One More L O N G Day

Does this title speak a thousand words or what? Even though it may be made up of different things for different people..we ALL know what it means and the dread that it sometimes can conjure up.

When my children were small (my first 8 came in 8 years) I remember sitting on the side of my bed and saying under my breath to God "Please don't make me go out there!I just don't think that I can do it another day...." My husband ran a tree service and I would think about how he and his crew could take a tree down, rake it up and drive away ..never to have it reappear. Moms and homemakers ~ HA!! ..the same dishes AGAIN... the laundry AGAIN ... the meals AGAIN... the toys AGAIN... the cleaning, the mopping, the runny noses.. etc etc etc. (I surely hope I have not put any of you over the edge seeing this in writing!) I used to think that a somewhat trained ape could accomplish the "mounds of mundane" that I faced daily.

LADIES or (Mr Moms) ~ It is NOT TRUE! Every little detail is being noted by Someone. None of it is going to waste. Your energies, your diligence, your loyalty to life and your family in making an immense impact on those within your home. You are erecting a foundation that your family will build on for their whole lives.

Don't give up! Don't despair! This IS a season and things WILL change.
So I give to you the words that the Lord whispered to me that morning. "Marnie, just start..."

Yes, just begin. Do what you find to do. Follow through, stay involved and interested. I beg you, don't check out thinking the commitment it too long. It will be just long enough.

Words from the scriptures became dear to me at that time in my life:
" In your weakness HE will be your strength" "His grace is sufficient for you" He will make a way where there seems to be no way" "Nothing is too difficult for God"

Hold on ... wait on Him, trust, and spring will come. The season will change. The time of singing birds is near.

Bless you all.

One More L O N G Day

Does this title speak a thousand words or what? Even though it may be made up of different things for different people..we ALL know what it means and the dread that it sometimes can conjure up.

When my children were small (my first 8 came in 8 years) I remember sitting on the side of my bed and saying under my breath to God "Please don't make me go out there!I just don't think that I can do it another day...." My husband ran a tree service and I would think about how he and his crew could take a tree down, rake it up and drive away ..never to have it reappear. Moms and homemakers ~ HA!! ..the same dishes AGAIN... the laundry AGAIN ... the meals AGAIN... the toys AGAIN... the cleaning, the mopping, the runny noses.. etc etc etc. (I surely hope I have not put any of you over the edge seeing this in writing!) I used to think that a somewhat trained ape could accomplish the "mounds of mundane" that I faced daily.

LADIES or (Mr Moms) ~ It is NOT TRUE! Every little detail is being noted by Someone. None of it is going to waste. Your energies, your diligence, your loyalty to life and your family in making an immense impact on those within your home. You are erecting a foundation that your family will build on for their whole lives.

Don't give up! Don't despair! This IS a season and things WILL change.
So I give to you the words that the Lord whispered to me that morning. "Marnie, just start..."

Yes, just begin. Do what you find to do. Follow through, stay involved and interested. I beg you, don't check out thinking the commitment it too long. It will be just long enough.

Words from the scriptures became dear to me at that time in my life:
" In your weakness HE will be your strength" "His grace is sufficient for you" He will make a way where there seems to be no way" "Nothing is too difficult for God"

Hold on ... wait on Him, trust, and spring will come. The season will change. The time of singing birds is near.

Bless you all.

BEEN THINKING

I was having a chat with my daughter the other day about movies. Don't you just LOVE those chick flicks?? They can be addicting. Women, ladies and girls love all the romance, kissing, sweet bantering and honey! It seems we can't get enough!

I was suggesting to my daughter that as much as we love these "feel good" movies we need to be very wise and careful that we do not become desensitized to the lack of morality that many of them pose. You must admit that the huge percentage of this type of movie portray the couple having sex almost immediately in the relationship. It would seem that the "old" rule of waiting till marriage just does not apply anymore or at the very least is out dated!

Thus the conversation continued something like this:

"It's kind of like frosting. We love the looks, the decoration, and the sweetness. It satisfies our senses. It is gooey and sugary. It is down right Yummy! But unfortunately, all too soon, the frosting comes to an end and all we are left with is cake. Ugh! But I don't like carrot cake!!
We are now dissatisfied. We are thinking constantly about the "cake" that is at home and how it just does not satisfy..it is not yummy and sweet anymore. It is only a matter of time before, during our normal routine, we notice some nice looking frosting; might be at the grocery store, Home Depot, work or the coffee shoppe. Looks good, we knows it tastes good (we've had it before) and we need to be fulfilled....so we dive in ... aah the memories...the same tingles, phone calls, texts, notes, flowers etc etc etc loving it all and denying ourselves nothing until we again reach the CAKE...oh no it's spice cake....we don't care for spice cake!!

Am I making any sense ladies? Are you following me? We must decide FIRST what kind of cake we like!! That is what we will have to live with!

My daughter at once realized that this picture story was about the majority of girls at her school. Jumping from guy to guy, one after another, always looking for the sugar high of frosting. Reaching cake...they start all over again on and on never to be truly satisfied.

Ladies, what are we looking for? Talk to your daughters or better yet talk to yourselves! Let's become and raise women of substance who choose to go the distance and not be satisfied with a sprint in a relationship.

Taking the Time

I had a short conversation today with a friend about a talk that she had with her son last nite....It got me thinking.

We are living in such a busy society. There is never any time.... Well let's put it another way...There is No time to do anything... else..out of the ordinary.. intentional.

OK Marnie what are you getting at?

I'm talking about taking time to talk to your children/child.

Have you ever noticed that many times days go by without any REAL TALK taking place in the family? The kind of talk that is stimulating...back and forth...two people sharing thoughts and questions? This is where learning takes place, where relationships grow, where memories are made.

This mom shared that a conversation had started in the car and later she invited her son into the hot tub (which he first said no to and then showed up with his bathing suit on!) and how the conversation went into a long discussion about sex. This guy was almost 12 and had a TON of wrong facts. She was able to answer his questions, ask questions and listen in a very non threatening and easy atmosphere.

Rarely do these moments appear by themselves. We need to create an atmosphere for talking and sharing. Children, and adults for that matter, many times need to warm up to the idea.

Offering a cup of tea or hot chocolate at the table can be an opening. Playing a board game or taking a walk work well also. Inviting your child to take a drive with you...etc You get the idea. Get creative. Take the time. In years to come you will wish that you had.

Give it a try you may find some interesting things out about your child.

Blessings
Marnie

Just LOVE Them!

Just finished cleaning up after serving a big spaghetti dinner to my family. My son is visiting from out of town and I decided to invite a few of the kids over that hadn't seen him yet. There were actually only 8 of us...but delightful all the same.

It does not matter how old or young a person is....they just need lovin'

A touch of the hand, a hug and kiss, an encouraging word...personal stuff ~ All things that are so often overlooked in this busy life of ours.

Moms, lets be intentional today! 

Hug all the kids....

Sit down with them and chat. 

Play a game together. 

Go out for ice cream or better yet pick apples.

Cuddle chase and tickle. 

Life is all to serious and sometimes it just sucks up all the joy and pleasure.

No one is more fortunate than you. You live in America, you have a roof over your head and some food in the fridge. 

Lets look at the blessings and just be thankful.

You are all blessings to me
See the back log of blogs at
http://marniesparentingfamilyblog.blogspot.com. and a daily devotional atwww.musingswithmarnie.blogspot.com.

 

Blessings
Marnie
www.comeinandrest.com

Just get them through it...

I had the opportunity of meeting a new friend this weekend. She was telling me of the advise she has been given on getting her child through the teenage years.

These well meaning ladies have said:

Let them drink as long as they don't drive.

They can sleep around as long as there is no pregnancy.

Cheating is not so bad if they don't get caught.

If they're disrespectful they are learning to use their voice
and on and on...

THIS IS NOT CORRECT THINKING!
Moms you have a very important and serious job and it is WAY MORE THAN JUST GETTING THROUGH THE TEEN YEARS

We are training future adults, citizens, parents, and leaders. Discipline is key to training your children to be a vital part of society.
In past blogs I have talked about when there is an absence of parental involvement someone or something IS parenting your child. The television, music, peers, computer, games etc all have vital roles in your child's life....

Are you keeping track of what your kids are being taught ?

Are these true statements?
Its ok to drink
Its ok to spend all your money
Its ok to be disrespectful
Its ok to ignore authority
Its ok to be sexually active
etc

Are we just biding time.... waiting to pawn them off on someone or something else?

Take the reigns back...Read some good books and begin to train your child. It will be worth it and the world will say thank you.

Blessings
Marnie
www.comeinandrest.com

PS  I am going to be offering parenting classes and discussions at my house if you are interested please drop me an email!  marnie.gileadsbalm@gmail.com

The OnLookers

What will they think???

Have you ever noticed how often we have a "crowd of witnesses" when we are disciplining our children!
It has been something that has been standing out to me lately.

The parent needs to discipline for something and when there are people around the scene. Often the situation becomes a comedy routine for the onlookers. The parent roll their eyes, say sarcastic things,(directed to the audience in ear shot) while always looking to see how they are being perceived.
The child feels like he/she is on center stage and many times can feel embarrassed, belittled and confused about what is happening.

THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO DO IT.

It is not difficult to remove the child from the onlookers, to step away into a more private setting where the child can have your undivided attention and you can have theirs.

"Johnny, Stop bugging that dog!" (parent looks around) smirks, makes a wise comment
"that dog is just going to chew your hand off if you don't stop...You're going to be dog food boy" hey hey
Johnny either watches the "show" that you are putting on for the crowd... OR he ignores you because he does not feel you are talking directly to him.

SIMPLY take Johnnie by the hand and walk away, behind a car, tree or go to another room. There take a few minutes to tell your son of your concern and that you are asking him to stop. You may need to tell the consequences of not stopping depending on your child. This needs to be eye to eye with a "Do you understand?" at the end.
Ask him to repeat what you have said and go back to what you were doing.

I want to let you know it does not look funny (although you may get some of the crowd to laugh) or mature when you put an act on for others. Most can see through what's going on: that you don't have a real grip on disciplining your child.

Discipline your child in the most private setting that you can find at the moment. I have taken children to the car and even into a corner of the room. Make sure that you get on their level and that they fully understand what you are asking. Get up close and personal and stay private! Keep you voice low.

This will tweak the whole process and you will see your child take you more seriously when the time comes.

It's all part of the job!!
Blessings

To Simplify or not to Simplify That is the Question

Simplify WHAT???

I know for a fact that we still have 7 days in a week that STILL consist of 24 hours each with 60 minutes in each hour etc... Can anyone confirm this for me?

My dear friend Jan gave me a sign that says "Once upon a time there was time..."

OK so where does time go?? Where does time hide?? How come it seems different now than years ago?
I refuse to believe that it is because I am old that time seems to pass so fast..even my children feel it buzzing by in fact they started school just yesterday and progress reports are due to come out tomorrow!!!

Is there a time thief??
What does he look like? Where does he hide? How does he operate?

What do terms like "sieze the day", redeem the hour make the day count...really mean? How do we pull this off?

Who is going to capture our time and bring it back to us?

Well, I feel confident to say that we are the only ones who can and are responsible for getting a hold of time.

I think that it has to do with being intentional. Thinking it through.... making a plan.
What are the "have tos" that will need to be done tomorrow. Write them down...Then how about listing the "would be wonderful ifs" down and then write a few whimsical "it would be a miracle if" at the end of the list.

Determine not to be side tracked. Tell yourself that you are not going to have lunch until a certain thing is accomplished. Have that second cup of coffee when the last of the laundry in put away. Determine to have the kitchen sink empty before dinner and then after as well.

You will be so proud of yourself! I will be proud of you!
Great job....When the day is done congratulate yourself and start the list for tomorrow. You will be amazed at what you can accomplish!
Remember,as well, that it is not ALL about "Doing" Call a faraway friend. Send out a card to someone. Leave a note on your husband's pillow and/or put a note in your children's lunch boxes.

Sit down to dinner as a family with the table set. It will make everyone feel special!!

Come on now ....send me some success stories!
Blessings
Marnie
ps How about a good meatloaf tonite? Put a few baking potatoes in the oven with it and add a veg and you will be good to go!....You might even add some of that homemade applesauce on the side!

Can Anyone Relate???

"she opens her eyes and off we go.... it's like when you're on a roller coaster and you're at the top waiting for the release (that is me asleep in my bed) then whoosh her eyes open and here we go loop after nauseating, head jerking, migraine making, loop until slam the ride stops and she is asleep again (16 hours later). I need help...."

Wow can you feel it parents? Can you relate?
Well, its time to "get off the merry-go-round" or in this case the roller coaster!

The little one described in the above Help letter is around 3 yrs old. She is unleashed energy. Non stop...

So where do we begin?
Put on the breaks!
Start once again to build the walls of discipline and consistency.

First of all You MUST BE RESTED to take on this whirlwind....
You will lose it otherwise and be "under" before you know it!

Second think about and lay the "rules"

1. When do they get up? and how? and what do they do when they do wake up?
2. Whats next on the list... breakfast? get them ready for the day? Now don't give up yet....its only 8:30 am!

3 Wear them out! let them play outside...is there a McDonald's play yard near by? Are there other children that they can play with? YOU structure the day NOT the other way around

4. Lunch:   make them sit down and eat... wash them up....read them a book and tuck them in for a nap!

Ya you say You have no idea!!! Well believe it or not I DO

But You need to be the boss.... " Honey you are going to lay down for at least an hour"....darken the room shut the door....
Now do I expect this to happen easily? The first time? Unlikely... But stick to your plan! The first few days will be hardest. But you must win whatever way that you can! ( you may have to rearrange your schedule to make this happen .... naps need to be a priority and a habit.)
Don't give up! You are laying the foundation! Does the builder just ignore the bricks that are crumbling from the wall because he is tired or just does not want to do the job over again?
Remember the child's WHOLE LIFE is being built on these foundational principles!
Win....This WILL NOT last forever Unless, in fact, you ignore the issue and hope that it goes away....it won't
small problems will become big problems ! Do your self a favor and tend to business Deep breath now parents!

I had a week of cousin camp this summer 5 of the grandchildren came for 7 days of fun! The ages were 3,4,6,8,8 IT went soooo smoothly no major incidents they ate, they slept, they played.**** They did not fight . They did not have to be punished. I did not have to call any parents.....WHY? Well, first of all, I had a schedule planned from first thing to last thing...meals were planned, outings were planned, crafts were planned....I had thought it through and all I had to do then was execute the plan!

Well there are some hints in that paragraph! Plan Plan Plan She who flies from the seat of her pants usually wears out before she finishes!

Keep looking up The Bible says: I look to the hills from which my help comes.... Kind of like looking out the window in the morning for the yellow school bus!

Blessings
Marnie

**** this year we celebrated our 4th annual cousin camp!

THE FROST IS ON THE PUMPKIN

I have a disease!

It tends to follow me wherever I go. I don't think that it is contagious though.

I LOVE TO decorate. I decorate inside. I decorate outside. My mind just starts to race...there is no rhyme nor reason....if there is an empty space...a blank wall I just have to "go there"

It's fall
One of my favorite times to exercise my sickness.
I find that children and adults alike will enjoy your efforts.
Now certainly you do not need to go to the lengths and breaths that I go to BUT how about making your entrance way welcoming with some fallish items.

A Simple weath of colored leaves on the door...a potted mum
a stack of cornstalks with a pumpkin or two perhaps even a haybale
Buy a scented candle and light it before everyone comes home at nite.
Collect some colored leaves and strew them on the table or put them in a bowl (you can have the kids replentish these as they dry)

My little ones loved the peel and stick decorations found at the grocery or department store. Or use the fall poster pictures that can be hung on the windows or walls.


By the way....have you ever made homemade applesauce??

If you have a food mill...wash apples (cortland or macs are the best)
cut in quarters, seeds and all, and put in a covered pot with just a skim of water in the bottom. Start on high until boiling and then turn it down and let it simmer until apples are mush and ready to put through the mill. I use a Foley Food Mill

If you do not have a mill peel and core apples, cut in quarters and follow the above directions This will be a lighter sauce but still will taste yummy.

Sweeten the cooked sauce with a little sugar and perhaps a sprinkle of cinnamon.
The family will love it cold or hot and its also great over icecream! I personally love it with graham crackers for a snack. Yum
Enjoy
Blessings
Marnie

It's Sniffle Time Again!

What is a parent to do?

All the over the counter medicines have been said to be of no help and we have been advised to not bother to buy them.

Yeah easy for those guys to say as the little one sniffles and coughs and is down right miserable!

Things to do and to have on hand....

1. Give everyone in the family vitamin C throughout the year either chewable or non does not matter 1000 milligrams for older kids. You cannot overdose on this as it will wash through your body. A tablet in the morning and one at nite is a good routine. THIS HAS BEEN TRIED AND TRUE IT DOES WORK

2. Vick's vaporub. I love this and always have it on hand. One of my daughters swears that the advise in the circulated email about putting it on the soles of the feet under socks works to eradicate nighttime coughing.

3. Force (be intentional about) liquids. At the first sign of illness keep the water/juice/Popsicles coming. They really do help to drown out that cold.

4. Baby aspirin to keep down a fever or Tylenol check with your Dr as to what he/she recommends

5. A humidifier helps in the child's room cool air versus steam

6. Dress the child for the weather....Here in New England we often miss the obvious change of seasons and children are still wearing summer clothes as the fall comes rushing in with much cooler temperatures.

7. Plenty of rest/sleep. Illness is magnified with the lack of sound sleep that many times accompanies a cold/sickness.

Time with Mom and/or Dad adds that extra comfort that the child needs during this down time of not being up to par.

Its September and sniffles are coming...some is allergy related but I believe can be treated the same way.

Keep healthy and wash your hands often!
Blessings
Marnie

It might be time to get those cornbags out! and put another blanket on the beds!

A Death in the Family

Have you ever experienced death in the immediate family? It seems like a whilwind sets down over your house and the norm is set aside for a period of time.

It is what it is....all consuming.

Have you included the children? Is there understanding there? Are they being lost in the shuffle? Do they know what is happening?

In years gone by death was, in many cases, just not talked about...the adults handled it and life just began again without any counsel, talking it out etc.

My advice to you is.... talk about it. You may not have all the answers but it is good to be able to share feelings. There are some good books available on the subject for children. This is just a continuing course in their preparation for life. Take the time that is needed.

Your children may respond to death in many different ways. You may not notice anything different or the child may become withdrawn, fearful, anxious or feeling ill. Don't overlook any of these symptons and pretend that it is not happening.
Something is going on and it is better to deal with it sooner rather than later. Its a critical time and feels off limits to some of us but we all know that it is a real part of life. It is part of the dance. Just be sensitive to each other and get help from someone if you need to.

Blessings,
Marnie

Yield/Right of Way

Been thinking....Is there ever a time when you should yield to your child?

Give in?? Back off?? Overlook??

Hummmmm

It certainly should not be anyway near the norm but sometime..somewhere...somehow...maybe.

Jimmy has a 7:30 bedtime. His favorite movie came on..it's a school nite and the movie won't be over for another hour..He begs.... How about it....one time with a warning about getting up and ready in the morning with no problem?

Kelly wants 2 friends for overnite. You have experienced the 3rd wheel thing and it has not been pretty or pleasant in the past...BUT this time it will be different...she tell you how and why she is feeling the way she is and again with "warning" you allow one more sleepover.

Fred only rides his bike in the yard. He wants to go to his friends around the corner. No no no you have said it repeatedly...but now how about it...call the other mom and tell her to call you as soon as he pulls into her drive.

I could list scenarios forever. Ones that take in every age level. Sometimes we yield....it is better that the boundary be tested with your permission and watchfulness.If the plan fails you can always return to square one.

I remember coming to the conclusion that my daughter could NOT spend 2 nites away from home consecutively. Too Much~Too tired~ tears would ALWAYS follow . But after a number of months we tried it again. It worked. It did not become the norm, but was doable.

Live and learn I guess that's what it's called. You will know. Check yourself that you are not turning into a control freak, too rigid and needing to be always right. It will not go good with you as the years pass. Loosen up, compare notes with a friend, get counsel, whatever it takes sometimes it's wise to yield.

Blessings
Marnie

Back log of articles can be seen on the blog page of www.comeinandrest.com. If for any reason you would like to be taken off this mailer, let me know and I will tend to it asap.

When Daddys little helper becomes Mom's extra hands

I saw the wee babe today with the bib that says Daddys Little Helper. How cute and hopeful for the days ahead.

But as we all know life does not always turn out as planned.

Sometimes Daddy's Little Helper is left behind with mom.

I was chatting with a woman the other day who was talking about just this situation.

Her husband had left and she remained at home caring for their three sons. She was telling about how overwhelmed she was with the whole "spring" thing. How the yard, the gardens, the repairs etc. had put her under a cloud of discouragement.

I asked her about the boys and if she had them help and she told me how they too would just get discouraged and run the other way. "That was Dad's job", "We don't know how to do that" "It's unfair that we should have to do adult work" etc etc etc

Well, you know what "that WAS Dad's job" but "Oh Well" it still needs to be done. Mom as well probably has never done some of this stuff before. She very well may not know where or how to begin. But again too bad someone has got to do it.

So lay your guilt aside...Take a deep breath, and round up the troops. "Jim get the rake, John you will load the leaves on the tarp and Jared you haul it all to the woods. We are going to tackle this portion together and get it done. Period. Put down the joysticks and clicker. It's time to go to work, pull together, make a dent,accomplish something.

This is training ground. It is a good thing. Many hands really do make light work.! No one has died from getting their hands dirty or trying something new! Happy Trails!

Blessings,
Marnie

The Cat and the Bed....(don't play games)

I recently returned home from a trip south to see three of my children. As I was "taking back the territory" cleaning, vacuuming and dusting, I came across our cat, Perez**, dozing in the papasan chair in the family room.
NOW..this is a NO-no and he KNOWS it!
As I entered the room I did not even have to open my mouth when I could see his body stiffen, his ears go flat and he went into flight mode. WHY because he KNEW that he was doing something that he was not supppose to!

A little while later, on a different floor of the house, I came upon him again. This time he was sleeping peacefully on Kendall's bed. Now he has slept with Kendall for years. I thought for a moment as I went in and out of the room "wow I could really get to him if I scolded him right now" sick thought I know but it got me to thinking.....

We do this sometimes, perhaps not so intentionally, with our children. Now I know I could list our YahButs...but in the long run it is still not right. Mean and cruel may be a little harsh but maybe not. Our kids are allowed to do something one time and then we totally flip out when it happens in another scenerio.

Go back to the kitty and think about the animals pysical reactions if I went in there ranting and raving holding a broom over my head. I know it would take a few years off his life! How about you, put yourself in that position, you are minding your own business when WHAM someone crawls all over you for something you have been doing forever that has never been mentioned!!

Back to the kids. AGAIN I repeat and repeat.

Pick your battles.
Mean what you say.
Be consistent.
Don't go back and forth....yes one minute, no the next.

When your children look at you they should be assured of the boundaries that you have set for them...they should not be walking on egg shells and, by the way, neither should you be(but that is a different blog!). They need a clear line on what is OK and what is not. It needs to start young and follow them out the door.

Happy trails to you!
Blessings,
Marnie

**  Our Perez died last August 10' and we continue to miss him  ..Great cat