It's a WEIGHTY Matter!

It’s a Weighty Matter!
Here’s to HEALTH

We are what we eat the old saying goes!
Well it is the same for our children.

There is really no excuse, in my estimation, for a child to be heavy. They should not be making their own meals and doing the shopping. They should not be serving themselves.

 We are the problem!

Sitting on the beach one day next to a heavy women with her 2 children, I watched as the kids were playing contentedly in the sand. Every now and then the Mom would get their attention with “ OK, OK, you can have just 2 more cookies . But that is it until lunch time.”

The kids had not asked for anything…..they were just  fed.

We’re hungry and we justify it by feeding our children as well ( unless we’re into hoarding our food under our beds) That is a topic for another time!

If your children are overweight at all. Please take the matter in hand. This is your job and they need assistance!. Begin to monitor their diet. Buy healthy foods. Empty the cupboards of junk. They may/will balk but it MUST BE DONE.
You and I both know that it will be MUCH EASIER now than later.

So with the money you save on groceries go to Kmart and buy new sneakers for the family and start a daily walking regime! It will be a great bonding time and you will all get in shape as well!


Blessings,

PS There are Doctors and dieticians and even friends who can help you on your way 

Our Responsibility???

What is my responsibility?

Have you ever noticed that times are changing?
We feed, clothe, house and support for a good 18 years plus. We were always told that that is when our children would get jobs, get married and move out on their own…right? Well it often does not work that way.

We have children who leave for school and then come back. To stay… Or we have children that move out and need to be rescued continually. What is our role???

I remember a conversation with my oldest son. He had gone off for a year to a missions program and come back home. He had matured physically and socially. We sat on the front steps and I let him know how happy I was to have him back with us. We chatted and I proceeded to make it clear to him that we both needed to expect some differences. He had been out on his “own” and I still had young kids at home. There were still the house “rules” and I needed him to know that. I told him how the mother bird begins to “unfeather” the nest as the bird gets larger. I reminded him that many times children will find even the smallest of things to get upset and irritated over because they want to move out but don’t know really how to do it.
I told one of my daughters that she needed to know that she could not move out, under any circumstances if she were angry. All issues needed to be talked out and settled. We needed to come to grips with the fact that it was going to be difficult on both of us when it was time for her to move but that it was part of growing up.

I cried for 3 weeks when 2 of my children moved out close to the same time. It was not long before I realized that they really represented about 8 kids (as their friends were always over) and no wonder it was so quiet! But I must admit that 2 months later when they were back at the door (to visit) I wanted to say so “why are you here”!
I had come to enjoy the growing quiet, the rooms that remained clean and the overall peace that I had not had for sooooo long!

I hope that you can relate!

Its all normal and natural….But what if it doesn’t happen? What if they need to move back in after school or perhaps never move out after school?! How should it look?
First I think that it is very wise to sit down and make up a contract of sorts. Talk to your husband and decide what you want it to look like. Then talk it out with you son/daughter. Cover all the topics: laundry, room, board, meals, respect, cleaning up messes, letting you know where and when, guests etc…. and then when you have come to an agreement write it down and sign it.
Your child SHOULD NOT be staying in your home for nothing. Even if you have no need of the extra income….he/she needs to learn the responsibility of paying their way. (Save the money and use it for something special or if you really don’t need it give it back to them when they do move out….maybe it can be their first months rent) But remember they are adults now and must be treated as such. Set standards for them and don’t make it too easy. You will not be doing them any favors.

Then there is the child that moves out just because he can’t stand you any more! You are so restrictive etc….
BUT you still get the calls….A” Mom do you mind if I drop off 5 bags of laundry? I have nothing to wear!” B“Dad, my car’s not running do you think you could fix it” C“Folks I am going to Disney for 2 weeks with a friend, would you mind watching my dogs?”D “ Dad I’m short on cash and my rent is past due and my landlord is bugging me. Could I get a loan?”E “Sis can I borrow $50.00 until my next check?”

Weigh these requests carefully. If you can and want to do any of them fine do it .. but remember…. no complaining. But if there is ANY guilt or need to act like a savior, be codependent etc…..No ! I give you permission to just say no!!!

A“Oh Jimmy! How’s it going son? When can you come over to dinner? Hey about the laundry, you know the old washer and dryer are kind of on their last legs but you remember the laudromat on Main St. right? I think that its open most of the time”.
B“Susie by the way did you get that oil change that I reminded you of last week? Remember I told you every 3000 miles? You haven’t had one for how long?? Well I suggest you get it right over to Walmart for a check up and see what they say.”C “Wow aren’t you the lucky one! T he dogs? Didn’t you say that you still had not gotten them house broken yet? Well you know dad and I work. But I do know that there is a kennel in town. Why don’t you call them .. or maybe you could find one of your friends who wouldn’t mind.”
D“ Oh sweetie! I’m sorry that you are in such a bind! I would if I could but our mortgage payment just went out and we just don’t have it. Maybe if you call your landlord he will give you an extension.”E “Jacki, I will have to run it by mom and dad to see if I can loan you the money. They said that I have to check with them for this kind of thing. Sorry.”

There is no need to fight. No need to take it on. No need to wear it. You may think that you are helping but you might very well be just prolonging the inevitable. Lay it down and DON’T feel guilty!

Our children MUST GROW UP. We would not have it any other way. We do not want to be their savior. They need to look up for that. Again I give you permission to not rescue over and over again!

Talking with a mom the other day I asked her when was the last time that she had had fun with her husband? She admitted that the issue at hand had been weighing heavily on them both and causing much stress and irritation. I told her it was time to remove the cloud caused by this child (that was shadowing over EVERYTHING) and go and enjoy each other. It’s ok In fact it’s not only OK its GOOD!!! You earned it….Your marriage must take priority!

And personally I think that valuable lessons are learned when Sara calls home to find that you guys are just headed out for dinner and dancing and not there every time for her beck and call .

Blessings!

Are you a SCREAMER???

I remember it clearly. My friends' mom would come out of the house and SCREAM at her kids. I never heard her talk in a normal voice to her children...and the most interesting thing to me at that time was..they COMPLETELY ignored her!

Why do we feel we need to SCREAM? Are we loosing control? Are we being ignored? Are our children deaf?

Are you a SCREAMER? Take a minute and think about it. I have found through trial and error that SCREAMING is not the best route to take. It is better to get the childs attention..eye to eye...and make yourself clear and understood. SCREAMING is to explaining as slapping is to a spanking. It is done out of frustration and anger just like a slap vs. a thought out spanking.

So how do we stop?
First, you need to admit that that is what you do. 2nd you need to see what drives you to it. 3rd you need to set some boundaries for yourself. Bring the kids in on it, or perhaps a girlfriend or your husband. Give them permission to give you the high sign when you start.

Now take your feelings off your sleeve and remind yourself that this is going to benefit everyone involved. Plus is that how you really want to be thought of?

We SCREAM when people are not "hearing us". So how do we change this? You have spoken, warned, threatened, bribed, cojoled and no one is paying any attention. You are like a broken record that those around you have gotten used to. How sad. All that wasted energy! All that empty parenting. All that cement being poured into the wrong place. Yes we are creating a solid foundation that our children will expect and live out.

Ok now so take a deep breath and begin a new day. Stop, think before you speak/scream. Carry through....be consistent..get your childs attention. But PLEASE STOP SCREAMING!!! what will the neighbors think:):)

Blessings,
Marnie

Is the Honeymoon Over????

Ok, today I'm going to ask you to do something perhaps difficult and maybe a little scary!

GO AND LOOK IN THE MIRROR!

NOW
Ok, so what do you see? I mean take a real assessment.
Have you gotten out of your PJs? Is your hair combed and neat? Do you have at least minimal makeup?

How about your home? Is it neat? If someone stopped in without calling would you be comfortable? Is your bedroom neat, bed made, clothes put away? Are your children dressed and ready for the day. Remember that this is training ground.

When your husband comes home from work...are the children clean? Is there something cooking for supper? Do you look like the woman he wanted to marry?

Now some of you might think that this is old school and perhaps even legalistic. I think not. It is just good sense. It's good for you, your children and your relationship with your husband.

Please don't look at it like another chore. When I get up in the morning (now and when I had little kids) first I took the 3 minutes it takes to make the bed ( Did you know that your bedroom instantly looks cleaner when the bed is made) and then I go and make myself "presentable". It will usually be the last time I get to look in the mirror for the day so I try to get it done before the day begins.:)

Map out your day. Put some thought into it. Decide what you will have for supper before 10AM so that you can prepare ahead and have whatever thawed etc. Maybe you could even make a dessert!

Now I know that there are those "days" but they are not everyday. If you are a stay at home mom this is your job...so do it well. If dad comes home late have the kids fed and bathed so that after a book with dad they can go to bed and you can have some quite time with your husband.

Honestly, today at Walmart I saw some women that made me wonder if they had just given up on themselves...pajama pants, no makeup, hair not even combed and I dare not go further. I would not want my husband to look like a slob and I believe that he feels the same about me!

So ladies...DO YOURSELVES A FAVOR.... take a few minutes for yourself and EVERYONE will feel better (even the people at Walmart!!)

Blessings 

Bullies

It must be terrible to hate to go to school, the playground, your cousins, etc. for the child that is being bullied.

Parents, keep your eyes open for this situation. Bullier or Bullieee, they both require parental intervention. Your child may complain about going certain places...or he/she may not say anything at all. Watch, listen and take action if needed.

Bullies come in all sorts of packaging; short, tall, thin, heavy, older, younger. If you sense that your child is being a bully...get involved and take proper action. Let them know that this behavior will not be tolerated. If it starts at a play date with a young child..pull them out of the play group....take them aside and correct them. If it continues remove them from the situation. Apologize and take the little one home. Don't be embarrassed. It happens and life is a hugh learning curve. Only be embarrassed if your child gets a reputation because you have not done your job.

Insist that the child apologize to the other person involved...maybe even a note to the parents. The punishment must fit the offense and the child must know that you are SERIOUS. Do not put up with even a hint of it! My young friends' little girl pulls the hair of her little brother. It looks like it starts with affection and quickly goes to something else. Do not put up with this. Deal with it quickly and intentionally.

If your child is being bullied see if you can gently get him/her to talk about it. Let them know that you are for them. Discuss changes that can take place. If it continues on for even a little bit of time you probably should get involved. If it happens at school...you need to go visit the teacher and principal. You all need to be on the same page and be aware of what's going on. Your child might be afraid of this and think that he may get into even deeper problems with his peers. Perhaps go on your own at first without saying anything to your child.

But again I want to stress again: Stay on top of it. Check in with your child daily... know what's going on at all times. Do whatever you have to do. It can be a very scary place for a child. Children can be very mean...even our own. Its just another opportunity to teach them the right way to live with others.

BEEN THINKING

I was having a chat with my daughter the other day about movies. Don't you just LOVE those chick flicks?? They can be addicting. Women, ladies and girls love all the romance, kissing, sweet bantering and honey! It seems we can't get enough!

I was suggesting to my daughter that as much as we love these "feel good" movies we need to be very wise and careful that we do not become desensitized to the lack of morality that many of them pose. You must admit that the huge percentage of this type of movie portray the couple having sex almost immediately in the relationship. It would seem that the "old" rule of waiting till marriage just does not apply anymore or at the very least is out dated!

Thus the conversation continued something like this:

"It's kind of like frosting. We love the looks, the decoration, and the sweetness. It satisfies our senses. It is gooey and sugary. It is down right Yummy! But unfortunately, all too soon, the frosting comes to an end and all we are left with is cake. Ugh! But I don't like carrot cake!!
We are now dissatisfied. We are thinking constantly about the "cake" that is at home and how it just does not satisfy..it is not yummy and sweet anymore. It is only a matter of time before, during our normal routine, we notice some nice looking frosting; might be at the grocery store, Home Depot, work or the coffee shoppe. Looks good, we knows it tastes good (we've had it before) and we need to be fulfilled....so we dive in ... ahh the memories...the same tingles, phone calls, texts, notes, flowers etc etc etc loving it all and denying ourselves nothing until we again reach the CAKE...oh no it's spice cake....we don't care for spice cake!!

Am I making any sense ladies? Are you following me? We must decide FIRST what kind of cake we like!! That is what we will have to live with!

My daughter at once realized that this picture story was about the majority of girls at her school. Jumping from guy to guy, one after another, always looking for the sugar high of frosting. Reaching cake...they start all over again on and on never to be truly satisfied.

Ladies, what are we looking for? Talk to your daughters or better yet talk to yourselves! Let's become and raise women of substance who choose to go the distance and not be satisfied with a sprint in a relationship.

The Potty and Big Boy/G irl Pants

Well, here goes.
I've been putting this writing off.

First, I want you all to know my credentials on this subject.

Out of 12 of my children, 6 boys and 6 girls, they were ALL BUT ONE totally trained, day and night, BY their 2nd birthday. The one that wasn't was totally trained by 26 months.

I also want to add that I have NO children that are afraid of the bathroom, that are constantly constipated etc...from bad experiences.

I have talked to numerous moms about this topic over the past 30 years.... it's just not easy or fun!

I believe around 20 months or so, considering that the child is physically and psychologically "normal", the child is ready to potty train. (I have had moms tell me that their child was trained at 1 but I would argue that the mom was trained)

Again with just about all of our topics of parenting...YOU, the parent, are the one that needs to get serious before there will be any results.

Begin by looking for a pattern. Start setting the little one on the potty every hour or so. You are trying to "catch" a successful "out" come.:) Watch the amount of drinking as well.

When that happens throw a party! Jump up and down, sing, dance.. in other words let Julie know that THIS is a GOOD thing. (I always had a treat ready for the successful potty time. Maybe 2 M+M's..something SMALL and ONLY given when there is success.)

Big girl/boy pants can fit in here somewhere and remember there needs to be alot of talking...

A little story: at a moms group I hear a friend complaining about the fact that her boy will not be able to go to kindergarten if he is still in diapers. She is beside herself because she has "tried everything" forever.
After a while she looks at me and says "OK, Marnie, so what would you do?" I asked if she really wanted to know I would tell her. I went on to ask pertinent questions etc and finally said "when you go home... take the diaper off ( the boy was 4 and weighed 50 lbs!) and tell him that this is the end of the diaper routine. Explain at GREAT lengths that he needs to go on the potty and if he doesn't he will be punished." This is obviously the tip of our conversation.
( Now I KNOW that this is where I will lose some of you) also add that you will not accept accidents either.

A couple of weeks went by and I didn't see her or her son. I began to get worried that I may have caused a problem with my counsel. The next week she was at the group, seemed fine, and at the end of the morning, not being able to contain my curiosity any longer, I said " So how's the training going?"
To which she said." Oh! That! After all this time and energy and frustration he was totally trained within the first 24 hours. He did have the beginning of one accident, which she dealt with as she promised, and that was the end of it!

Its when we make up our minds to stick with it and mean business that we can expect success! Hey I know I make it sound really easy.... but it's just like anything else we do. You need to begin and follow it through and THEN you can decide whether he can get his drivers license or not :))

Blessings!

Many hands make light work

I am now giving you permission to ask your children to do chores and help you around the house.
This not only can ease your load but teaches your children valuable lessons and practices that they must know to be well adjusted and able to take care of themselves.

Chores never killed anyone. Now it may sound like it when you first suggest this cruelty...but I assure you, if you hold to your guns, things will calm down.

Your children should:

Clean up after themselves in the kitchen
Clear the table after dinner and help to clean up the kitchen.
Deep clean the bathroom
Pick up any given room
Know how to use the vacuum and dust
Pick up their rooms
Hang clothes up
Take the trash out
Feed the pets and take care of them
Read to younger children
Play with younger children
Clean out the car
Pick up the yard
Wash the woodwork
Clean the appliances

Bring wood in.... feel free to add to the list !!

Now granted these need to be given to children of appropriate ages. At 13 give your child his/her own laundry basket with a free lesson on using the washer/dryer.

Start teaching when your children are young. Children can pick up toys...Throw things away...pick up the clothes and put them in the laundry.

Begin by doing it with them..sing a song..make it fun.  "OK lets pick up all the blue things...the red things..."

Next leave them to do a little job on their own.
In the end you should be able to ask your child to do just about anything and know that it will be right.

Remember these things need to be taught...some things are caught but not much and if you want it done stellar you must teach/show how you want it done. If its not done right call the child back and give more instruction. Don't take it personally when they don't do a good job. They'll get it with PRACTICE. Hopefully it will dawn on them sooner rather than later that it is better to do it right the first time.

I remember if the job continued to not be done correctly I would add another chore. They catch on. If the bedroom was an issue, when they wanted to go somewhere or do something I would say "just a minute let me check your room." That worked after a few times of missing out.

Just mean what you say...no yelling...no threats...just fact. The majority of people do not have maids etc. at their beckon call.. And even if they may in their future they should still know how to do it!
Well have fun! How's it going anyway? Are these articles helpful at all? Let me know!
Blessings

Discontentment

Sitting in the cinema lobby the other day I watched as parents continued to dole out quarters for their kids to play the video games. What happened to just being happy with going to a movie and having a treat?? Why does there always have to be more and more? Why aren't our children able to sit for a moment content to "wait" with out needing to be entertained constantly. What have WE created?

Do you hear your kids ever say their "bored" ? How can that be in this day and age. We and they have more than ever and yet it just doen't seem to be enough.

How much do your children sit in front of the television? Do the hours while away without you even realizing it? The statistics say the kids today watch hours a day. Are we using the television as a babysitter? If you are I'm sure you are not going to enjoy reading this blog.

It may be convenient for the moment but I believe that it is going to come back and bite us in the end. Whatever happened to reading to our children? Children playing outside? Kids being able to entertain themselves with their toys for longer than 5 minutes at a time. Candy land, Fish, Old Maids

Part of the problem is that it all includes parent participation. It is so much easier to keep them quiet with quarters or television or all the other gadgets that hook to that box. I am not entirely against this stuff..but I do believe it should be a "treat" not the norm.

Are your children content? Happy? Calm? Stressed? Argumentative? Always getting in trouble? Hummmmm have you ever wondered why?

Why don't you take an assessment of the situation and see if there needs to be any territory taken back. Have you let your guard down? Take your children back and help to write their future

Blessings!

Pacifier...continued

A reader writes " My youngest son is 2.5 years old and I want to wean him off his pacifier and his blankie.   I encourage the habit of using it only for nap and bed time, but when he's sick I do allow him to walk around the house with them because it soothes him and helps with the mood.  I thought I'd ask if you have any tips or tricks to successfully wean him off?"


I'm afraid it's just like everything else in life ...we need to bite the bullet to make it happen.  It never really works to prolong the agony.  So pick a time and day and  START!  
Begin by talking about it for a few days. 
Pray with him and  perhaps  even make a chart of smiley faces for a week of good "going to bed"   celebrated by a treat at the end.

A good book to read to your child through this trying time is Berenstain Baby Bears: Pacifier Days, which tells the tale of how one little bear said goodbye to his pacifier. 


I sure do wish there were easier tasks at hand but this too will dim in the days ahead.  Just love the little guy. Cuddle while you can, talk and pray and encourage him with something special.  It won't take long ...it will only "feel" that way! :)  But, again, my personal feeling is not to prolong it too long.  Work your way down from whenever to naptime and  bedtime and then make the "plunge".  Reverting back because of sickness etc is only going to make the break harder in the days to come.


Thanks for the question!
Blessings!




 Maybe you could make a "sweater" for a teddy bear out of the blanket?....  A gift for a year to come.

To pacify or not..that is the question

I, personally, have no gripe against pacifiers. The nursing mom will be busy day and nite if she plans to pacify the baby through nursing alone. Babies get the majority of their feeding done in the first 10 minutes per side. After that they are simply pacifying themselves. The wee babe can't find his thumb/fist for long before it flys back out of his/her mouth.

The problem I DO HAVE is: seeing 4+ year old Tommy with that paci hanging out of his mouth! One can barely understand his speech because there is always something in the way. The pacifier, after it has done its job for a new born, should be kept in the crib to have only at nap/bed time. I also think that 2 years old is a good cut off time to kiss the pacifier good by. The more that the child has it through the day the harder it will be to break the connection.

I have said in another piece that I think it is wise to give your child a bottle once a day (just in case) a bottle of water is good for the baby as well....BUT
Moms, please don't put your child to bed with a bottle. I have seen very small children with tooth rot because of it. Also be careful of juice. Children become very addicted to that sweetness and want it more and more. If you water that juice down from the beginning they will never know.!

Blessings!

Bribery and the Shopping Cart

Rushing down the cereal aisle Seth comes to the end of his patience....." Mooommmmm...I want some ..........!!!" Crying and squirming he begins to get louder and louder. He starts to crawl out of the cart. You begin to go faster and faster throwing things in as quick as you can. With one hand filling the cart and one trying to pin the boy down.. mom says in desperation, "Seth want some crackers? some candy? a drink?"
She tears open the chips and he is quiet until they are gone..It starts again...and on and on it goes.

You can see it right?

This IS A TRAP. Mom don't fall into it...you are training your child in behavior that should not be acceptable.

Remember " Nip it in the bud."? Well read it again cause this is where you need to use it!

Communicate with Seth BEFORE you even get in the car. I found that it worked best if I talked about it a number of times before we went out.

"Sethy, this afternoon, after your nap, we are going to go shopping. I am going to buy you a treat FOR THE WAY HOME. If you are a good boy and don't ask for anything and behave yourself while we shop. If we have any problems you will not get a treat. " **

Now Mom you need to mean what you say....please dont say it and then give the treat. You want to affirm good behavior not bad. There is no such thing as a little bad... He either is or he isn't.

This format will work for just about any situation. Communication is key. Our children need to know what's going on and what's expected of them. Keep it simple and don't push them past their ability. If they are tired don't go..wait till your husband gets home or go after the nap.

Take control of the grocery shopping time...you will be glad that you did (and so will all the other shoppers as well)

Blessings
Marnie

** Give Seth a few things to pick from for a treat. A lollipop, gum, pack of M&Ms. Keep it simple and small. You can even talk about it while you are doing your shopping.

Taking control!!!

Well today we are not going to talk about children. We are going to try to get to "the bottom" of some of the piles in your home. Let's try to tackle clutter.

I have to warn you..... to control clutter you CANNOT keep everything. And I might add ..you really don't want to. You only think you do. There is a really good feeling when you are in control of your stuff and it is not overwhelming you.

Recently a very neglected and overgrown property was bought on my street. I watched as the new owner began to tidy up. I thought of the hugh job that was ahead of him and wondered where he would start....pruning, weeding, organizing etc. Well he surprized me by WIPING OUT all of the landscaping, trees, shrubs etc. to start over. What a difference it made!

First you need to look with open eyes. When we have been surrounded by stuff for a long time we tend to not even see it anymore. It's only when we are going to have company that we begin to feel uncomfortable. right??

Second you need to pick a spot. Yes one spot. You need to begin and continue until it is finished. Determine not to become sidetracked.
One of the biggest downfalls of cleaning is we pick up something in the living room that belongs in the cellar...we take it..notice something in the cellar that really needs to be tended to..come upstairs to get the broom and notice that the trash is overflowing...take the trash out and remember that we should walk the dog...and on it goes. We exhaust ourselves by "working" all day and not accomplishing anything that can be noticed!

Third You've heard it said .."if you havent used it in a year get rid of it" well I do believe that is quite true. It is true for clothes and toys and lots of stuff. So get a couple of laundry baskets: 1 for Goodwill, 1 for stuff to put away and a LARGE trashbag for the stuff going CURBSIDE.

Start by doing things that are noticable. If you are working in the kitchen, clean out the sink and empty the dishwasher..put all that stuff away. Then start with the counter tops ..one section at a time...(remember do not get sidetracked) Don't begin on the drawers or the cupboards until the "outside" is looking picked up. Wipe things down as you go. THEN you will tackle a draw or closet one at a time.
Before you know it ...YOU WILL SEE A DIFFERENCE!
Having had a large family I have gotten quite good at this so if you need more help or hints please send me an email and we'll chat further about the whole subject. The only stupid question is one not asked!

Blessings,

The telephone tussell!!

Sometimes you just need to PUT THE PHONE DOWN.

We've all experienced it. We have taken a call and immediatly the whole atmosphere begins to break down.

The cat vomits on the rug, Johnny throws a toy in the toilet AND flushes, Sally hangs onto your leg for attention, the older ones choose to have a disagreement right in your face....and YOU continue to try to sound calm and together while acting like a contortionist towards the kids. You shake your finger, throw someone into the corner, mouth out instructions etc while your face just gets redder and redder and your blood pressure skyrockets.

Sweetheart....Put the phone down. Call the person back later. It's not worth it. Face it your "job" needs your full attention. If you choose to stay on the phone you will end up possibly making some bad decisions, and saying some things that you will later wish you hadn't.

There will come a day that you will have all the time you want for the phone...it's just not today. Don't let it get to you...To this we are called..make the best of it!

Blessings!

"You're a good man Charlie Brown"

I just feel to write a little tonite about DAD.

Let's face it sometimes he gets left kind of out in the cold.
"Precious" is expecting and everyone pats her stomach, coddles her, throws her gifts etc and what does dad do...watch and keep working.

Now before anyone throws something I am talking about the good guys in the world. The ones who are "there", those who help, who care, who take the father role seriously. So calm down.... I have met many of these guys personally. They DO exist.

These men typically work their hineys (sp) off to help keep it all afloat.

Anyway...what I'm trying to say is ....THROW DAD A PARTY!
No need to invite anyone .. the family is enough. Have one of the kids lay down on a big piece of paper and trace his body. Cut it out and write on the different parts of the body what you appreciate about Dad. On his hands you might write that you love it when he plays baseball with you... His feet that you love when he dances with you...etc you get the picture don't you?

Hang it from the doorway, make his favorite meal, have the kids put on a little show and let it be ALL ABOUT DAD.

Maybe you could present him with a homemade coupon book of things that the kids can do for him. You, mom, could add a few of your own:)

Bottom line...everyone needs to be appreciated. Let's let Dad have a time. Random I know but sometimes that makes it all the more fun and memorable!
Put your creative thinking caps on and get to work.

PS. I know that there are many other scenarios out there and that the "typical" family is not so typical anymore. If there are stepdads, foster dads, dads who see the kids only a weekend here or there...or even men in your lives that aren't really the dad but have helped fill the role..it is still important to speak into that place in a kids heart. Everyone needs a dad figure.

Determine, mom, to never speak badly about the childs father. If he's lacking he will prove that all on his own without you having to say anything. Teach your child what respect means and how to show it.

Get going now it will do everyone good

Blessings
Marnie

Its ODD

Well I must say I heard something today that made me speechless!

Visiting with a teacher friend I heard of a "new" set of letters that are now being added to the ever growing list of labels that describe our kids.

It's "ODD" get this: OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER

If this doesn't scare you ..I don't know what will!!

This label is being given to children who just can't seem to behave, "toe the line", follow the rules etc. Its being written on school records and I believe that medication is being perscribed.

So, instead of taking our children's behavior and molding it into what it should look like, we take little Peg to the Psychiatrist to find out why she is acting as she does.
LORD HELP US!
I am positive that ALL my children have had this dysfunction at one time or another....but I can assure you the last thing I wanted was for them to be labeled and carry that definant attitude around all their lives!!!

Those poor parents...they have just signed away any peace, normalcy and future for their child! ( and for themselves as well for that matter!)

Come on now.... Parenting is not for cowards as one book title boasts. Please I BEG YOU don't do that to us! Little Peg is not only going to make her parents crazy but she will affect every place that she goes...because she "just can't help it" She is destined to be a miserable little girl, and an even more miserable adult. Good behavior should not be optional and 99% of the time pills are not needed (except possibly for the parent's headache)

Parents take your responsibilities back and do your job!! Don't wring your hands or cry yourselves to sleep!! If you don't know where to start 1. read a book on parenting (there are gazillions) 2. ask a friend (whose children are nice)for advise 3. Pray 4. Call me 5. DO SOMETHING!!! But please don't give it an excuse to become an indelible part of your child's makeup.

Blessings

PS  I am sorry if I have offended anyone...this is my opinion.

The Creeping Crud

There is a disease that is becoming rampant amoung people of all ages. It usually starts at a young age and if not tended to will continue on til death. Its called the Creeping Crud or in another word it might best be described as UNGRATEFULNESS.

It is our job as parents to detect and deal with ungratefulness. It rears its head on all different occasions...Birthdays, holidays, trips to the store, Grandmas house, really just about anywhere.

Please start looking in your home and at your family to see if the disease is present. It must be dealt with immediately or it will spread and only get worse. It must be dealt with forcefully and directly. It can be caught from parents or be present at birth.

Symptoms of the disease

Lack of enthusiasm over a gift, word of encouragement etc.

general disinterest

lack of thank yous

Tossing of gift aside to reach of the next one.

Not caring for toys, clothes, things in general

Letting it be made known that something else was expected and that hopes were not met.

Whining and crying, pouting

When Judy gets a $5. bill in the mail from Aunt Lucy watch to see how she accepts it....is there any mention of " Is that all?...$5 doesnt buy anything" Does she immediately think to call her aunt to say thank you or drop a note?

At the bday party where there are lots of gifts... is it one after another ripping open and then on to the next with no care for what was just received....no thank you....etc?

Christmas afternoon is there a general disappointment that hangs in the air that it just wasnt enough?

I think you are getting the picture.

It is OUR job to teach our children at a VERY young age the art of being grateful. We must watch for every opportunity to teach this life skill. We need to look at ourselves first to see if the disease is present and if so we need to take steps to irradicate it. The disease will not go away if we are carriers.

Sometimes radical steps need to be taken but first why don't you just begin to talk with your children about this disease.
Point it out if you see it pop it's head up anywhere. I have been able to show my kids what it looks like on various occasions when it did not affect us but the symptons were present in our surroundings.

If your home has already been infected... Nip it in the bud!! If the bud is now a "branch" get the saw out! (read a previous blog) This problem will affect the whole life of the carrier.

Sometimes a gift might need to be taken back or a child taken out of the situation to be spoken/dealt with.
What ever the case I implore you again ...as a parent be aware and vaccinate your family against this bug!!!

Any questions ask
pass it on
past blogs http://marniesparentingfamilyblog.blogspot.com/2011/06/creeping-crud.html

Blessings

Kind and Compassionate

A reader writes:
".....I've been trying to work with my little ones on  not being judgmental.  I find that more often than not, us Christians have an unconscious better-than-thou attitude that I don't want my kids to grow up with.  What would be your advice for using daily life situations as teaching opportunities without encouraging them to think less of the people who are different than us, but rather encouraging honest compassion, love and respect?"


Good question!   I'm wondering how old your children are but will agree with you that younger  is better.  
I think a trip to a Nursing Home is a good place for the children to see people who are different from themselves. As they see and talk to the elderly, who no longer can do everything for themselves, they will begin to ask questions and  it will set a good platform to talk about the worth of a person.


We simply need to teach our children that the Lord LOVES everyone!  Everyone has worth!   HE is not a respecter of persons.  Whether a person has 1 leg, are blind or poor it makes NO difference ~ God loves us ALL the same!

It is true that we are the model that our children watch the most.  They don't miss a thing!  They listen and see and come to their own conclusions. Sooooooooo  be careful that you are not unintentionally modeling something that you do not even realize !

As you go about your day you will have many opportunities to speak into your children's lives about this issue.  Do not put up with that "Better than thou" attitude..... Speak directly to it and make your stance over and over. If something is said that is unfeeling and inappropriate speak to the child and have them reword their statement making it acceptable.



I am pleased to say that my children were  caring and friendly to the children in their schools that were different, whether physically or mentally.  It did not matter ~ they went out of their way to make them a friend, and I always made sure that they knew that I was proud of them !


Blessings!

It's Dinner Time!!! 11/07

Well today I spoke with a Mom/friend that asked if I would speak on meals, meal planning and shopping.

Here goes!

First. I have never been someone who goes to the Market every day. I believe that you spend alot more money that way. Even when there were 14 of us at home I shopped ONCE a week PERIOD. Yes I had 2 fridges and a freezer but my family is not the norm. I would buy 8 gallons of milk at a time, 12 lbs of apples and 4 bags of oranges etc.... it was a major job but I would still do it the same way.
When things were working the smoothest I would make a menu for the week. This works very nicely and cuts the guessing out and you don't cook or not cook depending on how hungry you feel. In the morning you simple take out the ingredients, or even the nite before if its going into the crock pot. Here are some menu items that you might want to add to your weekly meals.

Meat loaf mashed potatoes veg
baked potato with boccoli and cheese, chili, taco meat etc
Baked beans with hotdogs or ham coleslaw and cornbread
baked porkchops
fish
tacos
salad with steak tips
chicken drumstix and rice
breakfast for dinner egg sandwiches, pancakes, frenchtoast
chicken divan
hamburgers
meatball subs
spagetti
american chopsuey
chili
soup
stew
chowder
turkey
baked ham
boiled dinner
pot roast
roast beef
mac and cheese
pigs in a blanket
subs
hot turkey sandwiches
tuna/cheese melt
hotsausage


At one time I had 6 weeks of menus ahead without duplicating
Remember to leave a day here and there for leftovers

We always had "stay up nite" on Fridays ..when the kids would have dinner, get their pjs on and we would put a movie on. Soda (once a week) popcorn etc and would be the treat and Dad would carry the kids to bed when they fell asleep

Sunday nite was "silly supper nite". When everyone was ready we would make platters of fun food....
stuffed celery
crackers with cheese
pineapple
apples with peanut butter
popcorn
sardines and crackers
pepperoni slices
orange segments
we would eat usually in front of a disney movie or something like that. It was relaxed and everyone looked forward to the day.

Monday thru Sat we have always eated together AT THE TABLE. No one goes to their room, to the tv or says they are not hungry. Dinner is served once in the day and if you miss it you miss it. Sports took some toll on this as the kids grew but I would do whatever I could to work around it. I grew up around a "supper table" and my children have as well. I believe it is very important and the lack of has had an affect on the family.
Food is to be shared with fellowship. It is a time of relaxing and talking. Practice it....You can have it too.

Blessings! marnie

Any ??? email me
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comment if you would like
past blogs can be seen on www.comeinandrest.com look at the blog page.

You want to wear WHAT #2 11/07

Been thinking about that last email...

I was in the dressing room at Marshalls over the summer when I heard a mom speak and ask if her daughter ( 10-12 ) was through trying on the clothes. Her daughter said she had found a bathing suit and had her mom check it out. Her mom said "no, thats not good.."
"Mooooommmmm I love it, I want it....."
"You look way to fat in it, it's not good."
"Mom you're so mean. I want it !!!!"
"Ok, but don't complain to me about it later."

Are you able to talk to your teens or preteens about their clothes? Or anything for that matter??

You need to practice dialoging with your children WAY before the teen years to have any success doing it in later years.

Shopping with one of my daughters for a bathing suit one summer....I made it clear that we were not going to buy a bikini or anything that remotely resembled one. This did not surprize her. She did make the comment that there would probably not be anything to pick from to which I replied,"Well if you can't find one that I approve of we will simply not be buying a bathing suit today."

Go and sit outside the highschoolor mall someday and look at what the kids are wearing. Tight, short, revealing, ragged, dirty and pajamas.... Now I do believe that there needs to be some lee way for kids to express themselves but I have not left my daughters to guess what I think is appropriate. There will NOT be any midriff showing. Pants will NOT be too tight. NO cleavage...Not too short.
This is not just a "mom" demand for the issue has been talked about in a dialog so that we both understand each other.

Start now...

The young girl I spoke of earlier paraded a chubby body in a little bathing suit that did not fit or flatter her and no one took the time to stand firm .. what happens in a few years when she is now flaunting a grown up body?

Talk to your kids...about things....clothes, dating, health habits (cleanliness) friends, smoking etc... Start young and build on it using examples that you will run into along the way.

" Did you just notice how that girl talked to her mom?"
" What do you think of that girl's outfit?"
" See those young kids smoking in the corner...what do you think about that?"
" Have you ever noticed that she is never without a boyfriend and it's a different one each week?"
" Did you hear that guy just scream at his kids Hummmm what do you think happened?
" Don't you think he should have held the door for that woman behind him?" etc etc etc

Use life to your advantage and talk to your kids!! Start young they may have more to say than you can imagine!

Blessings!
Pass it on
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Feedback is always welcome

You want to wear WHAT????

Funny how kids are. Some could care less as to what they wear and for others "fashion" is everything!

Sooooo what happens when Janie want to wear the dress up gown to daycare? The bathrobe to church? Shorts and boots to Sunday School? A sundress in the blizzard?

Sometimes we can play along with the game and sometimes we can’t.

That is what needs to be understood.
Autumn comes out with a cape and underwear, playing Superman when its time to go to the grocery store. She does not see the need to change. What do you do?

Taking a moment to explain, tell her that she needs to change into her shopping clothes. Depending on how old she is you can let her help choose or if time is an issue hand her the clothes. YOU ARE THE PARENT. There is no need for guilt here or even a tussell for that matter. Tell her she can change back when you get home or play again tomorrow…whatever is the case.

But insist that she change.

Again communication is key.

In the morning while the kids are eating breakfast you can say," After mommy gets done doing the laundry and dishes we are all going to the store. Autumn you will be able to play for a little while longer but when I say its time to change I want you to just go and do it …understand?" If, by chance, there is a problem deal with it matter of factly and get the clothes out for her to change now. We really want to be teaching our children how to obey and be compliant to our requests.

Children don’t like to have things sprung on them any more than we do . Be sure to communicate ahead of time. Whether it is about bedtime, where we need to go, who they are going to play with and how you expect them to act, a Drs. Appointment or even reminders about going on the potty…..talk about it with them, dialog….make sure they understand.

We ask for problems when we don’t do this and demand that they quickly stop whatever they are doing because we need to go.

Talk to your kids…. They are little people and I KNOW that you will get much better behavior if everyone is on the same page.

Blessings!
Marnie

PS This also can work well for husbands

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Meal Time Messies 11-07

Taking a few minutes at the beginning of the meal will make cleanup easier.

Keep a supply of bibs on hand. Bibs take up less space in the laundry than a toddlers outfit. Keep a supply on hand and in the diaper bag. I personally like the type that are made out of a hand towel with an elastic hole for the head. They are very absorbent and work well in the clean up at the end of the meal plus there's lots of coverage!

When you are teaching that little one to eat:

Put just a few things on the tray at a time. Cheerios, small vegs, fruits, meat cubes, cheese etc DON'T get stuck in a rut! Have the child taste new things. Too many children have whittled their menus down to chicken nuggets, mac and cheese and canned applesauce. Don't let this happen!

Don't let Johnny play with his food. He is in the high chair to eat. If he throws his food on the floor stop him with a firm "no". If he continues clear the tray and take him down.

Supervise the meal. This is a teaching time. I have seen moms put whole plates or bowls of food on the tray only to have a mess on the floor...dinner in the hair and everything smeared like a work of art.

If he is not ready to eat don't make a big deal out of it. This is training time. Take him down and don't give him anything until the next meal. He will not starve and he will eventually learn. When I say don't give anything I mean just that! You want him hungry at the next meal time.

Be conscious of what he is eating. Little ones are growing at alarming rates and need good food...fresh and wholesome. I always have a fruit bowl out. It is much more likely to be eaten if it is within sight. My children ate a piece midmorning and one midafternoon. Even today I sliced peeled oranges on everyones plates at lunchtime to go with the meal. Sometimes when the girls (teens) are studying at the table I will set a plate of apples slices and peanut butter or crackers and cheese out for them...it always gets eaten. Otherwise they tend to look for a quick fix of chips and or candy that just add empty calories and do nothing good for their bodies.

Clean up that tray/eating area right after the meal.
Have you ever noticed that food tends to turn to cement over time? It is much easier to take the time, at the time, to have it clean and ready for the next meal. Works good with the dishes in the sink as well....just start:)
1. empty the dishwasher, if there is one
2. empty the sink and clean it out and fill it with fresh hot soapy water
3. put rinsed dishes in the dishwasher ,if there is one, or rinse and set in the soapy water. If they have been hanging around for hours let them set for a few minutes to soak. Wash and rinse, stack and dry and put away WOW the kitchen looks great and you are ahead of the game! Great Job It is much easier to keep up with them than have a weeks worth ahead of you that just cause you to be stressed and irritated! It really WILL NOT take that long.

Well thats all for today Blessings Marnie
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and schedule a girlfriends tea! You'll be glad that you did!!

NIP IT IN THE BUD 11/07

Have you ever heard the saying ..You better "nip it in the bud"?

Well being a gardener and having sons who are in tree service this saying holds alot of meaning for me .

Your child bites someone. He swears in a conversation with you. She talks back. They don't come when they are called. You get the idea.....behavior that is everything but what you want to see or deal with!

NIP IT IN THE BUD... When a sapling (a baby tree) sprouts a bud (the beginning of a branch) it can literally be broken off with barely a touch of your finger.
Wait a few weeks and the same bud will have grown to the point that to get rid of it you will tear the bark of the tree when you rip it off....wait even longer and the branch will need a saw of some type to get rid of it.

I'm sure you are getting the picture.

When you see the "bud" of behavior that is not acceptable, Nip it..deal with it immediately..it will most likely NOT go away on its own...it is not a phase ...bad behavior will lead to something worse if not dealt with .
You need to focus in when parenting...there are no days off...sorry... but I can say to you the more you deal with them when they are young the easier it will be later on.

Be the parent. If there are numerous behaviors that have sprouted pick the worst and begin there. Mean business. The world and society that we live in don't usually work in our favor. You may feel alone in your decision...dont worry if you dont match up to "Jared's mom who lets him do anything!" Jared's mom will not have to bail your son out of jail or care for your daughters baby. Its your call. Again if you're not sure what is right or wrong ASK Go to someone you feel you can trust and who has been a role model.

Consistency is of absolute importance. Please dont send mixed messages because that is exactly what lack of consistency does.

Deep breath. Parenting is not for cowards. You are on a very important mission to rear a child who will add to this world in a positive way.

YOU CAN DO IT
Blessings M

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Morning madness!! 11/07

For the mornings that you need to be out the door....do your self a BIG favor and plan ahead. OR for any morning for that matter!!!

After the kiddos are in bed take a few minutes....lay out the clothes, find the shoes etc... coats hats etc...you can even have the bowls on the counter ready for the cereal....

I have found that the children do much better all around when they have been prepared mentally for what's coming.

When a new baby is coming home
Tomorrow is the first dentist appointment/drs appointment
grocery shopping
visiting
someone is coming to visit
etc etc etc

Take numerous opportunities to speak of what's coming ...even up to a few days ahead.

"Lisa guess what's happening tomorrow!!! Nannie and Grampa are coming over to visit. Now in the morning we need to eat our breakfast right up and get dressed quickly as there is alot to do to get ready. Now you're going to help me right...Lets see what could you do? etc"

I might say this up to 6-8 times in a day as I continue to prepare "Lisa" for what to expect. You will find that the kids tend to business so much better.

Even this:
"Now girls...the baby is going to be going into your room at the end of the week. I have set the crib up. Now if she cries I dont want you to do anything. Mom hears her and will take care of it. I might let her cry a little cause Im trying to get her to sleep longer so...just turn over and go back to sleep...Dont worry Mom knows what she's doing and I need you to just sleep till morning...do you understand?"

I will again remind them over and over during the next few days ...even quizzing them..." so christine what are you going to do when susie cries in the nite?"

I use this same technique when trying to teach something or change a behavior. Bedtime routines, naps, getting along, sharing etc... can all be worked into those little brains so that when the time comes they know what to expect and how to respond.

Moms you are doing great! Keep up the good work You are shaping a generation!
Blessings! 

Brand Spankin New 11/07

WILL IT BE A MOUNTAIN OR A MOLEHILL???
It’s really up to you
If you are tired it is definitely a MOUNTAIN
If you are rested it will look more like a molehill.
(words of wisdom from my mom) Its up to you to go to bed early to get your rest!!


BRAND SPANKIN NEW!

Well our new grandson made his first appearance today at 3:25PM at 7lbs and 11ozs, 19 1/2 inches long. Elijah James Wells is the son of proud parents Noah and Amy Wells

So on that note.....New borns are fearfully and wonderfully made!

I have a distinct memory of sitting by my baby's crib that 1st day home and watching him sleep. I was crying. My husband, alarmed, asked if everything was alright. I said " He's going to wake up and there are no nurses or doctors around and it will be totally up to me to take care of him!"
Wow what a responsibility!

Breathe. Take your time. Don't climb any mountains and take it easy for a few weeks. Cuddle Sit Rest Nap (when you can) and enjoy this bundle... cause he/she will not stay that way for long!

The baby: has come out of 98.6 degrees so he needs to be kept warm. That little body is not able to generate the heat he needs for himself. That is why you can listen to him scream in his bed and when he's in yours he dozes right off to sleep! A wrapped hot water bottle in a receiving blanket put at his side every time he is in bed works like a miracle!

He will want to nurse constantly it seems. Keep track or you could be feeding every 15 minutes . Make sure you burp him good every so often as many times a bubble will create a problem later that we tend to read as being hungry....again??? We nurse and just put more milk on top of that bubble and that worsens the problem.

If your out and about or just visiting and the baby gets fussy....I find that it is best to find a solitary place...the bathroom, a bedroom or even the car if that is the only place, to be able to calm down yourself and then calm him down. It is difficult when you think that you are bothering people or making a scene. If you cant move, you're on an airplane or something....just apologize to those around you and take a deep breath. The baby can sense your tenseness and it will not help. Don't bounce him but slowly rock and hum. Be as calm as possible and it will help.

The newborn really does like to be wrapped tightly for that first few weeks.

Don't be afraid at what you see in the diaper. His insides are cleaning out and it will look pretty black and scary for a few days. Totally normal.

Siblings;
If there are other little ones around they need attention!! Take advantage of all the sleeping that the baby does.. to read, cuddle and be with the other children. It will assure them that they are not being displaced or overlooked. They will be more willing to help when they are feeling loved themselves.

Hubby. Don't forget the big guy. He needs attention too!! You must admit the mom has stolen the show for the past 9 months and now the new one has come on the scene...Daddy who? Daddy is important.... Remember to support him so that he can support you!

In laws and friends. You can decide how you want it to work. You are the boss. This is your family... no guilt... no fear... You don't want your infant around people with colds etc especially in the beginning. I was never over protective but I was cautious all the same. .... Be understanding and gracious as you take your stand. You will get the respect if you are firm on your parenting role.

Don't forget to take a breather for a bit here and there. Maybe mom will come over so you can go to the bagel shoppe and sit with a cup of coffee of an hour..or dad can have his turn at nite while you go to the store for a break.

Stand back look at that little person.....what do you see for his/her future....what would you like to see in his/her character? What is important to you....Think it through now because he will be out the door before you know it. Be intentional....Tend to child rearing.... Parenting gets done even if you are not doing it.... by the tv, daycare, friends etc..... Please take it seriously and invest yourself into this little one. Perhaps you had a difficult upbringing...no examples...There are numerous resources available today and the only stupid question is one that is not asked!

Sooo Go to Bed! Blessings Marnie
Ps remember if you have a question.. ask , a comment.. make it,
If you want to be removed from the list .. email me and feel free to pass this on to anyone who might have a need. Back emails can be seen on the blog at www.comeinandrest.com nite!

The Clothes Situation 11/07

Years ago I babysat for a family of 7 children. I loved it. One of my memories was that of a bedroom (it was actually being used as a spare room). In this room was a "collection" of clothes that rivaled the backroom of Salvation Army! The closet was full (almost to the top) of clothes that were clean but never put away and the middle of the room held a LARGE pile of clothes that had been donated to the family but not gone through.

What I saw was a hugh amount of wasted space and time. I could have easily found myself in that same predicament if I had not been careful.

First of all childrens clothes are really easy to come by. #1 you can go to the store and buy them. 2. You can accept hand me downs from friends/family. 3. You may acquire them from birthday and Christmas presents. 4. You can shop the yard sales or thrift shops.

I say all of this to say Don't keep too many clothes at a time. If you find your laundry situation looking in the least bit like the scenario mentioned at the beginning it is time to TAKE CONTROL.

1. START

2. Take a pile and go through it piece by piece. If it is stained, ripped, worn, missing a button or has a broken zipper, throw it in the "get rid of" pile.

3. Figure out what your child REALLY needs in a 10 day period of time....that should be enough. You know you tend to wear the same things over and over anyway.
If something does not fit right, is uncomfortable, unsnaps too easily.... get rid of it!

4. Do the same for out of season clothes. Sort, wash and pack away those that you want to keep, easily marked for another child or another season.

When the kids were all at home this was a HUGH JOB FOR ME! It was one that I did not look forward to but the kids loved it and I did it at the change of the seasons spring/summer and fall/winter. I took banana boxes (I had no money for plastic containers) and sorted everything by girl/boy and type of clothes... ie: boys long sleeve shirts, girls pants, girls sleepwear, etc. I did not go by size as 3Ts may fit a 2 or a 4 year old.
(I realize that there will not be many of you that will run into this same problem :))

Wash and fold the clothes and put them away. Keep up with the laundry... throw a load in. Clothes right out of the dryer will be relatively unwrinkled. (a wet towel thrown back in with a load of dry clothes will help take out wrinkles as well)
At the peak of my family I was doing approx 27 loads of laundry a week! What would happen if I missed one day?!!

I had a laundry room down cellar (thank God) and put up a long counter I used the one we took out of the kitchen but you can find remnants at Home Depot... the formica is better than wood as it is smooth and stays clean easier. I made piles for each kid and each bathroom closet etc with the older kids having baskets underneath the counter. As soon as the baskets were full I called the kiddos down and everyone took their clothes and put them away. (dirty laundry was brought down every morning it was someones chore)
I also hung a pipe/dowel from the ceiling so that I could hand things up right from the dryer.

When the laundry was really dirty ( my husband was a tree man) I used stronger detergent, even made my own soap for awhile. I used bleach to keep my whites bright as well.

You will feel GREAT once you get your laundry situation under control... Just DO IT! Keep a bag/basket collecting all the time of clothes to get rid of. It will be so much easier if you just keep up with it!

Those Nite Time Blues 11/07

SHHHHHH it’s quiet….Finally all the kids are in bed… when
Moooommmmmm? I’m thirsty, I need to go to the bathroom, I want you to pray with me, I’m scared, my finger hurts, I can’t sleep, Kara is looking at me, I need to tell you something…..
On and on and on it goes….Is there a remedy? YES!!

Remember in email #1 we hit on that eye to eye communication.
Well it all begins there.
We are usually tired by this time of nite…our patience is short…the day is ending .. Finally Maybe you can sit down….and then it starts.
Paint your own picture….how does it go for you.?

Now start all over….perhaps a habit has formed in your household where this type of behavior happens each and every night. Sit for a minute and think about it …. What is actually happening?

In the morning after the kids are dressed and you have your day underway ..set down with him/her/them. Speaking in a calm voice explain what has been happening every night . Tell the kiddo’s that the routine is going to change. Take your evening back!
"Becky, mom has been noticing that every nite when I put you in bed you get up 2 or more times for different things. I want you to know that from now on when I tuck you in bed I’m only going to do it once. I don’t want to hear from you again until morning. Do you understand? " ( This you will repeat numerous times during the day(s)) At nite get Becky ready for bed… do it right….make sure she is clean and has gone to the bathroom, had a drink, been prayed for etc.

This will take more than 5 minutes. .I personally think the kids usually keep getting our attention because we’ve rushed them off too quickly. Cover all the bases and remind them AGAIN that once they are in bed it’s for good. A reward for staying in bed is great to give the next day. Whether you’ve told them or not ….A poster on the fridge with stars or a snack or some alone time with Mom….whatever, you will know what is best

Now if Becky stays in bed but Tommy gets out once Becky gets the reward NOT Tommy. He is not scolded he just notices the special attention that his sister is getting and he will try harder the next nite. I realize there are many scenarios to be had here but I hope that you are getting the picture.
Little ones need to be in bed at a relatively early hour. I know some parents let the kids stay up late so that they can sleep in the next morning but that can get all out of wack. You are best up early, getting the day started and then the kids napping at 1 after lunch . All my kids had a quiet time up until they started school. When I hear someone say "Oh he hasn’t napped since he was 2….I know that simply a habit has been formed.

Remember YOU are the one who sets the rules. Whatever works best for you is best. Children were not born to rule even though in many cases they are doing it.

Again any question email me.

Previous email can be seen on the blog at www.comeinandrest.com
I pray that these words are helping in some small way!
Blessings!

Mind Your Manners Please!! 11/07

Whether you live in a one room flat or a 12 bedroom mansion …… Manners ARE important!
It does not take long to notice that the use of manners is pretty much a lost art today.
Maybe you don’t even know what is important in the topic of manners.
Well let me tell you some that I know of. You can add or subtract to this list.
1.Don’t talk with your mouth full.
2.Don’t chew with your mouth open.
3.Don’t make noise while you eat. Slurping smacking burping etc
4.No elbows on the table.
5.Don’t eat with your hands
6.Don’t reach in front of someone ask for something to be passed
7.Use the napkin, put the napkin on your lap
8.Ask to be excused if you need to leave the table.
9.If you need to sneeze or blow your nose try to leave the table to do so.
10.Cover your mouth when you cough
11.Always take your hat off when you are inside especially in church.
12.Don’t interrupt while someone else is talking.
13.Respect people and their property.
14.For males…. When a female enters a room and there are no seats left stand and offer yours..insist…. Females if there are no more seats left and an older male or female enter the room stand and let them have your seat.
15.Don’t cut in a line
16.Don’t be rude or crude
17.Don’t talk back
18.Be kind
19.Don’t insist on the biggest piece or the last piece …always ask if anyone would like somemore before you take the last piece
20.When visiting someones house for dinner etc ask if there is anyway that you can help…. Young people clear your place setting after you eat a meal.
21.Pick up after yourselves
22.Leave the area you were in cleaner than when you found it
Write thank you notes
if you are visiting someones house for a few days….keep the room and bathroom tidy.

Pick a few of these to work on with your children. I bought a plastic pig (from a farm yard play set) and would set it by my plate at dinner. When the kids saw this they knew I would be watching. I would simply put it at the place of whatever child was breaking a table "rule" It was fun kept us focused and made us think.
Always explain what you are looking for and why. Sometimes there are not easy answers for why except that "that is what’s polite."
We want to raise children who will be able to carry themselves in any circle without being embarrassed. When everyone has it down perhaps a dinner out for everyone would be a great reward and a way to really try it out!
You will realize that table manners will not be able to be learned in front of the TV or on the run (in the back seat of the car) I urge you, with all that is within me, to strive to sit down together for a dinner meal numerous times a week. My 17 year old, a few years ago , was in a class where the teacher asked for all those that ate as a family seated together to raise their hands. She was the only hand raised in a class of over 25! I believe it is a link to the breakdown of the family in general.
Well again
if you have any specific questions I am available.
If you would like to be taken off this list let me know
Feel free to pass these emails along to anyone who maybe interested.
Take advantage of the time you have!
Blessings!

MOTHER GUILT 10/07

OK I just feel like I need to address this before we go into any more areas of childrearing.
Guilt Guilt Guilt
Why do we go there so easily? Guilt is the root of much of the disfunctional mothering that has been passed down through the ages.

So lay down on the couch and "let's talk".

Guilt comes from outside and inside. It can be real or imaginary. It is a feeling and sometimes a fact! It has many faces.
Websters says: "Guilt: Tha act or state of having done a wrong or committed an offense Conduct that involves guilt, wrongdoing, crime sin."

I wish that we could "round table" this!

I have a memory of standing in front of my child and saying outloud..."and I will NOT feel guilty!!"

It's a choice to feel guilty or not. Have we done something wrong? If so we need to ask forgiveness or do the best we can with the situation.

What brings about feelings of guilt? I think it is our insecurity. If we are confident in our decision as to who what where and why We should be able to stand on it. We will be the ones to answer for what we do ...not anyone else.

What does guilt do to us?
1. It causes us to do and make decisions that are not good.

Moooooommmmm I want it !!!! You never..... You always.... I hate you.....
A. We give in....B. Im sorry Johnny but no Ive made up my mind and we will talk about it when we get home.

2. It can cause us stress and anguish.
I cant believe that you dont have a meal on the table!! What have you done all day? blah blah blah

another failure after a day of whiney kids and endless telephone calls and plugged toilets.

Im sorry Hon its been a day of all days...I havent had a minute ...the baby has been in a mood all day and your mom dropped in and talked for 2 hours about the problems of the world! Lets send out or there is cereal or maybe an egg sandwich..Would you mind giving me a hand.?

3. It drives us to do things that feed into habitual wrong actions.

ie : "Mom, Rick and I have decided to have thanksgiving at home with the kids this year. It is just too much to be on the road all day going back and forth between family ..so we are going to begin our own tradition. I hope you understand" .....

"WHAT!!! I CANT BELIEVE THAT YOU WOULD DO THAT..You know that your aunt is going to want to see the kids ..and who will help with the meal. I think that your husband is being totally unfair to make you stay at home..."

A. Honey we just have to go to moms cause I feel so GUILTY...

B..Mom Im sorry, you will do great as you usually do and Im sure you'll not miss 3 tired kids! How about if I drop off a pie on wednesday to help. we sure will miss everyone but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do!
( a note to mom after the holiday expressing your love to her would be a nice touch!)

Well I know we have just scratched the surface on this one.!
But girls lay the guilt down....think through your decisions and stick with them. It will get easier with practice.

Blessings!