Attitude

A young mother writes:
I have been struggling with an issue with my 9 year old.   It seems that whenever something doesn't go her way, whether I don't give her an answer she wants, if she hurts herself, or she drops something (anything inconvenient really..) she gets really frustrated and starts stomping her feet, or slamming things, and it's very obvious by her facial expressions and grunting noises that she is frustrated. I don't understand why she seems to have pent up anger and I have no idea how to teach her to control these emotions. Honestly when she gets like that (which is many times a day) I get frustrated at her. I don't know what to do and it's been going on for a few weeks. She doesn't seem to be having any problems with friends at school. Do you have any suggestions? I have no idea what to do and what I have done doesn't work. 


I have actually spoken about this method of discipline a number of times.  It works in many different types of situations.
This young lady needs to be sat down and spoken to.   Take her out for dinner, for a drive or just something out of the ordinary.  You want to "get her attention" when the problem is not happening.


Let me paint a scenario.
In the morning before school.  "Judy, when you get home today we are going to go out for an ice cream".  (taking the child off guard)
"why mom? "  
"Just cause I would like to treat you".


After school the time comes to go.  You sit down with your ice cream and chat a little about the day.
Eventually  you say, " I have to apologize for something.  ( again out of the ordinary and peaks the child's interest)
"I have been noticing over the last couple of weeks that you have been having a hard time controlling your anger.  You stomp, pout etc etc".  
Give a few present examples.
"Judy I want to apologize because I have let you get away with this behavior.  I hoped that it would go away but I can see it is only happening more.   I'm sorry that I have let it go on so long.  I stand before the Lord in my discipline of you and presently it has not been a pretty picture and I have been "allowing" it.


Will you forgive me?


I have never heard the child say no.


I just want you to know that this behavior is going to end.  I am not going to stand for it any longer.  You are much too old to be handling your frustration in this manner.  You are no longer a toddler.  You are growing up.  I don't think you act this way at school or anywhere other than at home...am I correct?


Then talk about some options on how to handle frustration etc.  
1.Go to your room.  
2.Take a little walk


Talk to her about how it looks when you get frustrated at work etc..what do you do?   Paint good examples...let her share as well and give her ideas.  
Pray with her 


Then talk about the consequences that are going to be put in place for not handling it correctly .  
1. Being sent to her room,  
2. Going to bed early,  
3. having another privilege taken away. etc.


The next part is the MOST IMPORTANT.

You MUST FOLLOW THRU ~  EVERYTIME!!!!

If you want to chat more about this email me!
Blessings!