Talking with the Teen

You are in conversation with a friend.  Your daughter Molly comes by and says "Mom,  I'm going over to Jason's house to work on that project as soon as we get home."  
What do you say?  
This is a place that trouble can brew.  First of all you are preoccupied.  Too often we answer quickly to get back to our conversation.  A child can many times find loop holes because we are not on our toes.


You need to be careful not to make the child feel put on the spot ( even though they have put you on one)  I had a rule for years that if a child asked me if someone could come over, sleep over, eat over, etc in front of the child   it would be an automatic NO.   I explained I did not ever want to be put on the spot.  


You can always say "Molly we will talk about this on the way home"
"but Mom, I have to know now"
"I gave you my answer"


Remember 16 is NOT 17 or 18.   I hear moms often say "Marnie, I need to talk to you....my son,16, almost 17 years old is giving me problems"  What I sometimes hear here is..."I'm just waiting for them to turn the magic age so that I can say, " I raised them right, now they are making their own decisions"   Don't give up the reins too early parent.   Sometimes in the latter teens the reins need to be yanked in a few times as the young adult begins to push the boundary.


A loose version of this happened this morning with me.  The mom and I were chatting about teens when her daughter came to talk about a project plan.  The mom firmly made the statement that she would like the boy to come to their house for the project.  It was clear that the girl was not happy and she asked "why" a couple of times.  The mom clearly said "no, I've made up my mind and I don't have to give you a reason now."  


We talked later and I found out that the child did not give her mom a hard time on the way home.  This is very good.  The mom commended her daughter for this, which is good as well.


It's a dance parents.  We are always needing to learn new steps and music.  It's ok, it goes with the territory.  Don't be discouraged, hold your ground.  It is easier to let the leash out than it is to pull it back.  Try not to  make quick decisions that you may later be sorry for.


Want to talk further about this and other teen issues?   Have a few gals over and we can round table discuss this.  My house or yours  just give me a call.
Blessings!