It's too BIG I just can't tackle it!!

Mom's I want you to hear this. When you are facing a HUGH training time with your child..ie: getting them to stay in bed, potty training, getting rid of the pacifier etc.. the tendency is to believe that you are now going to embark on the

Never Ending Journey.

THIS IS NOT TRUE.

Once you make up YOUR mind to begin and follow through...there WILL be an end and it will be MUCH sooner than you think.

I've seen too many of you deflate during the counsel of discipline. "I just don't have the energy", " I just can't take that kind of time", "You don't know my child" "You make it sound much easier than I know that it is going to be"!!

My word to you: get rested,...think it through, get all involved on the same page, set a time and BEGIN

Don't let the task scare you....You CAN do it! These principles DO work. You CAN WIN!

I remember a friend sitting in my living room and saying to me (as she watched me with all my little ones) "I just don't know how you do it...I don't think I could ever handle it etc etc etc"

It was funny to me as she had just finished telling me how she had gone shopping with her two young sons and how they had run all over the store, in and out or racks, up and down and in and out. I must admit I was exhausted just hearing the story!!

I remember thinking 

#1 how I would never let that happen...and if it ever BEGAN to happen it would STOP right about the time that it started!!! 

#2 I would much rather take the time to teach and train a child in a lasting principle rather than try to "catch a runaway train!!!! and 

#3 how I then and there appreciated my children's behavior and how far we had come in the training of obedience!

So all of that to say this. NO MORE EXCUSES MOM Do yourself a favor and dive in and iron out the wrinkles in your parenting skills and behaviors (or lack there of) of your children.

YOU CAN DO IT!!!! Drop me a note and tell me how its working!

Blessings
Marnie

The Dance Continues~

Beware....sometimes when we see this dance we tend to believe that the child/young adult is ready to move outside the boundaries. I believe it is more likely that they are testing to make sure the boundaries stay in tact.

Boundaries that move can be scary...it can cause stress and then lack of judgement.

 Ex. You have said repeatedly that the curfew is 11pm on the weekend. Jane wants to stay out till 12:30 with her friends. She has been asking for weeks and you have held your ground. You begin to think maybe its alright and besides you are sick of the conflict and argument every weekend. You finally say "OK just go, but don't complain that you are exhausted at work tomorrow."
I hope that I can convey what sometimes happens here: Jane is surprised....1. she sees that whining and asking repeatedly works. 2. she got her way. 3. it must be alright or you would not have let her go. 4. thus all that goes with the change may be alright also.

Granted we need to keep this within context.

If you indeed feel that Jane can begin to stay out till midnight, you need to sit her down and have a discussion. Don't let it come about with an argument. I hope that you are understanding my sentiment. There are boundaries that get pushed out naturally with age and trust and then there are those that should not move. 

Ex:  You can not go to his house when his parents are not home.
You cannot make a last minute request and expect to have it happen.
You cannot go to the parties at the college.
You cannot drive the new car after dark.

I trust that you have gotten my message. Boundaries are special markers. They are there for a reason. They make a child feel secure and taken care of. They will be tested but remember many times it is to see that they remain in tact rather than crumble.

Stay strong parents You are building an adult.

Blessings
Marnie

The Boundary Boogie

There are various times during our children's growing years when they press the boundaries...but never more than in the teenage years. I call this the "boundary dance". Picture that mime in the box as he tries to find his way out. Every square inch...bottom and ceiling, walls.. he searches, pushing, hoping to find  loop holes, windows, unexpressed rules...anything for a way out!

Too often we just get worn down. We  say "JUST GO" "I DONT CARE" "DONT BLAME ME" "ASK YOUR FATHER" "______________________"!!!

Parents...be ready when you see your child preparing for this dance. It is often accompanied by whining, dissatisfaction, irritability and/or perhaps anger.

Sometimes it presents itself as panic or they will push at the most inopportune times. Don't be caught off guard. Be rested...watch for the signs. 

Explain, AHEAD OF TIME, THE RULES AND BOUNDARIES. 

Stay calm and don't let them wear you down!! 

Stand your ground.
A friend was over watching a movie...at 10pm she received a call from her teen.."mom, can we go over to _____ for a sleep over?" The mom had not met the parents. Again it was 10 at nite. (their lack of planning is not your problem) and no NOT EVERYONE is going!!!
Refuse guilt  and say no to giving in.  Keep your ground! Its mandatory!
While your kids dance remain still and constant.  It tends to put them off balance!

Blessings
Marnie

You can see a back log of parenting skills on the blog page at 

http://marniesparentingfamilyblog.blogspot.com

If you are no longer are wanting to recieve these tips please feel free to tell me. Also pass them along freely.

Positive Praise

It takes no energy.
Costs no money.
Takes little time.
Requires no special tools.

It can cause increase in stature.
It can bring renewal and a lighter step.
It can ease stress.
It can lift a heavy load.
It affects every life at every age.

PRAISE

P power packed words of encouragement
r right at any time of day or nite
a always works
i intuitively welcome
s saying something that is positive and personal
e Everybody deserves some

Do you want to change things in your marriage, your work, your children, your school, committee meetings, church, relationships??? Try praise. "You will win more bees with honey"
Now I am not suggesting that you make things up. That you slather compliments...brown nose....etc...

I AM SUGGESTING that you begin to practice praise. Start by making a decision to give 1 genuine praise per day per individual. This does not come natural in most cases. So you will need to be intentional to pull it off. You may meet some skepticism in the beginning but don't let it hinder you. Make it a practice.

Children will thrive with praise. You do not need to worry that they will become proud or spoiled...if the praise is genuine it will do it's job.

It can be delivered privately or in a group setting, in a note, letter, with a gift or alone.

Don't let anything stop you. Praise. Praise PRAISE!!

Blessings
Marnie

just A mom

JUST A MOM?


A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk 'S office,
Was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

'What I mean is, ' explained the recorder,
'do you have a job or are you just a ...?'

'Of course I have a job,' snapped the woman.

'I'm a Mom.'

'We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation,
'housewife' covers it,'
Said the recorder emphatically.


I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself
In the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.
The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised,
Efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like,
'Official Interrogator' or 'Town Registrar.'

'What is your occupation?' she probed.

What made me say it? I do not know.
The words simply popped out.
'I'm a Research Associate in the field of
Child Development and Human Relations.'

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and
Looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words..
Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written,
In bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

'Might I ask,' said the clerk with new interest,
'just what you do in your field?'

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice,
I heard myself reply,
'I have a continuing program of research,
(what mother doesn't)
In the laboratory and in the field,
(normally I would have said indoors and out).
I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family)
And already have four credits (all daughters).
Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities,
(any mother care to disagree?)
And I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it).
But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers
And the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money.'

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she
Completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career,
I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3.
Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model,
(a 6 month old baby) in the child development program,
Testing out a new vocal pattern.
I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy!
And I had gone on the official records as someone more
Distinguished and indispensable to mankind than 'just another Mom.'
Motherhood!

What a glorious career!
Especially when there's a title on the door.


Does this make grandmothers
'Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations'
And great grandmothers
Executive Senior Research Associates?'
I think so!!!
I also think it makes Aunts
Associate Research Assistants.



Please send this to another Mom

"Look me in the eye!"

I wish I had a dime for each time I have done this with my children...or other little people for that matter.

It is important.

With the little ones you should either set them up on the counter or get down on your knees...either way when you want to communicate something...Look them in the eye.

Can you imagine how awful it must be to look at knees and hips all day long. Hearing a voice that is coming from so far away. Wondering if it is you they are talking too?

We tend to get upset when we are ignored by our children but I'm not sure that they are always catching our "call". They just may not be on your "wave" length.

Get on your children's level and make eye contact....from the youngest to the oldest..it will make a difference.

and while I'm "here" you should stop what you are doing and listen when your child (or anyone else for that matter) talks to you. I have too often continued on with my busyness... even walking away, while saying "keep talking, I'm listening I just need to get another gallon of milk" Ouch that one stung me!
It is called respect and we all like it.

(This works great for husbands too!:))

Blessings!
Marnie

RSVP *no children please

Let me ask you....does this irritate you?

Do you tend to think "Surely they don't mean my kids .. they are such good friends of the family." "My children are like their god-children" "I'm sure they will not mind."

From me to you...

1. Please do not put your friend in an awkward place by asking them if they mind, this once, if your child can come.

2. Please get a sitter or decide not to go...BUT don't wait till the last minute to RSVP. Really you can or you can't. Be responsible and make the decision and let them know with plenty of time to spare.

3. Please do not take it personally. Im sure the event has been thought through and planned out in accordance with what the couple/person wants.

4. Please do NOT just SHOW UP with your children in tow.

5. Please don't think that it only applies to any infant over 1 (fill in the blank) month of age..."he's just a baby and I'm sure he won't bother anyone. Anyway I'll be able to show him off to all the people that I don't usually see." Have an open house yourself and celebrate your own family.

6. People should be able to have the type of event they want without us trying to push the boundaries.
If your friend were thinking that this invite stipulation did not apply to you they would call you or add a personal note.
ie: Jim and Sara please feel free to bring little Leslie..our son Evan said that he would play with him down stairs and then we can tuck him in bed if it gets late.

7. Please take this personally. I have seen people show up to weddings uninvited, because "obviously it was an oversite"
Heard babies cry all the way through weddings and seen children climbing over guests at funerals etc.... Your children~ your responsiblity.

Blessings
Marnie