  I am not going to stand for it any longer.  You are much too old to be handling your frustration in this manner.  You are no longer a toddler.  You are growing up.  I don't think you act this way at school or anywhere other than at home...am I correct?


Then talk about some options on how to handle frustration etc.  
1.Go to your room.  
2.Take a little walk


Talk to her about how it looks when you get frustrated at work etc..what do you do?   Paint good examples...let her share as well and give her ideas.  
Pray with her 


Then talk about the consequences that are going to be put in place for not handling it correctly .  
1. Being sent to her room,  
2. Going to bed early,  
3. having another privilege taken away. etc.


The next part is the MOST IMPORTANT.

You MUST FOLLOW THRU ~  EVERYTIME!!!!

If you want to chat more about this email me!
Blessings!

I Hate to be the Mean Parent

Oh well~


If you are doing it right you will be ~ OFTEN.  It's just part of the job. 
The fact is you know you are NOT being mean.  Your children have the perception of a child and their understanding is that of immaturity.


I hear single moms say this often ~   They feel like everything is PARADISE for their children at the other parent's home.  Lets think about that....do you really think so?   Children don't tend to change that much between houses.  So just know that it is not always as it "seems"


Anyway, it has nothing to do with that.  
The TOTAL reason you discipline your children is so that they will become high functioning, responsible human beings.   We want them to listen, know how to follow directions, come when called, learn how to complete a task, get along with each other, have manners, take care of their possessions, and the list could go on and on.


The only way to get them from A to Z is to mean business. Mean what you say and say what you mean.  Sometimes the consequence is more than just a time out.  Sometimes it has to be corporal.  But the earlier you start the easier it will be.  Remember my post of "nip it in the bud"  I encourage you to look it up. 


So Mom and/or Dad ~   take a deep breath and choose to day to be your "child's best friend" by being the parent who makes the hard decisions, the one who follows through,  the one who has to miss things themselves because a child is serving an early bedtime.  It will not last forever and there will be a day that you will be glad that you followed through and your children will "rise up and call you blessed!"


Blessings!

I caught just a few minutes of Dr. Phil the other night as I was cooking.  It was a continuation of a dramatic saga  of the "Dr Phil family" that is shown off and on over the past years.  The young girl (now in her 20's and in a rehab)  said of her Dad, "I just want him to tell me No"


Did you hear that parents?


Your children WANT you to tell them NO!


They cannot always do it themselves.
They are pulled and pushed, prodded and manipulated by their peers, school mates, television, music etc etc etc.
They are often too weak and or confused to make the right decision.   We all know that from about 11 up they are just a MESS!!


Let's help them out!
 Say No when you have to ~  Protect them ~ Let them know that you love them and will stop them when you have to.   You are not here to be their friend ~  You are their PARENT.  Make a difference in their life.  They will thank you later


Blessings

Reins

As the worn out mom shared with me this morning, I kept getting the same thought.  "It is time to buy a set of  reins, make them shorter please "

Her son and daughter have been allowed to "swim out too deep", run too fast, have too much freedom and things have gone amuck.   

The children have responded with  ignoring their mom, sarcasm, criticism and all round disrespect.  Arguing and fighting have become the norm.  Rolling of the eyes with hand signs and body language yell the message that they are saying.  

She does not even want to go home.

Time to rein them in.    Sound scary?  Maybe ...but you CAN DO IT and you must!  If you think it is hard now I promise you it will only get worse as you are caught in a spiral.

I have a lot of thought and counsel on this matter ~ If you would like to talk email me for a date!

Blessings!

What I Love

Tonite one of my daughter's called me about some parenting/family stuff.  She knew that she needed help and wanted to talk some things through.


You know what I LOVE?    That ...Just that.


Parents ~   Don't ever think that you are putting someone out, going to look stupid, taking up some one's time etc, when you have a problem or issue that you want to discuss.
   
You are brilliant to ask someone who may know!


Please ask.... we have things to share.  We've made all the mistakes and prayerfully have learned some things that we can pass on.  
Why reinvent the wheel?  
Just because we are in the 21st century does not mean that the foundational truths and wisdom of parenting and family life have changed.  


THEY HAVEN'T!   


Ask away~


Blessings!

HELP!

A Reader writes:

 I'm looking for some advice for the new year! It's so sad, but today I am happy to be back to work. I could not stand another day home with my children! The 5 year old is sassy, disrespectful, argumentative with EVERYTHING I say, bossy and bratty. The 4 year old is whiny, sassy and disobedient. I've hit my top levels of dealing with it. Something has to change. It's probably me. But I don't know the how and what right now because I'm so frustrated I'm ready to blow!


Wow parents it's amazing isn't it that the little guys truly have the ability to put us over the edge.  Now I will tell you I read some entries from this specific mom and saw that there were many good spots in her holiday.  She took the boys places, made things with them, did special projects, went all out for Christmas but alas look how it ended..... Her, feeling used and abused and ready to run away!
What happened?
Well, my first guess would be that in all the hub bub of making sure the kids had a great Christmas season, poor behaviors were overlooked.  Maybe there was so much going on with fun activities and such that the boys were too busy to misbehave.  What ever the case....


PARENTS ~  YOU MUST BE CONSISTENT WHEN IT COMES TO DISCIPLINING THE BEHAVIORS THAT YOU DO NOT WANT!
sassy , disrespectful, argumentative, bossy, bratty, disobedient, whiny   
 YUK
 I would want to run away as well!   (Pity the poor teachers and day care workers who have to pick up the pieces, deal with the behaviors and exhaustion etc.  Be kind to them)
Well, it is a new year ~ A new day ~ A new beginning.  
*Draw the line one more time.  
*Make the boundaries clear.  
*Schedule a family meeting and discuss all that you are going to work on.   
*Decide on the consequences and awards. 


Put your foot down and keep it there!  
  
Don't put up with it any longer!   The ball IS in your court!  Play it the way you want it to go.  It IS your responsibility!  


If you want specifics I am willing to chat .  I know that you can pull it back together, and you must ~  for the sake of us all!


Blessings!


"boys come to the table...
I need to ask your forgiveness.  I am very disappointed in some behaviors that I have been seeing.  I am sorry that I let you carry on like that.  I am not going to allow this behavior any more"
*give examples of what went on....
*talk about what should have been done , how the behavior should          have looked
*map out the  consequences for the coming days.    


I personally would have the boys serve a punishment for what had been going on...perhaps early bed that night.  Be creative but firm.  The punishment needs to be enough that they do not want to serve it again


Again Blessings on you all!

What's the Temperature?

Are you a thermometer or a thermostat?

Do you regulate the atmosphere in your home or do you just react to what is going on around  you?

This is important to know about yourself.  Remember the saying   "If mama's not happy then no body's happy"
I'm afraid there is alot of truth in this statement.  Wow...what power!
The power, control and the ability to make those we love miserable and nervous.  Does your family "walk on eggshells around you always wondering  how your day is going?

If any of these statements belong to you  I suggest that you get some help.   The Scripture says that the "power of life and death are in the tongue"  Yikes!

I believe you knew with in the first 4 lines of this blog if this pertained to you.  
If you are a thermostat ...set an even temperature.  Your family will thrive on your consistent tone and behavior.  
If you are a thermometer, ask yourself why.  Why am I so stressed?  Am I filled with fear?  Am I angry?  Why are my days and thoughts filled with so much emotion?
   

Find someone to talk to, an older woman perhaps that can guide you and help train you to walk on a new path.  
You can do it and your family will do so much better because you took the step!

Blessings!

Shyness/ Being Courteous

Another reader question:
"sometimes when meeting new people she gets shy and nervous and won't make eye contact. If someone says "Nice to meet you" or "how are you?" she will look away and respond or respond as she is walking away. I tell her all the time to look at them in the eye or wait to walk away until she responds so they know she is acknowledging them but it doesn't seem to help. Is this something I will just have to keep reminding her of and hope that it will change? I just feel like she looks rude even though I know she is just feeling awkward sometimes."

Personally,  I believe that shyness should be addressed  and can be helped with practice.  Explain to her why you think it is important and that it is something that you want her to learn.  This should not be an option. (this needs to be an intentional conversation)
Perhaps you can make a game of it. Act it out thru out the week.  Practice with some of her friends and your friends.  Play act.    Your friend sticks out her hand and says nice to meet you Jane.  Jane shakes the hand and simply says," thank you". 
If someone compliments her dress  she needs to learn to say thank you.    
It is not too hard for her and sometimes can actually falls into the same category as not being willing to say sorry when they are wrong.  
Rebellion looks different at different ages! 
It is a process of learning.    
Next she needs to be the initiator.   "Hello, Mrs. Smith,  How are you today?" 
Get the first part down pat first and then you can start to work on this second area. 
Like with anything else, you can reward or discipline as the need be.  Early bed time would be good in this case...or just making her stay by your side if she does not respond appropriately.
Parenting is not for the lazy by any means!  Good work Mom!

Blessings!

Promises, Promises

Just a short word of caution.
It does matter what we say to our kids.
Think it through.   Don't use maybe unless it really leans towards "yes"
If you say it ~ mean it .  If you promise ~ follow it through.
If you offer money ~ pay it.
If you say you are going to do something, be somewhere, get something ~ DO IT.


Otherwise just DON'T SAY IT!


Many times our "mean to" is not followed by action ....Determine to follow through immediately or sooner.


Too often children grow up full well knowing that their parent really will not follow through.


Decide today, for this coming New Year, that you are going to be one who follow through, mean what they say and does what they promise.


Blessings!

The Little Garbage Can

I spoke to a young mom today about her step son.  It was not a good situation.  He is 10 and causing so many problems.   As we talked I realized we so often just  want our child, husband, etc to just GET IT!  But it is like expecting them to speak French without ever taking a lesson!
We say it is common sense ...perhaps to the one who has it...but totally uncommon to those not raised with it.


I saw this little boy as a little garbage can.   Just like a new little bucket that we buy to place under our sink for scraps, this little boy comes into the world helpless and empty.  If he is raised (not) in a dysfunctional situation little bits of garbage are put into him over the years,   He is never listened to,  is always underfoot, can never do anything right, is punished and corrected over and over and over with never an encouraging word.  NO WONDER he is a problem!  He is full of the lack all around him and is only mirroring it and soon just trying to protect himself.


YOU on the other hand are the adult!  You are the one who needs to get a grip.  YOU can change the atmosphere in your home.  If you don't know how ~ find out,  call me, read a book or call a friend.  
But it IS YOU who must take the step to stopping the insanity!  


It CAN BE STOPPED and you can learn new techniques and ways to bring this little guy around and make your house a home.


Send me questions....I will answer!


Blessings!











SMILE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ihQuiyV-lXU

The Unseen Guest~

Have you ever had someone come for a visit and before you know it their little one is nowhere in sight?
Mom does not seem to be concerned.   The two five year olds are playing in the playroom but 2 year old Johnny is just "roaming".


The question is...Should there be "roaming charges?


If Johnny breaks something, destroys something, tears something apart...who's responsibility is whose?


Parents.  
If you are visiting someone (esp. outside of your family) please do not assume that they are going to have sippy cups, diapers, baby food, binkys, bibs etc etc.  The child is YOUR  responsibility so travel prepared.  Today pack a bag that you can grab that already has a change of clothes plus the things I just mentioned.  Include a book or small toy in case you find your self in a spot where he needs to be entertained. It is unfair to expect your host to have all the paraphernalia that you need, and it can put them in an awkward position.


If you have a toddler that will not have a playmate, come prepared for the time that you will be visiting.  I totally realize that there may be little actual visiting going on with your active child present...but oh well it is a phase that will not last forever.  I found  it often just better to be the host home.  My children already knew what they could and couldn't do, I had what I needed for nap time etc. and actually enjoyed the visit with my friend as well.


So if Johnny breaks something ~ be prepared to pay for it or replace it.   If your friend says "Oh, don't worry about it"  Realize that she had the object for a reason before you came. It may have been a gift, an heirloom or even a yard-salers delight.  It really does not matter whether it's worth was $2.00 or $200.00 they were not expecting it to be broken..


Bottom line           YOUR CHILD = YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
Please take this to heart and prepare to be a Parent!


Blessings!

The Barber Chair

or the Dentist chair or the Eye Dr etc etc.


Becky will NOT let the dentist look in her mouth.  Eric will NOT allow the barber to cut his hair.  If mom and or dad push the situation ~ war breaks out!


What to do?


You have scheduled the appointment and now you start talking about it.  You talk all day long, constantly bringing it up so that the child will not be taken by surprise.  If by chance you should decide to pop into the salon, spur of the moment, you take the child, look them square in the face and tell them what is going to happen and what you expect.  Keep the dialog going until you reach a submissive spirit.  If you don't there will have to be an immediate consequence.


I can hear you..."You have no idea what you are talking about.  I will not subject myself  or the other patrons to that "


This is just another place that the child needs to know that you are the boss and that he/she needs to obey. Period.  The first and the second time may be a little rough but it will get better.  You will need to set up situations where you can continue to work on the behavior over a short amount of time.  


Just like potty training, make up your mind to tackle this.  It will not likely be as difficult  as it looks.


"Susie tomorrow we are going to get your hair cut"
"NO MOM!  (crying)  I wont go!  You cant make me etc!"
"Come over here" (as you get on her level, holding her body, you look right into her eyes and say) " Susie,  we ARE going to the salon.  It does not hurt to get your hair cut.  I cut mine all the time.  You are going to get in the chair and the lady is going to put an apron on you and the wash your hair.  None of this will hurt or even get in your eyes, then she is going to trim your hair.  I bet when you are done you will LOVE it!"
Do you understand?  Tell me what I just said"
This may take a bit of dialog that is why it is best to plan it in advance.


Now IF you get there and Susie starts to stiffen up and  be stubborn  you will remove her from the chair and take you where you are alone ( perhaps you could let the salon know ahead of time that you are going to be dealing with this issue)  YOU DO NOT need to be embarrassed !  You are in the midst of parenting!  Our embarrassment should only come when you children have simply run amok because we have not done our jobs.
Again you will get close to her face and sounding very firm you will say "I want you to stop the way you are acting, We are going to go back to the chair and you are going to finish"    If it STILL a problem you will either try one more time or quickly take her home.  You will be firm and quiet.  You will take her immediately into her room on her bed and say " I am disappointed in your behavior.  You are going to sit here until you are ready to do as I ask"    
Expect an apology to you and the barber and just keep talking about it until the next appointment  I fully realize that this is never convenient.  BUT again it will get better and easier.  The younger the children are when they realize that you mean what you say and follow through the less situations you will have to deal with in the future.


These behaviors are not always easy to "write" about as there are so many scenarios etc that   the blog would turn into a book.   I, again, am more than happy to dialog with you about any of these issues.  I personally am not opposed to a paddle on the bottom during times of out-right disobedience.  Always discipline in private and having your emotions under control or wait until you can.


As always, Blessings on you and yours!

Trouble

Sometimes the actions of our children just "slam" us.  They take us by surprise and we lose our breath and are shook to the core.  Perhaps your child has stolen, bullied, defaced someones property or done something sexual and right in the middle of "life as usual" you are stopped with the realization that you have a problem on your hands.  It takes the wind out of your sail and you hardly know what to do.


First, I want to suggest you  to really consider the age of the child.  We, as adults, want to believe that no matter how young or old our child is  that they MUST KNOW BETTER!   We spin because we don't know what to do or where to turn.   Be careful of your immediate reaction.   Breath and talk with your spouse or trusted friend or counselor.   You need to process and you also need to do some digging of your own to see where the breakdown started.  


As parents many times our guard can be down and it is only when a situation happens that we are jerked back to reality.  Whether it is our child's friends or their computer usage, television or involvement on the bus and at school we must not overlook the situation.


I beg you to follow it through until the end.  Don't just go on your way once the dust has settled.  Don't crucify your child especially if he/she is younger.  Take the time and make the effort to get to the bottom of the issue.  Our children go out into the world every day and stuff flies at them from every direction.


I listened to /saw 2 situations just this week.  one was from a concerned parent and the other a post on facebook  : have you ever hurt so bad over a child that you can't breathe?  


Friends  it goes with having children.  So don't take it out on


 each other, the dog or the other children.  Just pray and get


 to the  bottom of the problem.  Work it through just as long


 as you need to .  It is a learning curve for all the parties


 concerned.  Nothing is new under the sun and this too shall


 pass.  But before it does let "it"do its work on you and yours


 so that wisdom and learning will come and benefit the future


 of all the concerned.

Another Boo-boo

I had a daughter who, when she was small, we called the Boo Boo Queen of America!
It would happen at interesting times during the day...but especially evening and more specifically after she had been tucked into bed.    You could almost time her....5 mins, maybe 10 here she would come, whimpering and holding some part of her body that was either feeling like it was going to fall off or in the need of emergency surgery.


Today in church a young family sat in front of me,  the little girl, perhaps 3 ish, hurt her leg somehow.  I did not see anything happen but her little face began to scrunch up and she began to whimper.   Her mom looked at her, listened for a moment, then bent down to rub her leg  for a few seconds.   Having done this she then went back into worship.   The little one was not satisfied and began to get her moms attention  again.  Her mom did the same thing.   On the 3rd time, the mom sat down beside her, took her little leg in her hand and rubbed it for a minute or so.  AHHHHH relief set in.  Satisfaction met.  Her little face changed and she was instantly better.  
The miracle cure?  Attention...one on one.
Many times we prolong the issues of our children because we don't stop for a minute and take time to listen and attend to their needs.   Parent~ you can save yourself alot of time and energy if you will respond correctly the first time because believe me, and you've seen it yourself, they do not give up easily!


Blessings on you as you walk the path of parenthood.  May you succeed and raise happy, well adjusted children!

Punishment

"Fred is going to be bummed to find out that he cannot play video games tonite until the kids are in bed."  
"Why?"
"Well Jeremy lost privileges and it would not be fair for him to see his dad playing when he can't."


WHO says so????  
Why do we feel like everyone needs to be punished because someone chose to disobey?  
This summer during our Cousin Camp one of the cousins did not come when called.  This is the 2nd rule of Cousin Camp : You must come when called the first time.  It is the only rule that can break the First Rule  which is:  Ice Cream EVERYDAY!
As we stood in line at the ice cream stand  everyone made their choices and took their cones to the picnic table.  She did not.  Nothing was said.  
We ate, 
she waited.  
THE END   and you know what??


It WAS the end!  
It never happened again!
Stick with what you say parents! Follow through.  Don't let your child hold you hostage in any way shape or form.  It's called discipline and it is how they learn!

Parenting

Too tired to write tonite!  I have just finished preparing  a luncheon for 12 tomorrow and am wiped.


Would you be interested in a Parenting  Series here at my home?  I would be more than willing to do it.  I would split it up by age groups and we would gather for a couple of hours on a week night.  

I also am more than willing to come to you!  Gather up some of your friends and I will come and field questions and round table talk with you all.  Let me know if you are interested @


marnie.gileadsbalm@gmail.com

A reader writes: "my seven year old will call me stupid, idiot and or fat at will.  His
anger can escalate in an instant over nothing.  What is going on?  This has been 
a problem since spring.  BTW he behaves wonderful in public."


Well first things first.
Thank God He behaves in public!!!!
That saves some of the embarrassment!


Because I have never been around this child or his family I can only give "basic" counsel. 
I see that he has lived to be 7, making me believe he has not  always been this way. (smile)
First I would make sure that the mom does not feel these words describe her in any fashion.
If there is even a twinge of truth here I want to remind her that she is the child's MOM and
there is NEVER any reason for this type of disrespect to come from a child.. on ANY level.

I would also ask where the dad is in the  scenario.  I would hope involved.  If the child does  it when  the dad is not present the mom should speak to her husband about it and have him
come in on the discipline.  Children need to be taught to respect and it goes much
easier if both parents are on the same page. 


Some day soon take this young man aside to talk.  Go for a  walk or a ride together so that you will have his undivided attention.  This needs to be done when everything is calm,
maybe even over a treat of some kind.


When you are alone with him tell him you have been very bothered by his behavior,  speak
about recent scenes and or behaviors that have been unacceptable.


Talk  to him about respect. Find a good book at the library on the subject.  
After you know that he understands what you are talking about let him know that he is 
not going to be allowed to speak that way or act that way  anymore.  Let him know firmly 
and clearly what the consequences will be if he continues. 
 He may have a game or favorite show that can be subtracted from his life or perhaps an 
earlier bedtime would get his attention  or even a chore that he must do.  But whatever  it 
is it needs to be something that will make an impact..(Don't send him to his room full of
 toys)


At 7 years old he is still testing boundaries.  If he is in the public school system there is a 
chance  he is hearing alot that he may not have seen or heard at home.  


Take care of it fast.  Clamp down hard.  I just pray that you and your husband will stand 
firmly together to guide this young man in the way that he should go.  
I am willing to talk with you one on one if you would like.


WIN~


Blessings!

Taking the Time

I had a short conversation today with a friend about a talk that she had with her son last nite....It got me thinking.

We are living in such a busy society. There is never any time.... Well let's put it another way...There is No time to do anything... else..out of the ordinary.. intentional.

OK Marnie what are you getting at?

I'm talking about taking time to talk to your children/child.

Have you ever noticed that many times days go by without any REAL TALK taking place in the family? The kind of talk that is stimulating...back and forth...two people sharing thoughts and questions? This is where learning takes place, where relationships grow, where memories are made.

This mom shared that a conversation had started in the car and later she invited her son into the hot tub (which he first said no to and then showed up with his bathing suit on!) and how the conversation went into a long discussion about sex. This guy was almost 12 and had a TON of wrong facts. She was able to answer his questions, ask questions and listen in a very non threatening and easy atmosphere.

Rarely do these moments appear by themselves. We need to create an atmosphere for talking and sharing. Children, and adults for that matter, many times need to warm up to the idea.

Offering a cup of tea or hot chocolate at the table can be an opening. Playing a board game or taking a walk work well also. Inviting your child to take a drive with you...etc You get the idea. Get creative. Take the time. In years to come you will wish that you had.

Give it a try you may find some interesting things out about your child.

Blessings
Marnie

Just get them through it...

I had the opportunity of meeting a new friend this weekend. She was telling me of the advise she has been given on getting her child through the teenage years.

These well meaning ladies have said:

Let them drink as long as they don't drive.

They can sleep around as long as there is no pregnancy.

Cheating is not so bad if they don't get caught.

If they're disrespectful they are learning to use their voice
and on and on...

THIS IS NOT CORRECT THINKING!
Moms you have a very important and serious job and it is WAY MORE THAN JUST GETTING THROUGH THE TEEN YEARS

We are training future adults, citizens, parents, and leaders. Discipline is key to training your children to be a vital part of society.
In past blogs I have talked about when there is an absence of parental involvement someone or something IS parenting your child. The television, music, peers, computer, games etc all have vital roles in your child's life....

Are you keeping track of what your kids are being taught ?

Are these true statements?
Its ok to drink
Its ok to spend all your money
Its ok to be disrespectful
Its ok to ignore authority
Its ok to be sexually active
etc

Are we just biding time.... waiting to pawn them off on someone or something else?

Take the reigns back...Read some good books and begin to train your child. It will be worth it and the world will say thank you.

Blessings
Marnie
www.comeinandrest.com

PS  I am going to be offering parenting classes and discussions at my house if you are interested please drop me an email!  marnie.gileadsbalm@gmail.com

A Death in the Family

Have you ever experienced death in the immediate family? It seems like a whilwind sets down over your house and the norm is set aside for a period of time.

It is what it is....all consuming.

Have you included the children? Is there understanding there? Are they being lost in the shuffle? Do they know what is happening?

In years gone by death was, in many cases, just not talked about...the adults handled it and life just began again without any counsel, talking it out etc.

My advice to you is.... talk about it. You may not have all the answers but it is good to be able to share feelings. There are some good books available on the subject for children. This is just a continuing course in their preparation for life. Take the time that is needed.

Your children may respond to death in many different ways. You may not notice anything different or the child may become withdrawn, fearful, anxious or feeling ill. Don't overlook any of these symptons and pretend that it is not happening.
Something is going on and it is better to deal with it sooner rather than later. Its a critical time and feels off limits to some of us but we all know that it is a real part of life. It is part of the dance. Just be sensitive to each other and get help from someone if you need to.

Blessings,
Marnie