Married or not… you should read this.
Marriage.
“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Noise
The world is FULL of it! I know many who, walking into the house carrying groceries, will go and turn the TV on before setting the bags down!
When was the last time that you sat in silence? In the car we listen to talk radio, at work we have noise of one kind or another all around us, at home the TV, kids, phone, etc etc are always vying for attention.
Practice some silence today ~ solitude. Teach your children young that it is good to know silence. I'm sure some of you think right now that this is totally crazy!. I don't think so. start with 5 minutes, sitting in a chair quietly do nothing.... Want to know how to stretch your time? Try this exercise! 5 minutes can actually feel quite long!
It is good for children to be silent. Years ago we used to hear "children should be seen and not heard". While we live in a different time and society today I do believe there is something to this saying. Children need to learn how to sit still, be quiet, wait their turn etc etc without having a melt down...The idea is to start young.
Practice today with sitting with your children at the dinner table with a timer on for 3 mins. Try it every day for a week or 2 then lengthen it.
Last winter one of my granddaughters came to spend the night and go to church with me. On the way home from the service I asked her if she would like to go to Friendlies or eat at home. She immediately said the restaurant. Within a few minutes she said "Grandbabe, do you think we could just go home and eat?" I quickly agreed and as I was making some soup and a sandwich she quietly gathered books and sat down by the wood stove and read for hours! I realized that being the oldest of 4 little ones she needed quiet and it did not take her very long to realize that was what she wanted and needed! Good for her!!
Try it! You might like it!!
Blessings!
When was the last time that you sat in silence? In the car we listen to talk radio, at work we have noise of one kind or another all around us, at home the TV, kids, phone, etc etc are always vying for attention.
Practice some silence today ~ solitude. Teach your children young that it is good to know silence. I'm sure some of you think right now that this is totally crazy!. I don't think so. start with 5 minutes, sitting in a chair quietly do nothing.... Want to know how to stretch your time? Try this exercise! 5 minutes can actually feel quite long!
It is good for children to be silent. Years ago we used to hear "children should be seen and not heard". While we live in a different time and society today I do believe there is something to this saying. Children need to learn how to sit still, be quiet, wait their turn etc etc without having a melt down...The idea is to start young.
Practice today with sitting with your children at the dinner table with a timer on for 3 mins. Try it every day for a week or 2 then lengthen it.
Last winter one of my granddaughters came to spend the night and go to church with me. On the way home from the service I asked her if she would like to go to Friendlies or eat at home. She immediately said the restaurant. Within a few minutes she said "Grandbabe, do you think we could just go home and eat?" I quickly agreed and as I was making some soup and a sandwich she quietly gathered books and sat down by the wood stove and read for hours! I realized that being the oldest of 4 little ones she needed quiet and it did not take her very long to realize that was what she wanted and needed! Good for her!!
Try it! You might like it!!
Blessings!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
The Beginning of Discipline
I was with a young mom a while back who had a baby around 6 months old. She told how she had to discipline her little one because he kept crawling over and chewing on the wires near some electronics.
Parents, babies at this age do not need this kind of discipline. Our job is to keep our babies safe and we need to know exactly where they are and what they are doing at all times. (Where have all the playpens gone???)
At this early age the child does not get the concept of right or wrong. He is learning, exploring, tasting and grabbing anything within reach. This is totally normal.
I will say that at this age and a little older you may experience them begin to struggle when you are trying to diaper them. They wiggle and turn and make it almost impossible to do the job. An "attention getting" tap on the bum and a firm 'No" is usually all that it takes and they are able to learn about not fighting you. This is also a time when you might begin to see/hear the beginning of a temper flair up when they are not getting the attention that they want.
When you have done your job and the child is warm, fed, clean etc etc allow them to "voice their opinion" now and then....These lung workouts never hurt them and many times it is what they need to unwind and fall asleep. All within reason my friend. This is certainly not a license to never have to hold your baby or a reason to shake them out of anger. If you feel you are "losing" it get some help and some sleep. Your patience and actions will be much better when you have taken care of yourself.
This too will pass dear friend and he/she will be wanting to use the car before you know it!
Blessings!
Parents, babies at this age do not need this kind of discipline. Our job is to keep our babies safe and we need to know exactly where they are and what they are doing at all times. (Where have all the playpens gone???)
At this early age the child does not get the concept of right or wrong. He is learning, exploring, tasting and grabbing anything within reach. This is totally normal.
I will say that at this age and a little older you may experience them begin to struggle when you are trying to diaper them. They wiggle and turn and make it almost impossible to do the job. An "attention getting" tap on the bum and a firm 'No" is usually all that it takes and they are able to learn about not fighting you. This is also a time when you might begin to see/hear the beginning of a temper flair up when they are not getting the attention that they want.
When you have done your job and the child is warm, fed, clean etc etc allow them to "voice their opinion" now and then....These lung workouts never hurt them and many times it is what they need to unwind and fall asleep. All within reason my friend. This is certainly not a license to never have to hold your baby or a reason to shake them out of anger. If you feel you are "losing" it get some help and some sleep. Your patience and actions will be much better when you have taken care of yourself.
This too will pass dear friend and he/she will be wanting to use the car before you know it!
Blessings!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Nicknames
Do you have nicknames for your children?
My dad was big on giving everyone a second name. Each of my children had at least one.
At Cousin Camp this year we were talking about having nick-names and we thought of one for our youngest camper. It was going to be "Loser". He lost everything!! Shoes, hat, drink etc etc etc. We laughed about it but never used it because of the connotation. Even though our intention was ok the word itself would not have been kind.
I had friends along time ago that called their children "Brat" I have heard "little devil" and "stupid"
Think about what you call your children. If you want to have a family nickname think it through as it will be something that they hear over and over.
In the movie "The Help", a Negro maid/nanny took the little girl aside daily and said the same thing over and over:
"You is kind, You is smart, You is important".
I love that~over and over each day...until they believe it themselves!
Same to you my friend!
My dad was big on giving everyone a second name. Each of my children had at least one.
At Cousin Camp this year we were talking about having nick-names and we thought of one for our youngest camper. It was going to be "Loser". He lost everything!! Shoes, hat, drink etc etc etc. We laughed about it but never used it because of the connotation. Even though our intention was ok the word itself would not have been kind.
I had friends along time ago that called their children "Brat" I have heard "little devil" and "stupid"
Think about what you call your children. If you want to have a family nickname think it through as it will be something that they hear over and over.
In the movie "The Help", a Negro maid/nanny took the little girl aside daily and said the same thing over and over:
"You is kind, You is smart, You is important".
I love that~over and over each day...until they believe it themselves!
Same to you my friend!
Monday, October 24, 2011
Schedules
I've probably written about this before but I believe it demands repeating.
Children LOVE schedules. They love repetition, regime and tradition. You will hear them as they get a little older. "We ALWAYS do_____________ ."
You do yourself a favor in those first years especially when you get the family on a schedule.
Up at a.m.
breakfast (have the children sit at the table and do not let them get down until breakfast is done..this should be the regime of all meals)
Daily Habits (bathroom stuff)
rooms make beds and pick up
Take laundry to the laundry room (throw in a load)
Think about what you will have for dinner and take it out of the freezer etc.
Clean up the kitchen
spend some one on one time with the children
lunch
clean up and read a book
nap/ quiet time for ALL preschoolers
wake up, have a healthy snack (we ALWAYS had a fruit and a piece of candy)
play out side if possible
begin dinner while children are playing
set the table (children can help) train them early
ALL eat together (This is a good time to begin slowly asking the kids about their days. Even the youngest will appreciate being singled out to answer a question)
clear table, children helping sweep under, wipe trays etc
kitchen (get it out of the way)
ready the children for bed....
A preschooler should be in bed by 7-7:30 They need their sleep
Take time to clean them up teeth, bath or wash up, Read a book or two and tuck them in bed after bathroom etc
This is a great chore for Dad to do at the end of the day while you are cleaning up after dinner. It gives him quality time and a chance to pray with them before bed.
Don't fly by the seat of your pants any longer.....schedule...things will go much smoother and easier
Blessings!
Children LOVE schedules. They love repetition, regime and tradition. You will hear them as they get a little older. "We ALWAYS do_____________ ."
You do yourself a favor in those first years especially when you get the family on a schedule.
Up at a.m.
breakfast (have the children sit at the table and do not let them get down until breakfast is done..this should be the regime of all meals)
Daily Habits (bathroom stuff)
rooms make beds and pick up
Take laundry to the laundry room (throw in a load)
Think about what you will have for dinner and take it out of the freezer etc.
Clean up the kitchen
spend some one on one time with the children
lunch
clean up and read a book
nap/ quiet time for ALL preschoolers
wake up, have a healthy snack (we ALWAYS had a fruit and a piece of candy)
play out side if possible
begin dinner while children are playing
set the table (children can help) train them early
ALL eat together (This is a good time to begin slowly asking the kids about their days. Even the youngest will appreciate being singled out to answer a question)
clear table, children helping sweep under, wipe trays etc
kitchen (get it out of the way)
ready the children for bed....
A preschooler should be in bed by 7-7:30 They need their sleep
Take time to clean them up teeth, bath or wash up, Read a book or two and tuck them in bed after bathroom etc
This is a great chore for Dad to do at the end of the day while you are cleaning up after dinner. It gives him quality time and a chance to pray with them before bed.
Don't fly by the seat of your pants any longer.....schedule...things will go much smoother and easier
Blessings!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Another Boo-boo
I had a daughter who, when she was small, we called the Boo Boo Queen of America!
It would happen at interesting times during the day...but especially evening and more specifically after she had been tucked into bed. You could almost time her....5 mins, maybe 10 here she would come, whimpering and holding some part of her body that was either feeling like it was going to fall off or in the need of emergency surgery.
Today in church a young family sat in front of me, the little girl, perhaps 3 ish, hurt her leg somehow. I did not see anything happen but her little face began to scrunch up and she began to whimper. Her mom looked at her, listened for a moment, then bent down to rub her leg for a few seconds. Having done this she then went back into worship. The little one was not satisfied and began to get her moms attention again. Her mom did the same thing. On the 3rd time, the mom sat down beside her, took her little leg in her hand and rubbed it for a minute or so. AHHHHH relief set in. Satisfaction met. Her little face changed and she was instantly better.
The miracle cure? Attention...one on one.
Many times we prolong the issues of our children because we don't stop for a minute and take time to listen and attend to their needs. Parent~ you can save yourself alot of time and energy if you will respond correctly the first time because believe me, and you've seen it yourself, they do not give up easily!
Blessings on you as you walk the path of parenthood. May you succeed and raise happy, well adjusted children!
It would happen at interesting times during the day...but especially evening and more specifically after she had been tucked into bed. You could almost time her....5 mins, maybe 10 here she would come, whimpering and holding some part of her body that was either feeling like it was going to fall off or in the need of emergency surgery.
Today in church a young family sat in front of me, the little girl, perhaps 3 ish, hurt her leg somehow. I did not see anything happen but her little face began to scrunch up and she began to whimper. Her mom looked at her, listened for a moment, then bent down to rub her leg for a few seconds. Having done this she then went back into worship. The little one was not satisfied and began to get her moms attention again. Her mom did the same thing. On the 3rd time, the mom sat down beside her, took her little leg in her hand and rubbed it for a minute or so. AHHHHH relief set in. Satisfaction met. Her little face changed and she was instantly better.
The miracle cure? Attention...one on one.
Many times we prolong the issues of our children because we don't stop for a minute and take time to listen and attend to their needs. Parent~ you can save yourself alot of time and energy if you will respond correctly the first time because believe me, and you've seen it yourself, they do not give up easily!
Blessings on you as you walk the path of parenthood. May you succeed and raise happy, well adjusted children!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Punishment
"Fred is going to be bummed to find out that he cannot play video games tonite until the kids are in bed."
"Why?"
"Well Jeremy lost privileges and it would not be fair for him to see his dad playing when he can't."
WHO says so????
Why do we feel like everyone needs to be punished because someone chose to disobey?
This summer during our Cousin Camp one of the cousins did not come when called. This is the 2nd rule of Cousin Camp : You must come when called the first time. It is the only rule that can break the First Rule which is: Ice Cream EVERYDAY!
As we stood in line at the ice cream stand everyone made their choices and took their cones to the picnic table. She did not. Nothing was said.
We ate,
she waited.
THE END and you know what??
It WAS the end!
It never happened again!
Stick with what you say parents! Follow through. Don't let your child hold you hostage in any way shape or form. It's called discipline and it is how they learn!
"Why?"
"Well Jeremy lost privileges and it would not be fair for him to see his dad playing when he can't."
WHO says so????
Why do we feel like everyone needs to be punished because someone chose to disobey?
This summer during our Cousin Camp one of the cousins did not come when called. This is the 2nd rule of Cousin Camp : You must come when called the first time. It is the only rule that can break the First Rule which is: Ice Cream EVERYDAY!
As we stood in line at the ice cream stand everyone made their choices and took their cones to the picnic table. She did not. Nothing was said.
We ate,
she waited.
THE END and you know what??
It WAS the end!
It never happened again!
Stick with what you say parents! Follow through. Don't let your child hold you hostage in any way shape or form. It's called discipline and it is how they learn!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Parenting
Too tired to write tonite! I have just finished preparing a luncheon for 12 tomorrow and am wiped.
Would you be interested in a Parenting Series here at my home? I would be more than willing to do it. I would split it up by age groups and we would gather for a couple of hours on a week night.
I also am more than willing to come to you! Gather up some of your friends and I will come and field questions and round table talk with you all. Let me know if you are interested @
marnie.gileadsbalm@gmail.com
Would you be interested in a Parenting Series here at my home? I would be more than willing to do it. I would split it up by age groups and we would gather for a couple of hours on a week night.
I also am more than willing to come to you! Gather up some of your friends and I will come and field questions and round table talk with you all. Let me know if you are interested @
marnie.gileadsbalm@gmail.com
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Tuesday
Another day in the neighborhood.
Same old ~ same old.
Mundane madness....food, clean up, food, clean up, food, clean up interspersed with laundry, phone calls, errands, household tasks, etc etc
Just makes you want to get back in bed doesn't it!
Today why not "shake it up".
Do something out of the ordinary. Bake some banana bread and take it to the neighbor along with some pictures that the kids have drawn. Spread some blessings!!
I have the ABSOLUTE BEST Banana Bread Recipe It can be whipped up in minutes and any neighbor would find it a real treat!
Cream 1 stick butter with 1 cup sugar.
Add an egg continue to beat
Throw in 3 very ripe bananas (mash them first if you do not have a strong mixer)
Add 1 and half cups of flour plus 1 tsp of baking soda
Pour into a greased loaf pan or it will make 2-3 of the little loaf pans (so you can spread the warmth even further!)
Bake about 45-50 mins for a regular loaf pan..
Delish!
PS I find bananas on the markdown rack for around 20 cents a lb. Buy some and if they are good and black (Yes!!! don't you dare throw those ugly looking things out!) throw them just as they are in the freezer and you will be ready at a moments notice to surprise your family with something yummy!
Love you all!
Same old ~ same old.
Mundane madness....food, clean up, food, clean up, food, clean up interspersed with laundry, phone calls, errands, household tasks, etc etc
Just makes you want to get back in bed doesn't it!
Today why not "shake it up".
Do something out of the ordinary. Bake some banana bread and take it to the neighbor along with some pictures that the kids have drawn. Spread some blessings!!
I have the ABSOLUTE BEST Banana Bread Recipe It can be whipped up in minutes and any neighbor would find it a real treat!
Cream 1 stick butter with 1 cup sugar.
Add an egg continue to beat
Throw in 3 very ripe bananas (mash them first if you do not have a strong mixer)
Add 1 and half cups of flour plus 1 tsp of baking soda
Pour into a greased loaf pan or it will make 2-3 of the little loaf pans (so you can spread the warmth even further!)
Bake about 45-50 mins for a regular loaf pan..
Delish!
PS I find bananas on the markdown rack for around 20 cents a lb. Buy some and if they are good and black (Yes!!! don't you dare throw those ugly looking things out!) throw them just as they are in the freezer and you will be ready at a moments notice to surprise your family with something yummy!
Love you all!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Bullies
What would you do if your son went down the street to go see if kids could play- and those kids were beating on your kid (leaving marks on his face) and swearing at him calling him an f'in A. And you found out that in self defense, your kid tackled the kid and used a swear word back (but didn't use it successfully or have it make any kind of sense) but he came home all beat up.... what would you do
I read this on a facebook page of a friend.
How sad, but we must remember bullies have been around since the beginning of time.
Bullying is a form of aggressive behavior, which may manifest as abusive treatment, the use of force or coercion to affect others,[2] particularly when habitual and involving an imbalance of power. It may involve verbal harassment, physical assault or coercion and may be directed persistently towards particular victims, perhaps on grounds of race, religion, gender, sexuality, or ability.[3][4]The "imbalance of power" may be social power and/or physical power. The victim of bullying is sometimes referred to as a "target."A person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people
I read this on a facebook page of a friend.
How sad, but we must remember bullies have been around since the beginning of time.
Bullying is a form of aggressive behavior, which may manifest as abusive treatment, the use of force or coercion to affect others,[2] particularly when habitual and involving an imbalance of power. It may involve verbal harassment, physical assault or coercion and may be directed persistently towards particular victims, perhaps on grounds of race, religion, gender, sexuality, or ability.[3][4]The "imbalance of power" may be social power and/or physical power. The victim of bullying is sometimes referred to as a "target."A person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people
Bullying consists of three basic types of abuse – emotional, verbal, and physical. It typically involves subtle methods of coercion such as intimidation.
When this happened in my yard I would simply go out and deal with it.. I spoke to both of the children and rarely did I have to call a parent. This situation above is different. The children are out of the yard with no adult witnesses. In this case I would have my husband go to the parents of the offender(s). He should go in peace with the intention to just let the parents know what has gone on. After that the real work begins as you take the TIME to talk it all through with your child. We do not want to have children who walk the hallways or streets afraid.
When this happened in my yard I would simply go out and deal with it.. I spoke to both of the children and rarely did I have to call a parent. This situation above is different. The children are out of the yard with no adult witnesses. In this case I would have my husband go to the parents of the offender(s). He should go in peace with the intention to just let the parents know what has gone on. After that the real work begins as you take the TIME to talk it all through with your child. We do not want to have children who walk the hallways or streets afraid.
NOW lets say that it is your child that is the bully.......DEAL WITH IT! Nip it in the bud! Strike hard and fast! Let you child know that under NO circumstance are they going to be allowed to pick on someone for ANY reason. If need be bring in counsel. ....Have your child apologize to the child and the parent and also have a punishment leveled at home as well. Check in with the school to make sure that your child is behaving. Talk to the guidance counselor.
This type of situation must not be ignored or overlooked.. Parents please do not turn your head the other way concerning either situation.
Let's teach our kids how to be kind and stick up for the underdog.
This summer I got the American Girl's Movie "Charissa takes Courage." It is excellent !! I would recommend it to all young families using it as a spring board for a great discussion
Blessings!
This type of situation must not be ignored or overlooked.. Parents please do not turn your head the other way concerning either situation.
Let's teach our kids how to be kind and stick up for the underdog.
This summer I got the American Girl's Movie "Charissa takes Courage." It is excellent !! I would recommend it to all young families using it as a spring board for a great discussion
Blessings!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
The Family Bed
A reader writes: I would like to know your thoughts on the
"family bed" pros, cons, issues, cut off time etc.
I will admit that I have not done research on this but am more than
When the toddler is able to crawl out of the crib it is probably time to set up a “big boy/girl bed” These beds need to be introduced with excitement and lots of conversation. “Johnny, tonite you are going to sleep in your new bed. I got you this new teddy to keep you company while you sleep and also see the night light? That will come on when it gets dark. We will see you in the morning and I will come in and kiss you on my way to bed.”
I believe that babies should have their cribs and children their beds. You should make your child’s bed a warm and comfortable place. A top and bottom sheet should be on the bed along with a blanket or two depending on the weather. (If your child is a bed wetter be sure that he/she is sleeping on a rubber backed sheet so that you are not having to strip a bed in the middle of the night.)
A good pillow with a clean pillowcase should top it off. The pillowcase should be changed at least weekly and the sheets every two weeks if the child bathes on a regular basis.
I realize I have drifted off the main subject but I guess in my mind sleeping with my children on a regular basis was simply not an option. If it has become the norm in your home and you don’t like it anymore you are simply going to have to set a new rule, draw a new boundary and make yourself clear to your child. “Katie, I know that you have been sleeping with me for quite a while now but we have decided it is time for you to be back in your own bed now.” Mean what you say and say what you mean.
Even today my bed is important to me. It makes the difference in how I rest.
"family bed" pros, cons, issues, cut off time etc.
I will admit that I have not done research on this but am more than
willing to share my thoughts.
My personal definition of the "family bed" is: a safe, warm place where you can go to snuggle, be read to, watch a show with mom and dad and/or talk. It is a Saturday morning type of place.
Even though I breast fed all my children and there were admittedly times that I fell asleep with the baby between us in bed, I do not believe that it should be the norm. Not only are babies unable to free themselves from tight and confined places, I know I never slept well as I was so aware of the little ones protection. It is also important to realize not everyone might be this conscious in their sleep. When the toddler is able to crawl out of the crib it is probably time to set up a “big boy/girl bed” These beds need to be introduced with excitement and lots of conversation. “Johnny, tonite you are going to sleep in your new bed. I got you this new teddy to keep you company while you sleep and also see the night light? That will come on when it gets dark. We will see you in the morning and I will come in and kiss you on my way to bed.”
I believe that babies should have their cribs and children their beds. You should make your child’s bed a warm and comfortable place. A top and bottom sheet should be on the bed along with a blanket or two depending on the weather. (If your child is a bed wetter be sure that he/she is sleeping on a rubber backed sheet so that you are not having to strip a bed in the middle of the night.)
A good pillow with a clean pillowcase should top it off. The pillowcase should be changed at least weekly and the sheets every two weeks if the child bathes on a regular basis.
I realize I have drifted off the main subject but I guess in my mind sleeping with my children on a regular basis was simply not an option. If it has become the norm in your home and you don’t like it anymore you are simply going to have to set a new rule, draw a new boundary and make yourself clear to your child. “Katie, I know that you have been sleeping with me for quite a while now but we have decided it is time for you to be back in your own bed now.” Mean what you say and say what you mean.
Even today my bed is important to me. It makes the difference in how I rest.
Again, I welcome questions and am more than willing to hold a personal dialog with you concerning this or any other question.
Sleep well friend!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Ambiance
It's that time of year again!
Today the rain drizzled all day.
At the last minute I had company for dinner.
I ran to the market
Lit some candles
Made sure the bathroom was in good condition
Set the table
and cooked
I love fall, which is a miracle if you knew the work that these months hold for me
There is just something cozy about this kind of day.
Is your home a "nest"
Does it have ambiance?
Can you make it cozy?
Before the kids get home from school or your husband walks thru the door
straighten up your "living" rooms
Have something good smelling cooking
Light a candle and put on some music.
Bring some cozy into your home.
This may not be able to happen over night
But you CAN make it happen.
You don't need to have alot of money or things
Love and hugging arms
create a great beginning!
If you need further ideas or instruction just drop me a line
my brain never runs out of ideas!
Happy Fall!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Teething....
Poor baby!
Chewing on everything, drooling all day long.
There is really no way of knowing when those first little teeth will break the surface. My babies all were around 10 months which is thought to be quite late. I have seen babies pop a tooth as early as 8-10 weeks old!
Please beware of some symptoms that can accompany teething. Acidic smelling diarrhea, sore red bottom and a low fever. I have seen it over and over again and I have also heard and read from Doctors that these symptoms have nothing to do with teething.! Then why, may I ask them, do the symptoms go away as soon as the tooth break the surface?
Granted it may not affect 100% of all babies this way but I do believe it is quite common.
Providing something that they can chew on is good (other than the breast :( ) is a good thing. Keep a bib on the baby and change it often and that will help with the laundry and change the diaper as soon as there is any evidence . A cold cloth to chew on or a teething toy is good plus a low dose of baby pain reliever will help get you over the hump.
Mom it won't last forever.... Make sure YOU get your rest so that you can help your child endure the discomfort with out adding your irritation/frustration.
You are doing a good job!
Blessings!
PS I found that on the few times I was "bit" while nursing that a quick reaction and tap on the thigh was enough to stop the biting from becoming a habit. Not pleasant for anyone!
Chewing on everything, drooling all day long.
There is really no way of knowing when those first little teeth will break the surface. My babies all were around 10 months which is thought to be quite late. I have seen babies pop a tooth as early as 8-10 weeks old!
Please beware of some symptoms that can accompany teething. Acidic smelling diarrhea, sore red bottom and a low fever. I have seen it over and over again and I have also heard and read from Doctors that these symptoms have nothing to do with teething.! Then why, may I ask them, do the symptoms go away as soon as the tooth break the surface?
Granted it may not affect 100% of all babies this way but I do believe it is quite common.
Providing something that they can chew on is good (other than the breast :( ) is a good thing. Keep a bib on the baby and change it often and that will help with the laundry and change the diaper as soon as there is any evidence . A cold cloth to chew on or a teething toy is good plus a low dose of baby pain reliever will help get you over the hump.
Mom it won't last forever.... Make sure YOU get your rest so that you can help your child endure the discomfort with out adding your irritation/frustration.
You are doing a good job!
Blessings!
PS I found that on the few times I was "bit" while nursing that a quick reaction and tap on the thigh was enough to stop the biting from becoming a habit. Not pleasant for anyone!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Children and Toys
Do yourself a favor....
Notice that a 2 year old plays totally differently with toys than a 3 year old. I had the privilege of helping pick up after a 2 year old today. The room was all clean and within minutes the book case was emptied and the various containers holding blocks and play food etc were strewn across the room. That is what 2 year olds do. They like to "dump and strew". They can play with blocks for a few minutes and then their little hands just start to push and scatter, knocking down everything in sight.
My suggestion to moms of toddlers is to put "messy" toys up out of reach so that they can be gotten with assistance and picked up before the next toy is taken out. Realize also that toddlers are not "into" toys so make it easy on your pocketbook when it comes to birthdays and Christmas. They need bigger things that are good for large motor skills. Stuffed animals, a dryer box to play in, dolls etc.
After 3 years of age you will find that the fine motor skill will start to develop. Matchbox cars will become an interest. Smaller blocks and puzzle pieces will not be so frustrating. Children will learn to play by themselves better and their imaginations will start to grow. You will be able to direct and reason with your child alot easier at these ages and they will be able to pick up much better by themselves. Still, watch and take note of what toys are working and what are not.
Don't feel like you cannot return a toy if it is being overlooked or not going to be of interest to the child (they are too expensive to just be kicked around a broken) or perhaps you would just stash it away for a later time. Remember the suggestion about a box of "rainy day" toys to be gotten out when you have depleted all of your resources. Also keeping a box of toys in the attic and switching them out every 4-6 months really works well too.
Have fun! Do yourself a favor if these "little" pieces are driving you crazy and just collect them and put them away for another time.
Blessings!
Notice that a 2 year old plays totally differently with toys than a 3 year old. I had the privilege of helping pick up after a 2 year old today. The room was all clean and within minutes the book case was emptied and the various containers holding blocks and play food etc were strewn across the room. That is what 2 year olds do. They like to "dump and strew". They can play with blocks for a few minutes and then their little hands just start to push and scatter, knocking down everything in sight.
My suggestion to moms of toddlers is to put "messy" toys up out of reach so that they can be gotten with assistance and picked up before the next toy is taken out. Realize also that toddlers are not "into" toys so make it easy on your pocketbook when it comes to birthdays and Christmas. They need bigger things that are good for large motor skills. Stuffed animals, a dryer box to play in, dolls etc.
After 3 years of age you will find that the fine motor skill will start to develop. Matchbox cars will become an interest. Smaller blocks and puzzle pieces will not be so frustrating. Children will learn to play by themselves better and their imaginations will start to grow. You will be able to direct and reason with your child alot easier at these ages and they will be able to pick up much better by themselves. Still, watch and take note of what toys are working and what are not.
Don't feel like you cannot return a toy if it is being overlooked or not going to be of interest to the child (they are too expensive to just be kicked around a broken) or perhaps you would just stash it away for a later time. Remember the suggestion about a box of "rainy day" toys to be gotten out when you have depleted all of your resources. Also keeping a box of toys in the attic and switching them out every 4-6 months really works well too.
Have fun! Do yourself a favor if these "little" pieces are driving you crazy and just collect them and put them away for another time.
Blessings!
Monday, October 10, 2011
Practice Makes Perfect
Years ago I attended a Family Homeschool Camp for a week. IT WAS WONDERFUL!
One day as some of the moms sat out under the trees talking, a young mom spoke to me about how her little one just ignored her when she called and how frustrating it was. Her little girl, around 3 was playing with children within viewing distance.
I told her that she was being given a perfect opportunity to work on the behavior. I suggested that she call her daughter right then. "Brittany, come here please" Brittany looked up but continued to play. She called again. No one came. I then encouraged her to go and get her. She did and brought her back to where we were sitting and spoke at length to her about coming when called. She had her little one sit with her for 5 minutes or so, again reminded her to come when called and let her go. About 20 minutes later we went thru the whole process again. After an afternoon of practice Brittany's behavior changed. She came when called.
Now...... this is wonderful but you MUST be consistent or you will lose any progress immediately. It will truly be worth it in the long run. Just mean what you say.
During our week of summer Cousin Camp, one of the rules is "to come when you are called" I follow this very strictly. While having a bunch of little ones in my care, I feel it mandatory that they come when called ~ the FIRST TIME~. It is the only rule that can break our Primary Rule of *Ice cream everyday*
Yes a couple of campers have gone without ice cream for a day but I assure you it only happened once~
Parents~ MEAN WHAT YOU SAY! Sat what you mean!
Blessings!
One day as some of the moms sat out under the trees talking, a young mom spoke to me about how her little one just ignored her when she called and how frustrating it was. Her little girl, around 3 was playing with children within viewing distance.
I told her that she was being given a perfect opportunity to work on the behavior. I suggested that she call her daughter right then. "Brittany, come here please" Brittany looked up but continued to play. She called again. No one came. I then encouraged her to go and get her. She did and brought her back to where we were sitting and spoke at length to her about coming when called. She had her little one sit with her for 5 minutes or so, again reminded her to come when called and let her go. About 20 minutes later we went thru the whole process again. After an afternoon of practice Brittany's behavior changed. She came when called.
Now...... this is wonderful but you MUST be consistent or you will lose any progress immediately. It will truly be worth it in the long run. Just mean what you say.
During our week of summer Cousin Camp, one of the rules is "to come when you are called" I follow this very strictly. While having a bunch of little ones in my care, I feel it mandatory that they come when called ~ the FIRST TIME~. It is the only rule that can break our Primary Rule of *Ice cream everyday*
Yes a couple of campers have gone without ice cream for a day but I assure you it only happened once~
Parents~ MEAN WHAT YOU SAY! Sat what you mean!
Blessings!
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Language and Speech
I feel prompted to write this because of all the babies I see trying to learn to talk around a pacifier*.
It does not work.
I took elocution lessons growing up and I can see many areas where it has helped me. Not only being able to speak in front of people but also the ability to get a message across with clarity and understanding.
Pronunciation and wordage is important in this society even though it is being used less and less correctly. When children are around 15 months they should, on the average, have at least 15 words that they are using properly. I've seen children who have a whole vocabulary at this age and others who are still making more noise than anything else.
As parents we need to be aware of this. Our ears often become accustomed to our child's language as we understand them and thus do not correct them on their words. Start today to listen afresh as to how your little one is talking. Is he/she speaking clearly? If not take them on your lap and have them look at your mouth as you speak the words and then have them repeat. Pick one or two words a day to work on by asking them thru-out their play time how to say certain things.
A tape recorder is good for this as well where you can make a tape of words that they can repeat after you. This is also a great time to begin to use flash cards teaching colors, shapes etc. Introduce a new card or two after they have the first 4-5 memorized.
This really is important. The earlier that you catch and work on these language skills the better. The older the child the harder to break the habits of incorrect speech.
I also believe it is best not to teach a toddler any other language until he has a good grasp of the English language* It is just too confusing for little minds to decipher between all the words and meanings at such a young age.
*Personally I feel the pacifier should be gone at 2 and between the ages of 1 and 2 should be kept in the crib for nap times alone. It is like anything else. You just need to put your mind to it, spend the couple of uncomfortable days and rid the house of them. Perhaps you could replace it with a small new stuffed animal or something to lessen the "sting" of the ajustment.
* If the family is bilingual the child should just do fine as he hears both languages being spoken interchangeably.
Blessings!
It does not work.
I took elocution lessons growing up and I can see many areas where it has helped me. Not only being able to speak in front of people but also the ability to get a message across with clarity and understanding.
Pronunciation and wordage is important in this society even though it is being used less and less correctly. When children are around 15 months they should, on the average, have at least 15 words that they are using properly. I've seen children who have a whole vocabulary at this age and others who are still making more noise than anything else.
As parents we need to be aware of this. Our ears often become accustomed to our child's language as we understand them and thus do not correct them on their words. Start today to listen afresh as to how your little one is talking. Is he/she speaking clearly? If not take them on your lap and have them look at your mouth as you speak the words and then have them repeat. Pick one or two words a day to work on by asking them thru-out their play time how to say certain things.
A tape recorder is good for this as well where you can make a tape of words that they can repeat after you. This is also a great time to begin to use flash cards teaching colors, shapes etc. Introduce a new card or two after they have the first 4-5 memorized.
This really is important. The earlier that you catch and work on these language skills the better. The older the child the harder to break the habits of incorrect speech.
I also believe it is best not to teach a toddler any other language until he has a good grasp of the English language* It is just too confusing for little minds to decipher between all the words and meanings at such a young age.
*Personally I feel the pacifier should be gone at 2 and between the ages of 1 and 2 should be kept in the crib for nap times alone. It is like anything else. You just need to put your mind to it, spend the couple of uncomfortable days and rid the house of them. Perhaps you could replace it with a small new stuffed animal or something to lessen the "sting" of the ajustment.
* If the family is bilingual the child should just do fine as he hears both languages being spoken interchangeably.
Blessings!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
I'm SORRY!
Friends, I have written the same blog for my "Musings with Marnie"
and this Parenting/Family Blog. (Please forgive me :) if you have
received this twice.) I feel that it is important.
and this Parenting/Family Blog. (Please forgive me :) if you have
received this twice.) I feel that it is important.
Parents please work with your family/children on this most important
tool....It WILL make a difference in their life for years to come. It
may take time in the beginning to work that stubbornness out but
with patience and practice it will come easier. Don't overlook it.
tool....It WILL make a difference in their life for years to come. It
may take time in the beginning to work that stubbornness out but
with patience and practice it will come easier. Don't overlook it.
I appreciate you all!
Remember dealing with your child when they needed to say that
they were sorry? They have pinched someone, taken a toy, tattled
etc and you have stepped in and said "Now say you're sorry to
your brother" It's amazing how hard that word is to say. Many a
child has had to be punished simply because they would not
follow through with this word, the gaze goes down, the feet
shuffle and stubbornness comes to the surface.
child has had to be punished simply because they would not
follow through with this word, the gaze goes down, the feet
shuffle and stubbornness comes to the surface.
So interesting.
And then after threat upon threat they FINALLY say
"I'm SORRY !" You can hear it can't you? A two word
sentence filled with rebellion. It's that "I may be sitting
down but I'm standing up on the inside~ type thing."
Sooooo how you doing with this word in your life now?
Now that you are grown are you able to say it easier? Have
you ever actually let yourself feel sorry? Has your heart ever
hurt because you have caused someone pain or discomfort?
Are you able to own it?
Get in front of a mirror and say it....."I'm sorry" Practice it
until it flows easier. Perhaps you need to actually say you're
sorry to yourself for things that you have allowed into your
life and choices that have landed you where you are. Start
there first....Forgive yourself don't be caught off guard if
you cry, its totally alright.
When dealing with children I have tried to teach that there
are three other words that are of equal importance as well
and that is "I forgive you" I feel these words need to be said
to "tie up the deal" If the other person does not say anything
you might prompt them by saying "Can you forgive me?"
Be prepared...if they hesitate or say no perhaps the
wound is deeper than you realized. DON'T become irritated
and or frustrated . You have taken time to get to the place to
say it , let them have some time as well. God will give you
the grace to be gracious. Simply say it again and tell them you
will be praying that they can find it in their heart to forgive you.
Friends there is SUCH HEALING in these words. Healing if
the words are said with feeling and remorse and salt if they
are not.
I think that we should look for places and situations where
we can say we are sorry. I think that it makes the ground
fertile between two people. Loosen up, if this blog has riled
you ...if you dare, look at the reason why.
Beloved you have been forgiven much, allow the Lord to
work this into you. It has the power to open closed doors
and build bridges where there are none.
Well done good and faithful servant!
Blessings!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
A Word on Twins.
Now I have never mothered twins, but I do have a couple cautions that I would like to share with the parents or relatives of twins.
1. The children are different! They may look very much alike BUT they have their very own personalities, quirks and issues. Please treat them individually.
2. When one does something the other one does not have to follow suit. Please treat your children as singular people. Do not double them up on everything. If one plays the piano don't insist that the other one do the same. If one goes to play at a friend's house don't insist that the other be invited as well.
3. Birthdays and Gift giving time.
Make it individual again! PLEASE don't get them each the very same toys, clothing, books etc etc etc. Let them learn. Let them have the experience of seeing their twin get something different than they. Let them have their won identity, choices and friends.
Dress them alike for a while, if you desire, but even that I would not carry far into their child hood. Again treat them as individuals. It will not take away from their special bond but will help them to become their own personality.!
Just my opinion!
Blessings!
Friends....I would LOVE to come to your home to speak about parenting issues. If you would gather some of your friends, with children close to the same age as yours, I would count it a privilege to spend time with you listening and talking thru any and all parenting issues. Also, if you would prefer I would be more than welcome to open up Gilead's Balm for your get together so you could leave your little ones at home with a sitter or Dad and have a night out. Just email me at marnie.gileadsbalm@gmail.com
1. The children are different! They may look very much alike BUT they have their very own personalities, quirks and issues. Please treat them individually.
2. When one does something the other one does not have to follow suit. Please treat your children as singular people. Do not double them up on everything. If one plays the piano don't insist that the other one do the same. If one goes to play at a friend's house don't insist that the other be invited as well.
3. Birthdays and Gift giving time.
Make it individual again! PLEASE don't get them each the very same toys, clothing, books etc etc etc. Let them learn. Let them have the experience of seeing their twin get something different than they. Let them have their won identity, choices and friends.
Dress them alike for a while, if you desire, but even that I would not carry far into their child hood. Again treat them as individuals. It will not take away from their special bond but will help them to become their own personality.!
Just my opinion!
Blessings!
Friends....I would LOVE to come to your home to speak about parenting issues. If you would gather some of your friends, with children close to the same age as yours, I would count it a privilege to spend time with you listening and talking thru any and all parenting issues. Also, if you would prefer I would be more than welcome to open up Gilead's Balm for your get together so you could leave your little ones at home with a sitter or Dad and have a night out. Just email me at marnie.gileadsbalm@gmail.com
Sunday, October 2, 2011
A reader writes: "my seven year old will call me stupid, idiot and or fat at will. His
anger can escalate in an instant over nothing. What is going on? This has been
a problem since spring. BTW he behaves wonderful in public."
Well first things first.
Thank God He behaves in public!!!!
That saves some of the embarrassment!
Because I have never been around this child or his family I can only give "basic" counsel.
I see that he has lived to be 7, making me believe he has not always been this way. (smile)
First I would make sure that the mom does not feel these words describe her in any fashion.
If there is even a twinge of truth here I want to remind her that she is the child's MOM and
there is NEVER any reason for this type of disrespect to come from a child.. on ANY level.
I would also ask where the dad is in the scenario. I would hope involved. If the child does it when the dad is not present the mom should speak to her husband about it and have him
come in on the discipline. Children need to be taught to respect and it goes much
easier if both parents are on the same page.
Some day soon take this young man aside to talk. Go for a walk or a ride together so that you will have his undivided attention. This needs to be done when everything is calm,
maybe even over a treat of some kind.
When you are alone with him tell him you have been very bothered by his behavior, speak
about recent scenes and or behaviors that have been unacceptable.
Talk to him about respect. Find a good book at the library on the subject.
After you know that he understands what you are talking about let him know that he is
not going to be allowed to speak that way or act that way anymore. Let him know firmly
and clearly what the consequences will be if he continues.
He may have a game or favorite show that can be subtracted from his life or perhaps an
earlier bedtime would get his attention or even a chore that he must do. But whatever it
is it needs to be something that will make an impact..(Don't send him to his room full of
toys)
At 7 years old he is still testing boundaries. If he is in the public school system there is a
chance he is hearing alot that he may not have seen or heard at home.
Take care of it fast. Clamp down hard. I just pray that you and your husband will stand
firmly together to guide this young man in the way that he should go.
I am willing to talk with you one on one if you would like.
WIN~
Blessings!
anger can escalate in an instant over nothing. What is going on? This has been
a problem since spring. BTW he behaves wonderful in public."
Well first things first.
Thank God He behaves in public!!!!
That saves some of the embarrassment!
Because I have never been around this child or his family I can only give "basic" counsel.
I see that he has lived to be 7, making me believe he has not always been this way. (smile)
First I would make sure that the mom does not feel these words describe her in any fashion.
If there is even a twinge of truth here I want to remind her that she is the child's MOM and
there is NEVER any reason for this type of disrespect to come from a child.. on ANY level.
I would also ask where the dad is in the scenario. I would hope involved. If the child does it when the dad is not present the mom should speak to her husband about it and have him
come in on the discipline. Children need to be taught to respect and it goes much
easier if both parents are on the same page.
Some day soon take this young man aside to talk. Go for a walk or a ride together so that you will have his undivided attention. This needs to be done when everything is calm,
maybe even over a treat of some kind.
When you are alone with him tell him you have been very bothered by his behavior, speak
about recent scenes and or behaviors that have been unacceptable.
Talk to him about respect. Find a good book at the library on the subject.
After you know that he understands what you are talking about let him know that he is
not going to be allowed to speak that way or act that way anymore. Let him know firmly
and clearly what the consequences will be if he continues.
He may have a game or favorite show that can be subtracted from his life or perhaps an
earlier bedtime would get his attention or even a chore that he must do. But whatever it
is it needs to be something that will make an impact..(Don't send him to his room full of
toys)
At 7 years old he is still testing boundaries. If he is in the public school system there is a
chance he is hearing alot that he may not have seen or heard at home.
Take care of it fast. Clamp down hard. I just pray that you and your husband will stand
firmly together to guide this young man in the way that he should go.
I am willing to talk with you one on one if you would like.
WIN~
Blessings!
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